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Ignore consonants, and remove more duplicates.

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Ruslan Ermilov 2005-02-03 10:54:07 +00:00
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Notes: svn2git 2020-12-20 02:59:44 +00:00 
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@ -6555,10 +6555,6 @@ noncancellable.
-- Esquire, May 1977
%
186,000 miles per second:
It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
%
186,282 miles per second:
It isn't just a good idea, it's the law!
%
1893 The ideal brain tonic
@ -6642,10 +6638,6 @@ has defeated your Ethernet board! You read a scroll of "postpone until
Monday at 9 AM". Everything goes dark...
-- /etc/motd, cbosgd
%
43rd Law of Computing:
Anything that can go wr
fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
%
(6) Men employees will be given time off each week for courting
purposes, or two evenings a week if they go regularly to church.
(7) After an employee has spent his thirteen hours of labor in the
@ -6686,22 +6678,6 @@ fortune: Segmentation violation -- Core dumped
The Bionic Dog gets a hormonal short-circuit and violates the
Mann Act with an interstate Greyhound bus.
%
77. HO HUM -- The Redundant
------- (7) This hexagram refers to a situation of extreme
--- --- (8) boredom. Your programs always bomb off. Your wife
------- (7) smells bad. Your children have hives. You are working
---O--- (6) on an accounting system, when you want to develop the
---X--- (9) GREAT AMERICAN COMPILER. You give up hot dates to
--- --- (8) nurse sick computers. What you need now is sex.
Nine in the second place means:
The yellow bird approaches the malt shop. Misfortune.
Six in the third place means:
In former times men built altars to honor the Internal Revenue
Service. Great Dragons! Are you in trouble!
%
90% of the work takes 90% of the time.
The remaining 10% takes the other 90% of the time.
%
@ -7287,12 +7263,6 @@ courtesy," he explained.
A door is what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.
-- Ogden Nash
%
A dozen, a gross, and a score,
Plus three times the square root of four,
Divided by seven,
Plus five times eleven,
Equals nine squared plus zero, no more.
%
A drama critic is a person who surprises a playwright by informing him
what he meant.
-- Wilson Mizner
@ -8707,17 +8677,6 @@ annoying and confounding a hopelessly defenseless department that was
unfortunate enough to ask for the information in the first place.
-- IEEE Grid newsmagazine
%
"A programmer is a person who passes as an exacting expert on the basis
of being able to turn out, after innumerable punching, an infinite
series of incomprehensive answers calculated with micrometric
precisions from vague assumptions based on debatable figures taken from
inconclusive documents and carried out on instruments of problematical
accuracy by persons of dubious reliability and questionable mentality
for the avowed purpose of annoying and confounding a hopelessly
defenseless department that was unfortunate enough to ask for the
information in the first place."
-- IEEE Grid news magazine
%
A programming language is low level
when its programs require attention to the irrelevant.
%
@ -9506,10 +9465,6 @@ Above all things, reverence yourself.
%
Abraham Lincoln didn't die in vain. He died in Washington, D.C.
%
ABSCOND:
To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside
of a dying relative and miss the return train.
%
abscond, v:
To be unexpectedly called away to the bedside of a dying relative
and miss the return train.
@ -9682,15 +9637,9 @@ Here in New York we really don't care too much. Because we know that we could
beat up their city anytime.
-- David Letterman
%
ACCORDION:
A bagpipe with pleats.
%
Accordion, n.:
A bagpipe with pleats.
%
ACCURACY:
The vice of being right.
%
Accuracy, n.:
The vice of being right
%
@ -9802,16 +9751,10 @@ Adler's Distinction:
Language is all that separates us from the lower animals,
and from the bureaucrats.
%
ADMIRATION:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
%
Admiration, n.:
Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
ADOLESCENCE:
The stage between puberty and adultery.
%
Adolescence, n.:
The stage between puberty and adultery.
%
@ -9819,16 +9762,10 @@ Adolescence, n.:
like you ..."
-- Gilda Radner
%
ADORE:
To venerate expectantly.
%
Adore, v.:
To venerate expectantly.
-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
%
ADULT:
One old enough to know better.
%
Adult, n.:
One old enough to know better.
%
@ -10070,10 +10007,6 @@ indeed, arroz in Spanish Harlem.
%
After your lover has gone you will still have PEANUT BUTTER!
%
AFTERNOON:
That part of the day we spend worrying
about how we wasted the morning.
%
Afternoon, n.:
That part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the
morning.
@ -11621,9 +11554,6 @@ And went off and hid
Or I'm told that he did
In the Antartical Zonio.
%
ANTONYM:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
%
Antonym, n.:
The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.
%
@ -11709,9 +11639,6 @@ young welp with a masochistic streak who would like to run the most
up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind."
-- R. L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly"
%
Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there.
-- Sydney Harris
%
Any philosophy that can be put in a nutshell belongs there.
-- Sydney J. Harris
%
@ -11757,9 +11684,6 @@ Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from a rigged demo.
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur C. Clarke
%
Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.
-- Arthur Clarke
%
Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked
something.
%
@ -12853,9 +12777,6 @@ depths they were once able to plumb.
Authors are easy to get on with -- if you're fond of children.
-- Michael Joseph, "Observer"
%
AUTOMOBILE:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down pedestrians.
%
Automobile, n.:
A four-wheeled vehicle that runs up hills and down
pedestrians.
@ -13036,10 +12957,6 @@ Abraham Lincoln would be doing if he were alive today?
(3) Desperately clawing at the inside of his coffin.
-- David Letterman
%
BASIC:
A programming language. Related to certain social diseases
in that those who have it will not admit it in polite company.
%
Basic Definitions of Science:
If it's green or wiggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
@ -13852,10 +13769,6 @@ boss, n:
Boston:
An outdoor Betty Ford Clinic.
%
Boston:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports
fans for finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
%
Boston, n.:
Ludwig van Beethoven being jeered by 50,000 sports fans for
finishing second in the Irish jig competition.
@ -14922,9 +14835,6 @@ Cheit's Lament:
If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you--
the next time he's in need.
%
CHEMICALS:
Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%
Chemicals, n.:
Noxious substances from which modern foods are made.
%
@ -14948,9 +14858,6 @@ Cheops' Law:
%
Chess tonight.
%
CHICAGO:
Where the dead still vote... early and often!
%
Chicago law prohibits eating in a place that is on fire.
%
Chicago, n.:
@ -15095,10 +15002,6 @@ Churchill's Commentary on Man:
Man will occasionally stumble over the truth,
but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.
%
CIGARETTE:
A fire at one end, a fool at the other,
and a bit of tobacco in between.
%
Cigarette, n.:
A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in
between.
@ -15331,10 +15234,6 @@ Cold hands, no gloves.
Cole's Law:
Thinly sliced cabbage.
%
COLLABORATION:
A literary partnership based on the false
assumption that the other fellow can spell.
%
Collaboration, n.:
A literary partnership based on the false assumption that the
other fellow can spell.
@ -15522,10 +15421,6 @@ Committee Rules:
Committees have become so important nowadays that subcommittees have to
be appointed to do the work.
%
COMMITTMENT:
Committment can be illustrated by a breakfast of ham and eggs.
The chicken was involved, the pig was committed.
%
Common sense and a sense of humor are the same thing, moving at
different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.
-- Clive James
@ -15643,10 +15538,6 @@ than the estimate the job will cost.
Conceit causes more conversation than wit.
-- LaRouchefoucauld
%
CONCEPT:
Any "idea" for which an outside
consultant billed you more than $25,000.
%
Concept, n.:
Any "idea" for which an outside consultant billed you more than
$25,000.
@ -15884,10 +15775,6 @@ technology. Neither do they throw parties for the urban proletariat."
Convention is the ruler of all.
-- Pindar
%
CONVERSATION:
A vocal competition in which the one who
is catching his breath is called the listener.
%
Conversation enriches the understanding,
but solitude is the school of genius.
%
@ -16128,9 +16015,6 @@ business of hate, debauchery, and self-annihilation."
CYNIC:
Experienced.
%
CYNIC:
One who looks through rose-colored glasses with a jaundiced eye.
%
Cynic, n:
A blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are,
not as they ought to be. Hence the custom among the
@ -16572,10 +16456,6 @@ Decision maker, n.:
The person in your office who was unable to form a task force
before the music stopped.
%
DECISIONMAKER:
The person in your office who was unable
to form a task force before the music stopped.
%
Decisions of the judges will be final unless shouted down by a really over-
whelming majority of the crowd present. Abusive and obscene language may
not be used by contestants when addressing members of the judging panel,
@ -16826,9 +16706,6 @@ Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face.
Der Horizont vieler Menschen ist ein Kreis mit Radius Null -
und das nennen sie ihren Standpunkt.
%
Design:
What you regret not doing later on.
%
design, v:
What you regret not doing later on.
%
@ -18084,9 +17961,6 @@ time that nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.
Education is learning what you didn't even know you didn't know.
-- Daniel J. Boorstin
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
-- Irsin Edman
%
Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine.
-- Irwin Edman
%
@ -19208,9 +19082,6 @@ Failure is more frequently from want of energy than want of capital.
Fain would I climb, yet fear I to fall.
-- Sir Walter Raleigh
%
Fairy tale:
A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
%
Fairy Tale, n.:
A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.
%
@ -19329,14 +19200,6 @@ was the Empire forged.
%
Far duller than a serpent's tooth it is to spend a quiet youth.
%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the Western
Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun. Orbiting this
at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an utterly
insignificant little blue-green planet whose ape-descended life forms are
so amazingly primitive that they still think digital watches are a pretty
neat idea.
-- Douglas Adams, "The Hitchhicker's Guide to the Galaxy"
%
Far out in the uncharted backwaters of the unfashionable end of the
Western Spiral arm of the Galaxy lies a small unregarded yellow sun.
Orbiting this at a distance of roughly ninety-eight million miles is an
@ -19959,10 +19822,6 @@ For most men life is a search for the proper manila envelope in which to
get themselves filed.
-- Clifton Fadiman
%
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in
the same room and let them fight it out.
-- Stephen Wright
%
For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier. I
put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
-- Steven Wright
@ -21498,9 +21357,6 @@ Generosity and perfection are your everlasting goals.
Genetics explains why you look like your father,
and if you don't, why you should.
%
GENIUS:
A chemist who discovers a laundry additive that rhymes with bright.
%
GENIUS:
Person clever enough to be born in the right place at the right
time of the right sex and to follow up this advantage by saying
@ -21603,24 +21459,6 @@ Gerrold's Laws of Infernal Dynamics:
%
Get forgiveness now -- tomorrow you may no longer feel guilty.
%
Get GUMMed
----------
The Gurus of Unix Meeting of Minds (GUMM) takes place Wednesday, April 1, 2076
(check THAT in your perpetual calendar program), 14 feet above the ground
directly in front of the Milpitas Gumps. Members will grep each other by the
hand (after intro), yacc a lot, smoke filtered chroots in pipes, chown with
forks, use the wc (unless uuclean), fseek nice zombie processes, strip, and
sleep, but not, we hope, od. Three days will be devoted to discussion of the
ramifications of whodo. Two seconds have been allotted for a complete rundown
of all the user-friendly features of Unix. Seminars include "Everything You
Know is Wrong", led by Tom Kempson, "Batman or Cat:man?" led by Richie Dennis
"cc C? Si! Si!" led by Kerwin Bernighan, and "Document Unix, Are You
Kidding?" led by Jan Yeats. No Reader Service No. is necessary because all
GUGUs (Gurus of Unix Group of Users) already know everything we could tell
them.
-- Dr. Dobb's Journal, June 1984
%
Get in touch with your feelings of hostility against the dying light.
-- Dylan Thomas
%
@ -22487,17 +22325,6 @@ GURU:
guru, n:
A computer owner who can read the manual.
%
gy-ro-scope:
A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to
each other and the axis of spin so that a rotation of one of the
two mutually perpendicular axes results from application of
torque to the other when the wheel is spinning and so that the
entire apparatus offers considerable opposition depending on
the angular momentum to any torque that would change the direction
of the axis of spin.
-- Webster's Seventh New Collegiate Dictionary
%
Gyroscope, n.:
A wheel or disk mounted to spin rapidly about an axis and also
free to rotate about one or both of two axes perpendicular to each
@ -23952,15 +23779,6 @@ Hamlet of Elsinore
Ruffled the critics by
Dropping this bomb:
"Phooey on Freud and his
Psychoanalysis --
Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
I just love Mom."
%
Higgeldy Piggeldy,
Hamlet of Elsinore
Ruffled the critics by
Dropping this bomb:
"Phooey on Freud and his
Psychoanalysis,
Oedipus, Shmoedipus,
I just loved Mom."
@ -24152,10 +23970,6 @@ agreement between the cultural European nations were only to be
used against the coloured.
-- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
%
H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken.
There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude.
-- Maxwell Bodenhein
%
Hlade's Law:
If you have a difficult task, give it to a lazy person --
they will find an easier way to do it.
@ -25303,10 +25117,6 @@ I do not take drugs -- I am drugs.
don't believe in astrology."
-- James R. F. Quirk
%
I don't believe in astrology. But then I'm an
Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.
-- James Quirk
%
I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE.. I think it's all just
a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell more
numbers!!
@ -25379,10 +25189,6 @@ I don't know why anyone would want a computer in their home.
%
I don't know why we're here, I say we all go home and free associate.
%
"I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't, because if I liked it I'd
eat it, and I just hate it."
-- Clarence Darrow
%
I don't like spinach, and I'm glad I don't,
because if I liked it I'd eat it, and I'd just hate it.
-- Clarence Darrow
@ -28583,11 +28389,6 @@ of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking,
and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey (1785 - 1859)
%
If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think
little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and
Sabbath-breaking, and from that to incivility and procrastination.
-- Thomas De Quincey
%
If one cannot enjoy reading a book over and
over again, there is no use in reading it at all.
-- Oscar Wilde
@ -29535,10 +29336,6 @@ If you think the United States has stood still, who built the largest
shopping center in the world?
-- Richard M. Nixon
%
If you think the United States has stood still,
who built the largest shopping center in the world?
-- Richard Nixon
%
If you think things can't get worse it's probably only because you
lack sufficient imagination.
%
@ -30224,14 +30021,6 @@ Imagine me going around with a pot belly.
It would mean political ruin.
-- Adolf Hitler
%
Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer. It has a
150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk storage, a
screen resolution of 1024 x 1024 pixels, relies entirely on voice recognition
for input, fits in your shirt pocket and costs $300. What's the first
question that the computer community asks?
"Is it PC compatible?"
%
Imagine that Cray computer decides to make a personal computer. It has
a 150 MHz processor, 200 megabytes of RAM, 1500 megabytes of disk
storage, a screen resolution of 4096 x 4096 pixels, relies entirely on
@ -30896,9 +30685,6 @@ In the land of the dark the Ship of the
Sun is driven by the Grateful Dead.
-- Egyptian Book of the Dead
%
In the long run, every program becomes rococco, and then rubble.
-- Alan Perlis
%
In the long run, every program becomes rococo, and then rubble.
-- Alan Perlis
%
@ -31116,10 +30902,6 @@ Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.
%
Inform all the troops that communications have completely broken down.
%
Information Center:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is to
tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
%
Information Center, n.:
A room staffed by professional computer people whose job it is
to tell you why you cannot have the information you require.
@ -32768,9 +32550,6 @@ Could it have been just anyone or did it have to be you?
-- Billy Joel, "Glass Houses"
%
It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
Devil when he is the only explanation for it.
%
It's so stupid of modern civilization to have given up believing in the
Devil when he is the only explanation of it.
%
It's sweet to be remembered, but it's often cheaper to be forgotten.
@ -33303,9 +33082,6 @@ But I always thought that I'd see you again.
Thought I'd see you one more time again.
-- James Taylor, "Fire and Rain"
%
JUSTICE:
A decision in your favor.
%
Justice always prevails ... three times out of seven!
-- Michael J. Wagner
%
@ -33515,9 +33291,6 @@ Kilroe hic erat!
Kime's Law for the Reward of Meekness:
Turning the other cheek merely ensures two bruised cheeks.
%
KIN:
An affliction of the blood.
%
Kin, n.:
An affliction of the blood
%
@ -34101,8 +33874,6 @@ Let a fool hold his tongue and he will pass for a sage.
%
Let he who takes the plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
%
Let He who taketh the Plunge Remember to return it by Tuesday.
%
Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish.
-- Shakespeare, "Coriolanus"
%
@ -34337,10 +34108,6 @@ LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
unfortunately you won't be one of them. Consider not getting out
of bed today.
%
LIE:
A very poor substitute for the truth,
but the only one discovered to date.
%
Lie, n.:
A very poor substitute for the truth, but the only one
discovered to date.
@ -35284,9 +35051,6 @@ Snoopy: She is right! I think I had better think
Luke, I'm yer father, eh. Come over to the dark side, you hoser.
-- Dave Thomas, "Strange Brew"
%
LUNATIC ASYLUM:
The place where optimism most flourishes.
%
Lunatic Asylum, n.:
The place where optimism most flourishes.
%
@ -35484,9 +35248,6 @@ Conclusion: Sixty men can dig a posthole in one second.
Majorities, of course, start with minorities.
-- Robert Moses
%
MAJORITY:
That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
%
Majority, n.:
That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
%
@ -36391,9 +36152,6 @@ Mental things which have not gone in through the
senses are vain and bring forth no truth except detrimental.
-- Leonardo
%
MENU:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
%
Menu, n.:
A list of dishes which the restaurant has just run out of.
%
@ -37149,11 +36907,6 @@ Must be getting close to town -- we're hitting more people.
Must I hold a candle to my shames?
-- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice"
%
MUSTGO:
Any item of food that has been sitting in the
refrigerator so long it has become a science project.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Mustgo, n.:
Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
long it has become a science project.
@ -38661,10 +38414,6 @@ nolo contendere:
nominal egg:
New Yorkerese for expensive.
%
Noncombatant:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
%
Noncombatant, n.:
A dead Quaker.
-- Ambrose Bierce
@ -40658,10 +40407,6 @@ mastery of a subject -- the actual enemy is the unknown.
Oregano, n.:
The ancient Italian art of pizza folding.
%
OREGON:
Eighty billion gallons of water with
no place to go on Saturday night.
%
Oregon, n.:
Eighty billion gallons of water with no place to go on Saturday
night.
@ -41104,10 +40849,6 @@ Pauca sed matura. (Few but excellent.)
%
Paul Revere was a tattle-tale.
%
Paulg's Law:
In America, it's not how much an
item costs, it's how much you save.
%
Paul's Law:
In America, it's not how much an item costs, it's how much you
save.
@ -41829,12 +41570,6 @@ can tell all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
Political T.V. commercials prove one thing: some candidates can tell
all their good points and qualifications in just 30 seconds.
%
POLITICIAN:
From the Greek 'poly' ("many") and the French 'tete' ("head" or
"face," as in 'tete-a-tete': head to head or face to face).
Hence 'polytetien', a person of two or more faces.
-- Martin Pitt
%
Politician, n.:
An eel in the fundamental mud upon which the superstructure of
organized society is reared. When he wriggles, he mistakes the
@ -42007,9 +41742,6 @@ Poverty must have its satisfactions, else there would not be so many
poor people.
-- Don Herold
%
POWER:
The only narcotic regulated by the SEC instead of the FDA.
%
Power and ignorance is a detestable cocktail.
-- Poul Henningsen [1894-1967]
%
@ -42248,21 +41980,6 @@ trivially equivalent, so the only important n are n less than n. We can
take n = n (from above), so it's true for n+1 because it's just about n.
QED. (QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")
%
Proof techniques #1: Proof by Induction.
This technique is used on equations with "_n" in them. Induction
techniques are very popular, even the military used them.
SAMPLE: Proof of induction without proof of induction.
We know it's true for _n equal to 1. Now assume that it's true
for every natural number less than _n. _N is arbitrary, so we can take _n
as large as we want. If _n is sufficiently large, the case of _n+1 is
trivially equivalent, so the only important _n are _n less than _n. We
can take _n = _n (from above), so it's true for _n+1 because it's just
about _n.
QED. (QED translates from the Latin as "So what?")
%
Proof techniques #2: Proof by Oddity.
SAMPLE: To prove that horses have an infinite number of legs.
(1) Horses have an even number of legs.
@ -43592,10 +43309,6 @@ Quality control:
Assuring that the quality of a product does not get out of hand
and add to the cost of its manufacture or design.
%
QUALITY CONTROL:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off a
production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
%
Quality Control, n.:
The process of testing one out of every 1,000 units coming off
a production line to make sure that at least one out of 100 works.
@ -43622,11 +43335,6 @@ weighing the odds of a slander suit. Mayor Koch could naturally be
reached for comment, but we chose not to listen.
-- Dennis Miller
%
Question:
Man Invented Alcohol,
God Invented Grass.
Whom do you trust?
%
question = ( to ) ? be : ! be;
-- Wm. Shakespeare
%
@ -43660,10 +43368,6 @@ Quigley's Law:
Whoever has any authority over you,
no matter how small, will attempt to use it.
%
Quigley's Law:
Whoever has any authority over you, no matter how small, will
atttempt to use it.
%
Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.
-- Robert Orben
%
@ -44159,8 +43863,6 @@ That youth and observation copied there.
%
Remember to say hello to your bank teller.
%
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
%
Remember, UNIX spelled backwards is XINU.
-- Mt.
%
@ -44658,12 +44360,6 @@ SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
of Sagittarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People
laugh at you a great deal.
%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
You are optimistic and enthusiastic. You have a reckless
tendency to rely on luck since you lack talent. The majority of
Sagitarians are drunks or dope fiends or both. People laugh at
you a great deal.
%
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 to Dec. 21)
Move slowly today, be deliberate. Indications are for bleeding
ulcers. Drink milk. Try not to be your usual offensive and
@ -44770,9 +44466,6 @@ SAN DIEGO:
Four million people, where you can't get a
good cheeseburger, no matter how hard you try.
%
SAN FRANCISCO:
Marcel Proust editing an issue of Penthouse.
%
San Francisco has always been my favorite booing city. I don't mean the
people boo louder or longer, but there is a very special intimacy. When
they boo you, you know they mean *you*. Music, that's what it is to me.
@ -46797,11 +46490,6 @@ Spend extra time on hobby. Get plenty of rolling papers.
SPINSTER:
A bachelor's wife.
%
SPIRTLE:
The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands
right in your eye.
-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
%
Spirtle, n.:
The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
your eye.
@ -46812,10 +46500,6 @@ attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
%
Spock: We suffered 23 casualties in that attack, Captain.
%
SPOUSE:
Someone who'll stand by you through all the
trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
%
Spouse, n.:
Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you
wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
@ -47083,9 +46767,6 @@ Stult's Report:
Our problems are mostly behind us.
What we have to do now is fight the solutions.
%
STUPID:
Losing $25 on the tackle and $25 on the instant replay.
%
Stupid, n.:
Losing $25 on the game and $25 on the instant replay.
%
@ -47425,9 +47106,6 @@ T: One big monster, he called TROLL.
TACKY:
Serving grape kool-aid at religious functions.
%
TACT:
The unsaid part of what you're thinking.
%
Tact consists in knowing how far to go in going too far.
-- Jean Cocteau
%
@ -47554,10 +47232,6 @@ Tax reform means "Don't tax you, don't
tax me, tax that fellow behind the tree."
-- Russell Long
%
TAXES:
Of life's two certainties,
the only one for which you can get an extension.
%
Taxes are going up so fast, the government is likely to price itself
out of the market.
%
@ -48760,10 +48434,6 @@ The covers of this book are too far apart.
The cow is nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for us people to eat.
-- John McNulty
%
The cow is nothing but a machine with makes grass fit for us people to
eat.
-- John McNulty
%
The Creation of the Universe was made possible by a grant from Texas
Instruments.
-- Credits from the PBS program ``The Creation of the Universe''
@ -52283,9 +51953,6 @@ The shortest distance between any two puns is a straight line.
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Alito
%
The shortest distance between two points is under construction.
-- Noelie Altito
%
The Shuttle is now going five times the sound of speed.
-- Dan Rather, first landing of Columbia
%
@ -55311,8 +54978,6 @@ to what to do and where to go.
This life is yours. Some of it was given
to you; the rest, you made yourself.
%
This login session: $13.76, but for you $11.88.
%
This login session: $13.99
%
This login session: $13.99, but for you $11.88
@ -56414,8 +56079,6 @@ but fortunately, it can still be changed today.
%
Tomorrow will be canceled due to lack of interest.
%
Tomorrow will be cancelled due to lack of interest.
%
Tomorrow, you can be anywhere.
%
Tomorrow's computers some time next month.
@ -56828,16 +56491,6 @@ Did gyre and gimble in their cave
All mimsy was the CS-VAX
And Cory raths outgrabe.
"Beware the software rot, my son!
The faults that bite, the jobs that thrash!
Beware the broken pipe, and shun
The frumious system crash!"
%
'Twas midnight, and the UNIX hacks
Did gyre and gimble in their cave
All mimsy was the CS-VAX
And Cory raths outgrave.
"Beware the software rot, my son!
The faults that bite, the jobs that thrash!
Beware the broken pipe, and shun
@ -57184,9 +56837,6 @@ every persuasion. Meanwhile, fears of universal disaster sank to an all-time
low over the world.
-- Isaac Asimov
%
UNIVERSE:
The problem.
%
universe, n:
The problem.
%
@ -57315,9 +56965,6 @@ USENET would be a better laboratory is there were
more labor and less oratory.
-- Elizabeth Haley
%
USER:
A programmer who will believe anything you tell him.
%
User hostile.
%
User n.:
@ -59155,9 +58802,6 @@ What if there had been room at the inn?
What is a magician but a practicing theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
%
What is a magician but a practising theorist?
-- Obi-Wan Kenobi
%
What is actually happening, I am afraid, is that we all tell each
other and ourselves that software engineering techniques should be
improved considerably, because there is a crisis. But there are a few
@ -59632,10 +59276,6 @@ Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half
as good. Luckily this is not difficult.
-- Charlotte Whitton
%
Whatever you do will be insignificant, but it is very important that
you do it.
-- Ghandi
%
Whatever you do will be insignificant,
but it is very important that you do it.
-- Gandhi
@ -59983,10 +59623,6 @@ all go play in his cave, and every once in a while he would eat one of us.
It wasn't until later that I found out that Uncle Caveman was a bear.
-- Jack Handey
%
When I was a kid, we had a quick-sand box in the backyard.
I was an only child... eventually.
-- Steven Wright
%
When I was a young man, I vowed never to marry until I found the ideal
woman. Well, I found her -- but alas, she was waiting for the ideal man.
-- Robert Schuman
@ -61128,9 +60764,6 @@ implications.
Why attack God? He may be as miserable as we are.
-- Erik Satie
%
"Why be a man when you can be a success?"
-- Bertold Brecht
%
Why be a man when you can be a success?
-- Bertolt Brecht
%
@ -62025,13 +61658,6 @@ Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
%
Write yourself a threatening letter and pen a defiant reply.
%
WRITE-PROTECT TAB:
A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly
left by disk manufacturers. The use of the tab creates an error
message once in a while, but its aesthetic value far outweighs
the momentary inconvenience.
-- Robb Russon
%
write-protect tab, n:
A small sticker created to cover the unsightly notch carelessly left
by disk manufacturers. The use of the tab creates an error message
@ -64483,9 +64109,6 @@ Zall's Laws:
zeal, n:
Quality seen in new graduates -- if you're quick.
%
ZERO DEFECTS:
The result of shutting down a production line.
%
Zero Defects, n.:
The result of shutting down a production line.
%
@ -64498,10 +64121,6 @@ Zisla's Law:
If you're asked to join a parade, don't march behind the elephants.
%
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "Kind John"
%
Zounds! I was never so bethumped with words
since I first called my brother's father dad.
-- William Shakespeare, "King John"
%