diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes index d8be31e99318..b915dd637e09 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes @@ -678,7 +678,7 @@ extracurricular activity except you." "Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?" "Only to ten, Mudhead." - -- Firesign Theater + -- Firesign Theater % GREAT MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY #21 -- July 30, 1917 @@ -1780,7 +1780,7 @@ If the input was short of exact. A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking. % A CONS is an object which cares. - -- Bernie Greenberg. + -- Bernie Greenberg % A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it. @@ -4475,7 +4475,7 @@ Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate, whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion, prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences. Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy. - -- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932), + -- U.S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932), since withdrawn. % Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the @@ -5431,7 +5431,7 @@ For years a secret shame destroyed my peace -- I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece. But now I think a thought that brings me hope: Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope. - -- Justin Richardson. + -- Justin Richardson % For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH! % @@ -5720,7 +5720,7 @@ From the Pointless Comparison Collection: set off the flash bulb on your camera once. -- Peter Doms, manager of the Deep Space Network - systems program at JPL. + systems program at JPL % From the Pro 350 Pocket Service Guide, p. 49, Step 5 of the instructions on removing an I/O board from the card cage, comes a new @@ -5770,7 +5770,7 @@ stockings and desolating the country. % Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!! - -- Adventures of Asterix. + -- Adventures of Asterix % Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep". @@ -8456,7 +8456,7 @@ came out to inform the public. They thought it was just a jest and applauded. He repeated his warning, they shouted even louder. So I think the world will come to an end amid general applause from all the wits, who believe that it is a joke. - -- S. A. Kierkegaard (1813-1855) + -- S. A. Kierkegaard (1813-1855) % It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have @@ -12839,7 +12839,7 @@ The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use. - -- Abraham Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m. % @@ -13497,7 +13497,7 @@ The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on. % "The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in 1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert." - -- D. Letterman + -- David Letterman % The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says: Support your right to bare arms! @@ -13764,7 +13764,7 @@ Food and Gravel", which is what it tastes like. % The reason we come up with new versions is not to fix bugs. It's absolutely not. - -- Bill Gates + -- Bill Gates % The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all @@ -13988,7 +13988,7 @@ annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation. % The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are "100 percent American"... - -- U. S. Army (1945) + -- U.S. Army (1945) % The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to everybody and still nobody likes him. @@ -14098,7 +14098,7 @@ existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is obviously impossible. - -- Richard Davisson + -- Richard Davisson % There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying. @@ -15291,12 +15291,12 @@ Weiner's Law of Libraries: % Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if you run out of food. - -- Dean McLaughlin. + -- Dean McLaughlin % "Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five hundred." - -- The Mahabharata. + -- The Mahabharata % "We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later." % @@ -15762,7 +15762,7 @@ Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really". % Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. - -- A. Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. -- Oscar Wilde @@ -16439,7 +16439,7 @@ You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained. % You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. - -- Olin Miller. + -- Olin Miller % You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially if they are dead. diff --git a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 index 7db8a3e200fe..8f23c4ba20cd 100644 --- a/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 +++ b/games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2 @@ -429,7 +429,7 @@ Then I went to the library to find a thesis topic. I found a thesis topic: How to keep people from hanging out in front of the Dover. -- Sister Mary Elephant, - "Student Statement for Black Friday" + "Student Statement for Black Friday" % 1/2 /\(3) @@ -1671,7 +1671,7 @@ but Exxon has decided they smelled bad. message about facing challengehood tomorrow-wise. I dozed off during this, but the import seems to be that dinosaurs don't have anything to do with energy policy and neither do you." - -- P.J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell" + -- P. J. O'Rourke, "Holidays in Hell" % For example, in Year 1 that useless letter 'c' would be dropped to be replased either by 'k' or 's', and likewise 'x' would no longer be part of the @@ -2444,7 +2444,7 @@ cost a fortune to maintain and is still in danger of collapsing. really needed in the first place. I expect every installation has its own pet software which is analogous to the above. - -- K.E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa + -- K. E. Iverson, on the Leaning Tower of Pisa % It was the next morning that the armies of Twodor marched east laden with long lances, sharp swords, and death-dealing hangovers. The @@ -2590,34 +2590,11 @@ our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when you go out into the world it is best to hold hands and stick together. - -- Robert Fulghum, "All I ever really needed to know I learned - in kindergarten" + -- Robert Fulghum, "All I Ever Really Needed to Know + I Learned in Kindergarten" % - Most of what I really need to know about how to live, and what to -do, and how to be, I learned in kindergarten. Wisdom was not at the top -of the graduate school mountain, but there in the sandbox at nursery school. - These are the things I learned: Share everything. Play fair. -Don't hit people. Put things back where you found them. Clean up your -own mess. Don't take things that aren't yours. Say you're sorry when you -hurt someone. Wash your hands before you eat. Flush. Warm cookies and -cold milk are good for you. Live a balanced life. Learn some and think -some and draw and paint and sing and dance and play and work every day -some. - Take a nap every afternoon. When you go out into the world, watch -for traffic, hold hands, and stick together. Be aware of wonder. Remember -the little seed in the plastic cup. The roots go down and the plant goes -up and nobody really knows why, but we are all like that. -[...] - Think of what a better world it would be if we all -- the whole -world -- had cookies and milk about 3 o'clock every afternoon and then lay -down with our blankets for a nap. Or if we had a basic policy in our nation -and other nations to always put things back where we found them and cleaned -up our own messes. And it is still true, no matter how old you are, when -you go out into the world, it is best to hold hands and stick together. - -- Robert Flughum -% - Mother seemed pleased by my draft notice. "Just think of all the -people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son." + Mother seemed pleased by my draft notice. "Just think of all +the people in England, they've chosen you, it's a great honour, son." Laughingly I felled her with a right cross. -- Spike Milligan % @@ -2691,7 +2668,7 @@ stability: the static world order with planets circling about a central earth, priests subordinate to the Pope and serfs to their lord. But the Church soon made its peace with Galileo's cosmology. They had no choice; the earth really does revolve about the sun. - -- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" + -- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" % "My mother," said the sweet young steno, "says there are some things a girl should not do before twenty." @@ -3120,7 +3097,7 @@ to treat most bodily diseases as though the mind were in no way involved must be considered archaic in the light of new evidence about the way the human body functions. -- Norman Cousins, - "Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient" + "Anatomy of an Illness as Perceived by the Patient" % Penn's aunts made great apple pies at low prices. No one else in town could compete with the pie rates of Penn's aunts. @@ -3260,7 +3237,7 @@ differential algebra, Ritt, committed suicide in the early 1950's, largely, it is claimed, because few paid attention to his work. Probably he would have received more attention had he obtained the algorithm as well. - -- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J.F. Traub + -- Joel Moses, "Algorithms and Complexity", ed. J. F. Traub % Robert Kennedy's 1964 Senatorial campaign planners told him that their intention was to present him to the television viewers as a sincere, @@ -3454,7 +3431,7 @@ women, such as are we all? And thus happily sent forth, at our best, with good grace and fine wit, on calm noons, in fair climes, are we not God's Machineries of Joy?" "If Blake said that", said Father Brian, "he never lived in Dublin." - -- R. Bradbury, "The Machineries of Joy" + -- Ray Bradbury, "The Machineries of Joy" % Split 1/4 bottle .187 liters Half 1/2 bottle @@ -3534,7 +3511,7 @@ it then -- to learn. Learn why the world wags and what wags it. That is the only thing which the mind can never exhaust, never alienate, never be tortured by, never fear or distrust, and never dream of regretting. Learning is the only thing for you. Look what a lot of things there are to learn." - -- T.H. White, "The Once and Future King" + -- T. H. White, "The Once and Future King" % The big problem with pornography is defining it. You can't just say it's pictures of people naked. For example, you have these primitive @@ -5720,7 +5697,7 @@ You patch a bug, and dump it again: 101 blocks of crud on the disk! % A truly great man will neither trample on a worm nor sneak to an emperor. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % A baby is an alimentary canal with a loud voice at one end and no responsibility at the other. @@ -5820,7 +5797,7 @@ A boss with no humor is like a job that's no fun. % A box without hinges, key, or lid, Yet golden treasure inside is hid. - -- J.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. @@ -6123,7 +6100,7 @@ A conservative is one who is too cowardly to fight and too fat to run. A couch is as good as a chair. % A countryman between two lawyers is like a fish between two cats. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % A couple of young fellers were fishing at their special pond off the beaten track when out of the bushes jumped the Game Warden. Immediately, @@ -6270,7 +6247,7 @@ A fair exterior is a silent recommendation. A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved. - -- R.A. Heinlein + -- Robert A. Heinlein % A famous Lisp Hacker noticed an Undergraduate sitting in front of a Xerox 1108, trying to edit a complex Klone network via a browser. Wanting to help, @@ -6528,7 +6505,7 @@ to take it all away. A grammarian's life is always intense. % A great empire, like a great cake, is most easily diminished at the edges. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices. @@ -6624,7 +6601,7 @@ talk about Deimos rising in the East?' I said, `Yes?' He said `No.' -- attributed to Ray Bradbury % A horse! A horse! My kingdom for a horse! - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI" + -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI" % A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong! % @@ -6744,7 +6721,7 @@ think about programming is not worth knowing. % A language that doesn't have everything is actually easier to program in than some that do. - -- D.M. Ritchie + -- Dennis M. Ritchie % A lanky Texan was mad because Texas had just become the second largest state in the Union, so he made up his mind to move to Alaska. He drove for three days @@ -6811,7 +6788,7 @@ A life spent in search of the perfect hash brownie is a life well spent. A lifetime isn't nearly long enough to figure out what it's all about. % A light wife doth make a heavy husband. - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice" + -- William Shakespeare, "The Merchant of Venice" % A likely impossibility is always preferable to an unconvincing possibility. -- Aristotle @@ -6826,10 +6803,10 @@ A list is only as strong as its weakest link. A little experience often upsets a lot of theory. % A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation. - -- C.E. Ayres + -- C. E. Ayres % A little inaccuracy sometimes saves tons of explanation. - -- H.H. Munro, "Saki" + -- H. H. Munro, "Saki" % A little kid went up to Santa and asked him, "Santa, you know when I'm bad right?" And Santa says, "Yes, I do." The little kid then asks, "And you @@ -7324,7 +7301,7 @@ A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore. % A Nixon [is preferable to] a Dean Rusk -- who will be passionately wrong with a high sense of consistency. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % A non-vegetarian anti-abortionist is a contradiction in terms. -- Phyllis Schlafly @@ -7362,7 +7339,7 @@ With thought and sarcasm. A nuclear war can ruin your whole day. % A pain in the ass of major dimensions. - -- C.A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits + -- C. A. Desoer, on the solution of non-linear circuits % A Parable of Modern Research: @@ -7751,7 +7728,7 @@ of this necessary reorganization of our lives. It is difficult to believe that this state of mind can be produced by the recognition of such facts as that unsupported stones always fall to the ground. - -- J.W.N. Sullivan + -- J. W. N. Sullivan % A sense of humor keen enough to show a man his own absurdities will keep him from the commission of all sins, or nearly all, save those that are @@ -7869,7 +7846,7 @@ years?'" A squeegee by any other name wouldn't sound as funny. % A statesman is a politician who's been dead 10 or 15 years. - -- Harry S. Truman + -- Harry S Truman % A statistician, who refused to fly after reading of the alarmingly high probability that there will be a bomb on any given plane, realized that @@ -7905,7 +7882,7 @@ A stunning blonde, but probably all bean dip above the eyebrows. % A successful tool is one that was used to do something undreamed of by its author. - -- S.C. Johnson + -- S. C. Johnson % A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of. @@ -7922,7 +7899,7 @@ The Metamorphosis LITE(tm) A man turns into a bug and his family gets annoyed. Lord of the Rings LITE(tm) - -- by J.R.R. Tolkien + -- by J. R. R. Tolkien Some guys take a long vacation to throw a ring into a volcano. @@ -8178,7 +8155,7 @@ what he writes fiction. -- William Faulkner % A yawn is a silent shout. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % A year spent in Artificial Intelligence is enough to make one believe in God. % @@ -8343,7 +8320,7 @@ evaluated using a critical flicker frequency (CFF) test. Results of the CFF test indicated that tight neckwear significantly decreased the visual performance of the subjects and that visual performance did not improve immediately when tight neckwear was removed. - -- Langan, L.M. and Watkins, S.M. "Pressure of Menswear on the + -- Langan, L. M. and Watkins, S. M. "Pressure of Menswear on the Neck in Relation to Visual Performance." Human Factors 29, #1 (Feb. 1987), pp. 67-71. % @@ -8485,8 +8462,8 @@ Doris: I work for a company that makes deceptively shallow serving -- Woody Allen, "Without Feathers" % Actresses will happen in the best regulated families. - -- Addison Mizner and Oliver Herford, "The Entirely - New Cynic's Calendar", 1905 + -- Addison Mizner and Oliver Herford, + "The Entirely New Cynic's Calendar", 1905 % Actually, my goal is to have a sandwich named after me. % @@ -8614,8 +8591,8 @@ is permitted, except that which is prohibited. In the Soviet Union, under the law, everything is prohibited, including that which is permitted. And in Italy, under the law, everything is permitted, especially that which is prohibited. - -- Newton Minow, - Speech to the Association of American Law Schools, 1985 + -- Newton Minow, 1985, + Speech to the Association of American Law Schools % After a few boring years, socially meaningful rock 'n' roll died out. It was replaced by disco, which offers no guidance to any form of life @@ -8648,7 +8625,7 @@ With every goodbye you learn. % After all, all he did was string together a lot of old, well-known quotations. - -- H.L. Mencken, on Shakespeare + -- H. L. Mencken, on Shakespeare % After all is said and done, a hell of a lot more is said than done. % @@ -8664,7 +8641,7 @@ Just because it perished? After all, what is your hosts' purpose in having a party? Surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose, they'd have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % After an instrument has been assembled, extra components will be found on the bench. @@ -9166,7 +9143,7 @@ From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % All the big corporations depreciate their possessions, and you can, too, provided you use them for business purposes. For example, if you subscribe @@ -9268,7 +9245,7 @@ All's well that ends. % Almost anything derogatory you could say about today's software design would be accurate. - -- K.E. Iverson + -- K. E. Iverson % ALONE: In bad company. @@ -9464,7 +9441,7 @@ An alcoholic is someone you don't like who drinks as much as you do. -- Dylan Thomas % An algorithm must be seen to be believed. - -- D.E. Knuth + -- D. E. Knuth % An ambassador is an honest man sent abroad to lie and intrigue for the benefit of his country. @@ -9547,8 +9524,8 @@ with a vegetable love which would certainly not content me. Why, what a very pure young man this pure young man must be!" - -- W.S. Gilbert, "Patience" - [The subject of the humour is, of course, Oscar Wilde] + -- W. S. Gilbert, "Patience" + [The subject of the humour is of course, Oscar Wilde] % An attorney was defending his client against a charge of first-degree murder. "Your Honor, my client is accused of stuff his lover's @@ -9569,7 +9546,7 @@ An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible. % An efficient and a successful administration manifests itself equally in small as in great matters. - -- W. Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % An egghead is one who stands firmly on both feet, in mid-air, on both sides of an issue. @@ -9602,7 +9579,7 @@ trivial a corollary to be significant, let alone funny. An engineer is someone who does list processing in FORTRAN. % An Englishman never enjoys himself, except for a noble purpose. - -- A.P. Herbert + -- A. P. Herbert % An evil mind is a great comfort. % @@ -9673,7 +9650,7 @@ As Andy bade and till the very soil? Was he to leave the world upon the shelf? Let Andy have his labor to himself! -- Chaucer - [well, almost. Ed.] + [well, almost. Ed.] % An honest politician is one who when he is bought will stay bought. -- Simon Cameron @@ -9703,8 +9680,8 @@ An interpretation I satisfies a sentence in the table language if and only if each entry in the table designates the value of the function designated by the function constant in the upper-left corner applied to the objects designated by the corresponding row and column labels. - -- Genesereth & Nilsson, "Logical foundations of Artificial - Intelligence" + -- Genesereth & Nilsson, + "Logical foundations of Artificial Intelligence" % An investment in knowledge always pays the best interest. -- Benjamin Franklin @@ -9885,7 +9862,7 @@ what the dictionary says it means, you go to jail. No exceptions. -- David Jones % And malt does more than Milton can to justify God's ways to man. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % And miles to go before I sleep. % @@ -9951,7 +9928,7 @@ black males are primitive because the distance between their navel and penis remains small (relative to body height) throughout life, while white children begin with a small separation but increase it during growth -- the rising belly button as a mark of progress. - -- S.J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation" + -- S. J. Gould, "Racism and Recapitulation" % And the silence came surging softly backwards When the plunging hooves were gone... @@ -10013,8 +9990,8 @@ And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have a sense of humor, as does history. Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks tragedy, and this too is historic. And yet, still, when corn meets tragedy face to face, we have politics. - -- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, "Root Crops and - Ground Cover" + -- Dalglish, Larsen and Sutherland, + "Root Crops and Ground Cover" % And yet, seasons must be taken with a grain of salt, for they too have a sense of humor, as does history. Corn stalks comedy, comedy stalks @@ -10196,7 +10173,7 @@ can at least make a decision." "Somewhere," he grumphed, "there must be a naive, opportunistic young welp with a masochistic streak who would like to run the most up-and-down bureaucracy in the history of mankind." - -- R.L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly" + -- R. L. Forward, "Flight of the Dragonfly" % Any philosophy that can be put "in a nutshell" belongs there. -- Sydney Harris @@ -10239,7 +10216,7 @@ Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry. % Anybody has a right to evade taxes if he can get away with it. No citizen has a moral obligation to assist in maintaining his government. - -- J.P. Morgan + -- J. P. Morgan % Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office. @@ -10344,7 +10321,7 @@ over the cliff -- I mean if they're running and they don't look where they're going I have to come out from somewhere and catch them. That's all I'd do all day. I'd just be the catcher in the rye. I know it; I know it's crazy, but that's the only thing I'd really like to be. I know it's crazy. - -- J.D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye" + -- J. D. Salinger, "Catcher in the Rye" % Apathy Club meeting this Friday. If you want to come, you're not invited. @@ -10561,7 +10538,7 @@ Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they're yours. % Arguments are extremely vulgar, for everyone in good society holds exactly the same opinion. - -- O. Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % Arguments with furniture are rarely productive. % @@ -10588,7 +10565,7 @@ ARMADILLO: Armenians and Azerbaijanis in Stepanakert, capital of the Nagorno-Karabakh autonomous region, rioted over much needed spelling reform in the Soviet Union. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Armor's Axiom: Virtue is the failure to achieve vice. @@ -10730,7 +10707,7 @@ We may live with, but cannot live without 'em. % As Gen. de Gaulle occassionally acknowledges America to be the daughter of Europe, so I am pleased to come to Yale, the daughter of Harvard. - -- J.F. Kennedy + -- John F. Kennedy % As goatherd learns his trade by goat, so writer learns his trade by wrote. % @@ -11003,7 +10980,7 @@ Ask not for whom the telephone bell tolls... if thou art in the bathtub, it tolls for thee. % Ask not what's inside your head, but what your head's inside of. - -- J.J. Gibson + -- J. J. Gibson % Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so. -- John Stuart Mill @@ -11071,7 +11048,7 @@ At first sight, the idea of any rules or principles being superimposed on the creative mind seems more likely to hinder than to help, but this is quite untrue in practice. Disciplined thinking focuses inspiration rather than blinkers it. - -- G.L. Glegg, "The Design of Design" + -- G. L. Glegg, "The Design of Design" % At Group L, Stoffel oversees six first-rate programmers, a managerial challenge roughly comparable to herding cats. @@ -11082,7 +11059,7 @@ At last I've found the girl of my dreams. Last night she said to me, -- Strange de Jim % At least I thought I was dancing, 'til somebody stepped on my hand. - -- J.B. White + -- J. B. White % At no time is freedom of speech more precious than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. @@ -11097,7 +11074,7 @@ after fact and reason. % At social gatherings, I would amuse everyone by standing uponst the coffee table and striking meself repeatedly upon the head with a brick. - -- H.R. Gumby + -- H. R. Gumby % At the end of your life there'll be a good rest, and no further activities are scheduled. @@ -11163,7 +11140,7 @@ AUCTION: A gyp off the old block. % Audacity, and again, audacity, and always audacity. - -- G.J. Danton + -- G. J. Danton % audiophile, n: Someone who listens to the equipment instead of the music. @@ -11458,7 +11435,7 @@ Because I do not hope to survive Injustice from the Palace, death from the air, Because I do, only do, I continue... - -- T.S. Pynchon + -- T. S. Pynchon % Because the wine remembers. % @@ -11722,14 +11699,14 @@ planets, this may be the first message received from us. Between grand theft and a legal fee, there only stands a law degree. % Between infinite and short there is a big difference. - -- G.H. Gonnet + -- G. H. Gonnet % Between the idea And the reality Between the motion And the act Falls the Shadow - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Man" [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to system service dispatching.] @@ -11913,14 +11890,14 @@ Blessed are they who Go Around in Circles, for they Shall be Known as Wheels. % Blessed is he who expects no gratitude, for he shall not be disappointed. - -- W.C. Bennett + -- W. C. Bennett % Blessed is he who expects nothing, for he shall never be disappointed. -- Alexander Pope % Blessed is he who has reached the point of no return and knows it, for he shall enjoy living. - -- W.C. Bennett + -- W. C. Bennett % Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact. @@ -11961,7 +11938,7 @@ seemed to come from Texas. -- Ian Fleming, "Casino Royale" % Bondage maybe, discipline never! - -- T.K. + -- T. K. % Bones: "The man's DEAD, Jim!" % @@ -12335,7 +12312,7 @@ example of ancient nonsense -- the debate about angels on pinheads -- makes sense once you realize that theologians were not discussing whether five or eighteen would fit, but whether a pin could house a finite or an infinite number. - -- S.J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds" + -- S. J. Gould, "Wide Hats and Narrow Minds" % But if you wish at once to do nothing and to be respectable nowdays, the best pretext is to be at work on some profound study. @@ -12345,7 +12322,7 @@ But in our enthusiasm, we could not resist a radical overhaul of the system, in which all of its major weaknesses have been exposed, analyzed, and replaced with new weaknesses. -- Bruce Leverett, - "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers" + "Register Allocation in Optimizing Compilers" % But it does move! -- Galileo Galilei @@ -12424,7 +12401,7 @@ By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail. % By long-standing tradition, I take this opportunity to savage other designers in the thin disguise of good, clean fun. - -- P.J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April + -- P. J. Plauger, "Computer Language", 1988, April Fool's column. % By nature, men are nearly alike; @@ -12953,7 +12930,7 @@ Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint Him. % Christianity has not been tried and found wanting; it has been found difficult and not tried. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % Christianity might be a good thing if anyone ever tried it. -- George Bernard Shaw @@ -13039,7 +13016,7 @@ the dirt doesn't get any worse. -- Quentin Crisp % Cleanliness becomes more important when godliness is unlikely. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Cleanliness is next to impossible. % @@ -13170,7 +13147,7 @@ Cohn's Law: all your time reporting on the nothing you are doing. % Coincidences are spiritual puns. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % COLD: When the politicians walk around @@ -13193,7 +13170,7 @@ faculty played instead of the students, and even more interesting if the trustees played. There would be a great increase in broken arms, legs, and necks, and simultaneously an appreciable diminution in the loss to humanity. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % COLORADO: Where they don't buy M & M's, 'cause they're so hard to peel. @@ -13377,7 +13354,7 @@ characteristics of *software*, and not with hardware or management. % COMPASS [for the CDC-6000 series] is the sort of assembler one expects from a corporation whose president codes in octal. - -- J.N. Gray + -- J. N. Gray % Competence, like truth, beauty, and contact lenses, is in the eye of the beholder. @@ -13549,7 +13526,7 @@ Conscience is defined as the thing that hurts when everything else feels great. % Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Mencken Chrestomathy" % Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels so good. % @@ -13670,7 +13647,7 @@ capitalism. % Corruption is not the No. 1 priority of the Police Commissioner. His job is to enforce the law and fight crime. - -- P.B.A. President E.J. Kiernan + -- P.B.A. President E. J. Kiernan % Corry's Law: Paper is always strongest at the perforations. @@ -13744,7 +13721,7 @@ Crenna's Law of Political Accountability: regardless of your formal duties. % Crime does not pay... as well as politics. - -- A.E. Neuman + -- A. E. Neuman % CRITIC: A person who boasts himself hard to please @@ -13879,7 +13856,7 @@ Damn braces. % Damn, I need a Coke! -- Dr. William DeVries - [after implanting the first artificial human heart] + [after implanting the first artificial human heart] % DAMN IT, I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE! % @@ -13954,7 +13931,7 @@ hard to improve. % Dealing with the problem of pure staff accumulation, all our researches ... point to an average increase of 5.75% per year. - -- C.N. Parkinson + -- C. N. Parkinson % Dear Emily: How can I choose what groups to post in? @@ -14362,18 +14339,18 @@ will get the blame. % Democracy is also a form of worship. It is the worship of Jackals by Jackasses. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Democracy is the name we give the people whenever we need them. -- Arman de Caillavet, 1913 % Democracy is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % Democracy is the theory that the common people know what they want, and deserve to get it good and hard. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916 + -- H. L. Mencken, "Little Book in C major", 1916 % Democracy is the worst form of government except all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. @@ -14432,7 +14409,7 @@ Department chairmen never die, they just lose their faculties. % Depend on the rabbit's foot if you will, but remember, it didn't help the rabbit. - -- R.E. Shay + -- R. E. Shay % Deprive a mirror of its silver and even the Czar won't see his face. % @@ -14537,7 +14514,7 @@ should have in your .profile or .cshrc. file. Did you know that clones never use mirrors? % Did you know that for the price of a 280-Z you can buy two Z-80's? - -- P.J. Plauger + -- P. J. Plauger % Did you know the University of Iowa closed down after someone stole the book? @@ -14787,7 +14764,7 @@ think, for every one who does, and these people hate the thinkers like poison. Even if some thinkers are fanciful, it is wrong to make fun of them for it. Better to think about cucumbers even, than not to think at all. - -- T.H. White + -- T. H. White % Do you know Montana? % @@ -15000,7 +14977,7 @@ Don't I know you? Don't interfere with the stranger's style. % Don't just eat a hamburger; eat the HELL out of it. - -- J.R. "Bob" Dobbs + -- J. R. "Bob" Dobbs % Don't kid yourself. Little is relevant, and nothing lasts forever. % @@ -15186,8 +15163,8 @@ Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of, Double Bucky, I'm happy I heard of, Double Bucky, I'd like a whole word of you! -- to Niklaus Wirth, who suggested that an extra bit - be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use - by screen editors. [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"] + be added to terminal codes on 36-bit machines for use + by screen editors. [to the tune of "Rubber Ducky"] % double-blind Experiment, n: An experiment in which the chief researcher believes he is @@ -15553,7 +15530,7 @@ Education is the process of casting false pearls before real swine. -- Irwin Edman % Education is what survives when what has been learnt has been forgotten. - -- B.F. Skinner + -- B. F. Skinner % Educational television should be absolutely forbidden. It can only lead to unreasonable disappointment when your child discovers that the letters @@ -15729,7 +15706,7 @@ Management: "When will this work?" Liberal Arts: "Do you want fries with that?" % English literature's performing flea. - -- Sean O'Casey on P.G. Wodehouse + -- Sean O'Casey on P. G. Wodehouse % Engram, n: 1. The physical manifestation of human memory -- "the engram." @@ -16330,7 +16307,7 @@ Well look again. % Evil is that which one believes of others. It is a sin to believe evil of others, but it is seldom a mistake. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Evolution is a million line computer program falling into place by accident. @@ -16346,7 +16323,7 @@ respect to theories about how the process operates. % Examinations are formidable even to the best prepared, for even the greatest fool may ask more than the wisest man can answer. - -- C.C. Colton + -- C. C. Colton % Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. @@ -17032,7 +17009,7 @@ For every credibility gap, there is a gullibility fill. % For every human problem, there is a neat, plain solution -- and it is always wrong. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % For example, if \thinmskip = 3mu, this makes \thickmskip = 6mu. But if you also want to use \skip12 for horizontal glue, whether in math mode or @@ -17127,7 +17104,7 @@ last step of doing away with computers altogether?" For the fashion of Minas Tirith was such that it was built on seven levels, each delved into a hill, and about each was set a wall, and in each wall was a gate. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King" + -- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Return of the King" [Quoted in "VMS Internals and Data Structures", V4.4, when referring to system overview.] @@ -17242,7 +17219,7 @@ Forgive and forget. % Forgive him, for he believes that the customs of his tribe are the laws of nature! - -- G.B. Shaw + -- G. B. Shaw % Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me. @@ -17258,13 +17235,13 @@ FORTH IF HONK THEN FORTRAN is a good example of a language which is easier to parse using ad hoc techniques. -- D. Gries - [What's good about it? Ed.] + [What's good about it? Ed.] % FORTRAN is for pipe stress freaks and crystallography weenies. % FORTRAN is not a flower but a weed -- it is hardy, occasionally blooms, and grows in every computer. - -- A.J. Perlis + -- A. J. Perlis % FORTRAN is the language of Powerful Computers. -- Steven Feiner @@ -18254,7 +18231,7 @@ Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. -- H. H. Williams % Furious activity is no substitute for understanding. - -- H.H. Williams + -- H. H. Williams % Furthermore, if we send something by car, it's a shipment... but if we send it by ship, it's cargo. @@ -18326,7 +18303,7 @@ GENEALOGY: -- Ambrose Bierce % General notions are generally wrong. - -- Lady M.W. Montagu + -- Lady M. W. Montagu % Generally speaking, the Way of the warrior is resolute acceptance of death. -- Miyamoto Musashi, 1645 @@ -18649,7 +18626,7 @@ Go ahead, make my day. -- Harry Callahan % Go away, I'm all right. - -- H.G. Wells' last words. + -- H. G. Wells' last words. % Go away! Stop bothering me with all your "compute this ... compute that"! I'm taking a VAX-NAP. @@ -18661,7 +18638,7 @@ Go climb a gravity well. Go directly to jail. Do not pass Go, do not collect $200. % Go not to the elves for counsel, for they will say both yes and no. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % Go out and tell a lie that will make the whole family proud of you. -- Cadmus, to Pentheus, in "The Bacchae" by Euripides @@ -18742,7 +18719,7 @@ God help those who do not help themselves. -- Wilson Mizner % God helps them that helps themselves. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % God, I ask for patience -- and I want it right now! % @@ -18961,7 +18938,7 @@ Good night to spend with family, but avoid arguments with your mate's new lover. % Good salesmen and good repairmen will never go hungry. - -- R.E. Schenk + -- R. E. Schenk % Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths good theatre. -- Gail Godwin @@ -19619,7 +19596,7 @@ appear to be unqualifiedly ratty, raffish, sordid, obscene and low down, and its salient virtuosi a gang of unmitigated scoundrels? Then let us not forget its high capacity to soothe and tickel the midriff, its incomparable services as a maker of entertainment. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" % Haste makes waste. -- John Heywood @@ -19655,7 +19632,7 @@ somewhere else; this is not advice, it is merely custom. -- Mark Twain % Have a taco. - -- P.S. Beagle + -- P. S. Beagle % Have at you! % @@ -19738,7 +19715,7 @@ then takes off for warmer weather where she eats and eats and eats. For two months, the father stands stiff, without food, blind in the 24-hour dark, balancing the egg on his feet. After the little penguin is hatched, the mother sees fit to come home. - -- L.M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman" + -- L. M. Boyd, "Austin American-Statesman" % Having a wonderful wine, wish you were beer. % @@ -19900,13 +19877,13 @@ And helps you with your girdle when your hips stick. -- O. Nash, on the perfect husband % He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % He that bringeth a present, findeth the door open. -- Scottish proverb. % He that composes himself is wiser than he that composes a book. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % He that is giddy thinks the world turns round. -- William Shakespeare, "The Taming of the Shrew" @@ -20089,7 +20066,7 @@ He who walks on burning coals is sure to get burned. -- Sinbad % He who wonders discovers that this in itself is wonder. - -- M.C. Escher + -- M. C. Escher % He who writes with no misspelled words has prevented a first suspicion on the limits of his scholarship or, in the social world, of his general @@ -20148,7 +20125,7 @@ Hearts will never be practical until they can be made unbreakable. Heaven and earth were created all together in the same instant, on October 23rd, 4004 B.C. at nine o'clock in the morning. -- Dr. John Lightfoot, - Vice-chancellor of Cambridge University + Vice-chancellor of Cambridge University % heaven, n: A place where the wicked cease from troubling you with talk of @@ -20176,7 +20153,7 @@ Hell, if you don't try to remake someone, how are they supposed to know you care? % Hell is empty and all the devils are here. - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "The Tempest" + -- William Shakespeare, "The Tempest" % hell, n: Truth seen too late. @@ -20586,7 +20563,7 @@ Some of the monks doubted the orthodoxy of this prayer technique... His heart was yours from the first moment that you met. % His ideas of first-aid stopped short of squirting soda water. - -- P.G. Wodehouse + -- P. G. Wodehouse % His life was formal; his actions seemed ruled with a ruler. % @@ -20676,11 +20653,7 @@ H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. Mencken. There is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. -- Maxwell Bodenhein % -H.L. Mencken suffers from the hallucination that he is H.L. -Mencken -- there is no cure for a disease of that magnitude. - -- Maxwell Bodenheim -% -H.L. Mencken's Law: +H. L. Mencken's Law: Those who can -- do. Those who can't -- teach. @@ -20777,7 +20750,7 @@ Honesty is for the most part less profitable than dishonesty. -- Plato % Honesty pays, but it doesn't seem to pay enough to suit some people. - -- F.M. Hubbard + -- F. M. Hubbard % Honesty's the best policy. -- Miguel de Cervantes @@ -21063,7 +21036,7 @@ walked upstairs to the x-ray department where he took the confirmatory x-ray film. In 1956, Dr. Forssman was awarded the Nobel Prize. % Human kind cannot bear very much reality. - -- T.S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Four Quartets: Burnt Norton" % Human resources are human first, and resources second. -- J. Garbers @@ -21293,7 +21266,7 @@ I am professionally trained in computer science, which is to say % I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. - -- W. Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top. @@ -21368,7 +21341,7 @@ the people who might elect him. -- John F. Kennedy % I believe in getting into hot water; it keeps you clean. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % I believe in sex and death -- two experiences that come once in a lifetime. -- Woody Allen @@ -21468,7 +21441,7 @@ To find my way... In the dark! % I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better. - -- A.J. Liebling + -- A. J. Liebling % I cannot and will not cut my conscience to fit this year's fashions. -- Lillian Hellman @@ -21867,7 +21840,7 @@ I give you the man who -- the man who -- uh, I forgets the man who? -- Beauregard Bugleboy % I go on working for the same reason a hen goes on laying eggs. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % I go the way that Providence dictates. -- Adolf Hitler @@ -21996,7 +21969,7 @@ implement a PL/1 compiler. I had to hit him -- he was starting to make sense. % I hate babies. They're so human. - -- H.H. Munro + -- H. H. Munro % I hate dying. -- Dave Johnson @@ -22063,7 +22036,7 @@ The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow-- Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow; For he sometimes shoots up taller, like an india-rubber ball, And he sometimes gets so little that there's none of him at all. - -- R.L. Stevenson + -- Robert L. Stevenson % I have a map of the United States. It's actual size. I spent last summer folding it. @@ -22078,7 +22051,7 @@ I have a simple philosophy: Fill what's empty. Empty what's full. Scratch where it itches. - -- A.R. Longworth + -- A. R. Longworth % I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. On and off. On and off. One day I @@ -22193,7 +22166,7 @@ I have more humility in my little finger than you have in your whole BODY! % I have never been one to sacrifice my appetite on the altar of appearance. - -- A.M. Readyhough + -- A. M. Readyhough % I have never let my schooling interfere with my education. -- Mark Twain @@ -22203,7 +22176,7 @@ I have never seen anything fill up a vacuum so fast and still suck. Steve Jobs said two years ago that X is brain-damaged and it will be gone in two years. He was half right. - -- Dennis Ritchie + -- Dennis M. Ritchie Dennis Ritchie is twice as bright as Steve Jobs, and only half wrong. -- Jim Gettys @@ -22650,7 +22623,7 @@ I never vote for anyone. I always vote against. -- W.C. Fields % I often quote myself; it adds spice to my conversation. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % I only know what I read in the papers. -- Will Rogers @@ -22672,7 +22645,7 @@ toilet seat. -- Michael McShane % I owe the public nothing. - -- J.P. Morgan + -- J. P. Morgan % I own my own body, but I share. % @@ -23164,7 +23137,7 @@ paneling. -- Jack Handley, The New Mexican, 1988. % I think we are in Rats Alley where the dead men lost their bones. - -- T.S. Eliot + -- T. S. Eliot % I think we're all Bozos on this bus. -- Firesign Theatre @@ -23196,8 +23169,8 @@ If she had not said what he wanted to hear, And he had not done just the same, They'd have been far more honest, and never have met, And would not have had fun with the game. - -- Judith Schrier, "Face to Face After Six Months of - Electronic Mail" + -- Judith Schrier, + "Face to Face After Six Months of Electronic Mail" % I thought there was something fishy about the butler. Probably a Pisces, working for scale. @@ -23225,7 +23198,7 @@ and drown myself in the noise. -- Charles Schmid, the "Tucson Murderer" % I trust the first lion he meets will do his duty. - -- J.P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari + -- J. P. Morgan on Teddy Roosevelt's safari % I try not to break the rules but merely to test their elasticity. -- Bill Veeck @@ -23471,7 +23444,7 @@ showed the pulsar's temperature to be less than absolute zero. I had found an error. I chased down the error and fixed it. Now I had improved the program to the point where it would not run at all. -- George Greenstein, "Frozen Star: - Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars" + Of Pulsars, Black Holes and the Fate of Stars" % I went over to my friend, he was eatin' a pickle. I said "Hi, what's happenin'?" @@ -23923,7 +23896,7 @@ goose-liver pate out of goose feathers, so why worry? -- Sparky Anderson % If a thing's worth doing, it is worth doing badly. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % If a thing's worth having, it's worth cheating for. -- W.C. Fields @@ -24013,7 +23986,7 @@ If at first you don't succeed, quit; don't be a nut about success. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. % If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. - -- W.E. Hickson + -- W. E. Hickson % If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it. @@ -24071,9 +24044,9 @@ If dolphins are so smart, why did Flipper work for television? % If England treats her criminals the way she has treated me, she doesn't deserve to have any. - -- Oscar Wilde, reportedly while standing handcuffed in a - driving rain, waiting for transport to prison upon his - conviction for sodomy. + -- Oscar Wilde, reportedly while standing handcuffed in + a driving rain, waiting for transport to prison upon + his conviction for sodomy. % If ever the pleasure of one has to be bought by the pain of the other, there better be no trade. A trade by which one gains and the other loses @@ -24332,7 +24305,7 @@ If I promised you the moon and the stars, would you believe it? % If I set here and stare at nothing long enough, people might think I'm an engineer working on something. - -- S.R. McElroy + -- S. R. McElroy % If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? % @@ -24493,7 +24466,7 @@ If you try to cut wood like a master carpenter, % If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien + -- J. R. R. Tolkien % If once a man indulges himself in murder, very soon he comes to think little of robbing; and from robbing he next comes to drinking and Sabbath-breaking, @@ -24520,8 +24493,8 @@ get an unfair advantage. -- John Dewey, "Democracy in the Schools", 1908 % If one tells the truth, one is sure, sooner or later, to be found out. - -- Oscar Wilde, "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use - of the Young" + -- Oscar Wilde, + "Phrases and Philosophies for the Use of the Young" % If only Dionysus were alive! Where would he eat? -- Woody Allen @@ -24543,7 +24516,7 @@ face the uncertainty of whether you love her. If opportunity came disguised as temptation, one knock would be enough. % If parents would only realize how they bore their children. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed. @@ -24967,7 +24940,7 @@ If you can lead it to water and force it to drink, it isn't a horse. If you can survive death, you can probably survive anything. % If you cannot convince them, confuse them. - -- Harry S. Truman + -- Harry S Truman % If you cannot in the long run tell everyone what you have been doing, your doing was worthless. @@ -24977,7 +24950,7 @@ If you can't be good, be careful. If you can't be careful, give me a call. % If you can't convince them, confuse them. - -- Harry S. Truman + -- Harry S Truman % If you can't get your work done in the first 24 hours, work nights. % @@ -25160,11 +25133,11 @@ hype. If you hype it and it fails, then it was just a hype. % If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. - -- A.J. Liebling, "The Press" + -- A. J. Liebling, "The Press" % If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior. - -- A.J. Liebling + -- A. J. Liebling % If you keep an open mind people will throw a lot of garbage in it. % @@ -25388,7 +25361,7 @@ and laid them end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. -- Dorothy Parker % If you treat people right they will treat you right -- 90% of the time. - -- F.D. Roosevelt + -- Franklin D. Roosevelt % If you try to please everyone, somebody is not going to like it. % @@ -25946,7 +25919,7 @@ Immature artists imitate, mature artists steal. -- Lionel Trilling % Immature poets imitate, mature poets steal. - -- T.S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Philip Massinger" % Immigration is the sincerest form of flattery. -- Jack Paar @@ -26116,7 +26089,7 @@ This is called Monotony. In computing, the mean time to failure keeps getting shorter. % In defeat, unbeatable; in victory, unbearable. - -- W. Churchill, on General Montgomery + -- Winston Churchill, on General Montgomery % In dwelling, be close to the land. In meditation, delve deep into the heart. @@ -26210,7 +26183,7 @@ The cuckoo-clock. % In just seven days, I can make you a man! -- The Rocky Horror Picture Show - [ (and seven nights...) Ed.] + [ (and seven nights...) Ed.] % In less than a century, computers will be making substantial progress on ... the overriding problem of war and peace. @@ -26256,7 +26229,7 @@ becoming pure energy. % In Nature there are neither rewards nor punishments, there are consequences. - -- R.G. Ingersoll + -- R. G. Ingersoll % In olden times sacrifices were made at the altar -- a practice which is still continued. @@ -26516,7 +26489,7 @@ In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes. % In this world of sin and sorrow there is always something to be thankful for; as for me, I rejoice that I am not a Republican. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % In this world some people are going to like me and some are not. So, I may as well be me. Then I know if someone likes me, they like me. @@ -26529,7 +26502,7 @@ In this world, truth can wait; she's used to it. % In time, every post tends to be occupied by an employee who is incompetent to carry out its duties. - -- Dr. L.J. Peter + -- Dr. L. J. Peter % In /users3 did Kubla Kahn A stately pleasure dome decree, @@ -26562,7 +26535,7 @@ And there were gardens bright with sinuous rills, Where blossomed many an incense-bearing tree; And here were forest ancient as the hills, Enfolding sunny spots of greenery. - -- S.T. Coleridge, "Kubla Kahn" + -- S. T. Coleridge, "Kubla Kahn" % In youth, it was a way I had To do my best to please, @@ -26595,7 +26568,7 @@ Indecision is the true basis for flexibility. Indeed, the first noble truth of Buddhism, usually translated as `all life is suffering,' is more accurately rendered `life is filled with a sense of pervasive unsatisfactoriness.' - -- M.D. Epstein + -- M. D. Epstein % INDEX: Alphabetical list of words of no possible interest where an @@ -26695,7 +26668,7 @@ ink, n: A villainous compound of tannogallate of iron, gum-arabic, and water, chiefly used to facilitate the infection of idiocy and promote intellectual crime. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Innocence ends when one is stripped of the delusion that one likes oneself. @@ -26948,7 +26921,7 @@ then some x has property P] expresses a logical law, since P(x) could stand for, let us say "x is a better logician than I am", and the statement "It is necessary that if someone is a better logician than I am then someone is a better logician than I am" is false because there need not have been any me. - -- A.N. Prior, "Time and Modality" + -- A. N. Prior, "Time and Modality" % It destroys one's nerves to be amiable every day to the same human being. -- Benjamin Disraeli @@ -27334,11 +27307,11 @@ that makes life blessed. % It is not enough that I should succeed. Others must fail. -- Ray Kroc, Founder of McDonald's - [Also attributed to David Merrick. Ed.] + [Also attributed to David Merrick. Ed.] It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail. -- Gore Vidal - [Great minds think alike? Ed.] + [Great minds think alike? Ed.] % It is not enough to have a good mind. The main thing is to use it well. @@ -27403,7 +27376,7 @@ It is now pitch dark. If you proceed, you will likely fall into a pit. It is now quite lawful for a Catholic woman to avoid pregnancy by a resort to mathematics, though she is still forbidden to resort to physics and chemistry. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % It is often easier to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission. -- Grace Murray Hopper @@ -27450,7 +27423,7 @@ It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: "And this, too, shall pass away." - -- A. Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % It is said that the lonely eagle flies to the mountain peaks while the lowly ant crawls the ground, but cannot the soul of the ant soar as @@ -27597,8 +27570,8 @@ It pays to be obvious, especially if you have a reputation for subtlety. % It proves what they say, give the public what they want to see and they'll come out for it. - -- Red Skelton, surveying the funeral of Hollywood mogul - Harry Cohn + -- Red Skelton, surveying the funeral of Hollywood + mogul Harry Cohn % It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better... while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much @@ -27641,7 +27614,7 @@ It takes both a weapon, and two people, to commit a murder. % It takes less time to do a thing right than it does to explain why you did it wrong. - -- H.W. Longfellow + -- H. W. Longfellow % It takes two to tell the truth: one to speak and one to hear. % @@ -27784,7 +27757,7 @@ It's a poor workman who blames his tools. % It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. - -- Harry S. Truman + -- Harry S Truman % It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it. -- Steven Wright @@ -27981,7 +27954,7 @@ It's not enough to be Hungarian; you must have talent too. -- Alexander Korda % It's not hard to admit errors that are [only] cosmetically wrong. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % It's not reality that's important, but how you perceive things. % @@ -28378,7 +28351,7 @@ Juall's Law on Nice Guys: Judges, as a class, display, in the matter of arranging alimony, that reckless generosity which is found only in men who are giving away someone else's cash. - -- P.G. Wodehouse, "Louder and Funnier" + -- P. G. Wodehouse, "Louder and Funnier" % Just a few of the perfect excuses for having some strawberry shortcake. Pick one. @@ -28410,10 +28383,10 @@ Driving me to the airport And to the friendly skies. -- Crosby, Stills, Nash, "Just a Song Before I Go" % -Just as I cannot remember any time when I could not read and write, I cannot -remember any time when I did not exercise my imagination in daydreams about -women. - -- G.B. Shaw +Just as I cannot remember any time when I could not read and write, I +cannot remember any time when I did not exercise my imagination in +daydreams about women. + -- George Bernard Shaw % Just as most issues are seldom black or white, so are most good solutions seldom black or white. Beware of the solution that requires one side to be @@ -29086,7 +29059,7 @@ Lawyer's Rule: When both are against you, call the other lawyer names. % Lay off the muses, it's a very tough dollar. - -- S.J. Perelman + -- S. J. Perelman % Lay on, MacDuff, and curs'd be him who first cries, "Hold, enough!". -- Shakespeare @@ -29199,7 +29172,7 @@ Let him choose out of my files, his projects to accomplish. Let me assure you that to us here at First National, you're not just a number. You're two numbers, a dash, three more numbers, another dash and another number. - -- James Estes + -- James Estes % Let me not to the marriage of true minds Admit impediments. Love is not love @@ -29233,7 +29206,7 @@ around his neck. -- Dave Barry % Let no guilty man escape. - -- U.S. Grant + -- U. S. Grant % Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. % @@ -29274,7 +29247,7 @@ Streets that follow like a tedious argument Of insidious intent To lead you to an overwhelming question... Oh, do not ask, "What is it?" - -- T.S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" + -- T. S. Eliot, "Love song of J. Alfred Prufrock" % Let us live!!! Let us love!!! @@ -29477,7 +29450,7 @@ change his bed. -- Charles Baudelaire % Life is a series of rude awakenings. - -- R.V. Winkle + -- R. V. Winkle % Life is a serious burden, which no thinking, humane person would wantonly inflict on someone else. @@ -29555,7 +29528,7 @@ Life is the urge to ecstasy. Life is to you a dashing and bold adventure. % Life is too short to be taken seriously. - -- O. Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % Life is too short to stuff a mushroom. -- Storm Jameson @@ -29593,7 +29566,7 @@ Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code. -- Dave Olson % Life would be tolerable but for its amusements. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % Life's too short to dance with ugly women. % @@ -29798,9 +29771,9 @@ their desires, they're ready to buy, they're ready to spend, it is a thing that is too complex and too big to be affected adversely or advantageously just by a few words or any particular -- say, a little this and that, or even a panacea so alleged. - -- D.D. Eisenhower, in response to: "Has the government - been lacking in courage and boldness in facing up to - the recession?" + -- Dwight D. Eisenhower, in response to: "Has the + government been lacking in courage and boldness in + facing up to the recession?" % Literature is mostly about having sex and not much about having children. Life is the other way around. @@ -29986,7 +29959,7 @@ JUST SCREW-UP ONE MORE TIME!!!!!!! Long ago I proposed that unsuccessful candidates for the Presidency be quietly hanged, as a matter of public sanitation and decorum. The sight of their grief must have a very evil effect upon the young. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Carnival of Buncombe" % Long computations which yield zero are probably all for naught. % @@ -30171,7 +30144,7 @@ raises some pretty good questions. -- Woody Allen % Love is the delusion that one woman differs from another. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Love is the desire to prostitute oneself. There is, indeed, no exalted pleasure that cannot be related to prostitution. @@ -30184,7 +30157,7 @@ Love is the process of my leading you gently back to yourself. -- Saint Exupery % Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Love IS what it's cracked up to be. % @@ -30275,7 +30248,7 @@ Luck can't last a lifetime, unless you die young. -- Russell Banks % Luck, that's when preparation and opportunity meet. - -- P.E. Trudeau + -- P. E. Trudeau % Lucky, adj: When you have a wife and a cigarette @@ -30387,7 +30360,7 @@ Male, n: % Maier's Law: If the facts do not conform to the theory, they must be disposed of. - -- N.R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960 + -- N. R. Maier, "American Psychologist", March 1960 Corollaries: 1. The bigger the theory, the better. @@ -30477,7 +30450,7 @@ Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. % Man is a military animal, Glories in gunpowder, and loves parade. - -- P.J. Bailey + -- P. J. Bailey % Man is a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. @@ -30996,7 +30969,7 @@ lots of folks who ain't using ain't ain't eatin' well. -- Will Rogers % Maybe Computer Science should be in the College of Theology. - -- R.S. Barton + -- R. S. Barton % Maybe Jesus was right when he said that the meek shall inherit the earth -- but they inherit very small plots, about six feet by three. @@ -31148,11 +31121,11 @@ Men freely believe that what they wish to desire. % Men have a much better time of it than women; for one thing they marry later; for another thing they die earlier. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Men have as exaggerated an idea of their rights as women have of their wrongs. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % Men live for three things, fast cars, fast women and fast food. % @@ -31410,7 +31383,7 @@ is crisp and golden. Serve warm. Cut into 6 to 8 slices. -- Found lurking on a Ritz Crackers box % Modeling paged and segmented memories is tricky business. - -- P.J. Denning + -- P. J. Denning % modem, adj: Up-to-date, new-fangled, as in "Thoroughly Modem Millie." An @@ -31438,14 +31411,14 @@ is important also to see that we have not reached that day yet: the working assumption is a necessary one and there is no real evidence opposed to it. Our failure to solve a problem so far does not make it insoluble. One cannot logically be a determinist in physics and biology, and a mystic in psychology. - -- D.O. Hebb, "Organization of Behavior: A Neuropsychological - Theory", 1949 + -- D. O. Hebb, "Organization of Behavior: + A Neuropsychological Theory", 1949 % MODESTY: Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness. % Modesty is a vastly overrated virtue. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % Modesty: the gentle art of enhancing your charm by pretending not to be aware of it. @@ -31518,11 +31491,11 @@ To the man-in-the-street, who, I'm sorry to say, Is a keen observer of life, The word intellectual suggests right away A man who's untrue to his wife. - -- W.H. Auden, "Collected Shorter Poems" + -- W. H. Auden, "Collected Shorter Poems" % Money can't buy happiness, but it can make you awfully comfortable while you're being miserable. - -- C.B. Luce + -- C. B. Luce % Money can't buy love, but it improves your bargaining position. -- Christopher Marlowe @@ -31557,7 +31530,7 @@ Moneyliness is next to Godliness. -- Andries van Dam % Monogamy is the Western custom of one wife and hardly any mistresses. - -- H.H. Munro + -- H. H. Munro % MONOTONY: Marriage to one woman at a time. @@ -31588,7 +31561,7 @@ More are taken in by hope than by cunning. -- Vauvenargues % More people are flattered into virtue than bullied out of vice. - -- R.S. Surtees + -- R. S. Surtees % More people died at Chappaquidick than at 3-mile island. % @@ -31682,7 +31655,7 @@ Most people are unable to write because they are unable to think, and they are unable to think because they congenitally lack the equipment to do so, just as they congenitally lack the equipment to fly over the moon. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Most people can do without the essentials, but not without the luxuries. % @@ -31693,14 +31666,14 @@ Most people don't need a great deal of love nearly so much as they need a steady supply. % Most people eat as though they were fattening themselves for market. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % Most people feel that everyone is entitled to their opinion. % Most people have a furious itch to talk about themselves and are restrained only by the disinclination of others to listen. Reserve is an artificial quality that is developed in most of us as the result of innumerable rebuffs. - -- W.S. Maugham + -- W. S. Maugham % Most people have a mind that's open by appointment only. % @@ -31962,11 +31935,11 @@ just as high and wild as I was: no doubt at all about that. "My country, right or wrong" is a thing that no patriot would think of saying, except in a desperate case. It is like saying "My mother, drunk or sober." - -- G.K. Chesterton, "The Defendant" + -- G. K. Chesterton, "The Defendant" % "My country right or wrong" is like saying, "My mother drunk or sober." - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % My cup hath runneth'd over with love. % @@ -31984,7 +31957,7 @@ My doctorate's in Literature, but it seems like a pretty good pulse to me. My experience with government is when things are non-controversial, beautifully co-ordinated and all the rest, it must be that not much is going on. - -- J.F. Kennedy + -- John F. Kennedy % My family history begins with me, but yours ends with you. -- Iphicrates @@ -32000,7 +31973,7 @@ My father taught me three things: % My father was a God-fearing man, but he never missed a copy of the New York Times, either. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % My father was a saint, I'm not. -- Indira Gandhi @@ -32072,7 +32045,7 @@ My own dear love, he is all my heart -- % My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right thing to say. And then say it with the utmost levity. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % My mind can never know my body, although it has become quite friendly with my legs. @@ -32105,7 +32078,7 @@ And once you're gone you can never come back There's more to the picture When you're out of the blue Than meets the eye And into the black -- Neil Young - "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue), Rust Never Sleeps" + "My My, Hey Hey (Out of the Blue), Rust Never Sleeps" % My notion of a husband at forty is that a woman should be able to change him, like a bank note, for two twenties. @@ -32117,7 +32090,7 @@ Too early seen unknown, and known too late! My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I am right. % My own business always bores me to death; I prefer other people's. - -- O. Wilde + -- Oscar Wilde % My own dear love, he is strong and bold And he cares not what comes after. @@ -32640,7 +32613,7 @@ Never volunteer for anything. % Never worry about theory as long as the machinery does what it's supposed to do. - -- R.A. Heinlein + -- Robert A. Heinlein % new, adj: Different color from previous model. @@ -32915,7 +32888,7 @@ and if we are loved we are indispensable. -- Robert Louis Stevenson % No man would listen to you talk if he didn't know it was his turn next. - -- E.W. Howe + -- E. W. Howe % No man's ambition has a right to stand in the way of performing a simple act of justice. @@ -32972,7 +32945,7 @@ No one can feel as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish. % No one can have a higher opinion of him than I have, and I think he's a dirty little beast. - -- W.S. Gilbert + -- W. S. Gilbert % No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. -- Eleanor Roosevelt @@ -33032,7 +33005,7 @@ Refrain: No poet or novelist wishes he was the only one who ever lived, but most of them wish they were the only one alive, and quite a number fondly believe their wish has been granted. - -- W.H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand" + -- W. H. Auden, "The Dyer's Hand" % No problem is insoluble in all conceivable circumstances. % @@ -33194,8 +33167,8 @@ And then it's too late. % Nobody shot me. -- Frank Gusenberg, his last words, when asked by police - who had shot him 14 times with a machine gun in the Saint - Valentine's Day Massacre. + who had shot him 14 times with a machine gun in the + Saint Valentine's Day Massacre. Only Capone kills like that. -- George "Bugs" Moran, on the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre @@ -33238,7 +33211,7 @@ Noncombatant: -- Ambrose Bierce % Non-Determinism is not meant to be reasonable. - -- M.J. 0'Donnell + -- M. J. 0'Donnell % Nondeterminism means never having to say you are wrong. % @@ -33259,7 +33232,7 @@ Nonsense. Space is blue and birds fly through it. -- Heisenberg % Nonsense and beauty have close connections. - -- E.M. Forster + -- E. M. Forster % Noone ever built a statue to a critic. % @@ -33477,7 +33450,7 @@ Nothing in life is so exhilarating as to be shot at without result. Next to being shot at and missed, nothing is really quite as satisfying as an income tax refund. - -- F.J. Raymond + -- F. J. Raymond % Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood. % @@ -33502,7 +33475,7 @@ Nothing is illegal if one hundred businessmen decide to do it. -- Andrew Young % Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. - -- A.H. Weiler + -- A. H. Weiler % Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth. @@ -33682,7 +33655,7 @@ And since to look at things in bloom Fifty springs are little room, About the woodlands I will go To see the cherry hung with snow. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % Now that day wearies me, My yearning desire @@ -34172,7 +34145,7 @@ And now the fancy passes by, And nothing will remain, And miles around they'll say that I Am quite myself again. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % Oh, wow! Look at the moon! % @@ -34394,7 +34367,7 @@ Once he had one leg in the White House and the nation trembled under his roars. Now he is a tinpot pope in the Coca-Cola belt and a brother to the forlorn pastors who belabor halfwits in galvanized iron tabernacles behind the railroad yards." - -- H.L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, + -- H. L. Mencken, writing of William Jennings Bryan, counsel for the supporters of Tennessee's anti-evolution law at the Scopes "Monkey Trial" in 1925. % @@ -34434,7 +34407,7 @@ possible for each to see each other whole against the sky. -- Rainer Rilke % Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's hard to get it back in. - -- H.R. Haldeman + -- H. R. Haldeman % Once there was a little nerd who loved to read your mail, And then yank back the i-access times to get hackers off his tail, @@ -34524,7 +34497,7 @@ One could not be a successful scientist without realizing that, in contrast to the popular conception supported by newspapers and mothers of scientists, a goodly number of scientists are not only narrow-minded and dull, but also just stupid. - -- J.D. Watson, "The Double Helix" + -- J. D. Watson, "The Double Helix" % One day an elderly Jewish Pole, living in Warsaw, finds an old lamp in his attic. He starts to polish it and (poof!) a genie appears in a cloud of @@ -34639,7 +34612,7 @@ head. Her bloodshot eyes fell upon her husband, who says, "And all these years you've been thinkin' I've been enjoying meself." % One expresses well the love he does not feel. - -- J.A. Karr + -- J. A. Karr % One family builds a wall, two families enjoy it. % @@ -34692,7 +34665,7 @@ ANOTHER WORLD all THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES. One man tells a falsehood, a hundred repeat it as true. % One man's constant is another man's variable. - -- A.J. Perlis + -- A. J. Perlis % One man's folly is another man's wife. -- Helen Rowland @@ -34869,7 +34842,7 @@ get the bugs out of is fresh paint. One thing they don't tell you about doing experimental physics is that sometimes you must work under adverse conditions... like a state of sheer terror. - -- W.K. Hartmann + -- W. K. Hartmann % One thought driven home is better than three left on base. % @@ -35205,9 +35178,10 @@ design is that now a system failure can usually be considered to be the result of two program errors: the first, in the program that started the problem; the second, in the recovery routine that could not protect the system. - -- A.L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual Storage - Operating Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 Concepts and - Philosophies," IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4. + -- A. L. Scherr, "Functional Structure of IBM Virtual + Storage Operating Systems, Part II: OS/VS-2 + Concepts and Philosophies," + IBM Systems Journal, Vol. 12, No. 4. % Overconfidence breeds error when we take for granted that the game will continue on its normal course; when we fail to provide for an unusually @@ -35316,7 +35290,7 @@ Now ... just try to find out where! % Paranoids are people, too; they have their own problems. It's easy to criticize, but if everybody hated you, you'd be paranoid too. - -- D.J. Hicks + -- D. J. Hicks % Pardon me while I laugh. % @@ -35586,7 +35560,7 @@ People respond to people who respond. % People say I live in my own little fantasy world... well, at least they *know* me there! - -- D.L. Roth + -- D. L. Roth % People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out on the pleasure. @@ -35661,7 +35635,7 @@ People's Action Rules: (5) Some people who shouldn't, but try, will then blame others. % Per buck you get more computing action with the small computer. - -- R.W. Hamming + -- R. W. Hamming % Pereant, inquit, qui ante nos nostra dixerunt. [Confound those who have said our remarks before us.] @@ -35812,7 +35786,7 @@ phosflink: Photographing a volcano is just about the most miserable thing you can do. -- Robert B. Goodman - [Who has clearly never tried to use a PDP-10. Ed.] + [Who has clearly never tried to use a PDP-10. Ed.] % Physically there is nothing to distinguish human society from the farm-yard except that children are more troublesome and costly than @@ -35852,7 +35826,7 @@ Not one damn thing do we solve. Pie are not square. Pie are round. Cornbread are square. % Piece of cake! - -- G.S. Koblas + -- G. S. Koblas % pig, n: An animal (Porcus omnivorous) closely allied to the human race by @@ -36036,7 +36010,7 @@ solution set. Plots are like girdles. Hidden, they hold your interest; revealed, they're of no interest except to fetishists. Like girdles, they attempt to contain an uncontainable experience. - -- R.S. Knapp + -- R. S. Knapp % PLUG IT IN!!! % @@ -36052,7 +36026,7 @@ Poland has gun control. % Political history is far too criminal a subject to be a fit thing to teach children. - -- W.H. Auden + -- W. H. Auden % Political speeches are like steer horns. A point here, a point there, and a lot of bull inbetween. @@ -36237,7 +36211,7 @@ PPRB -- Pillage, plunder, rape and burn. % Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. - -- J.P. McEvoy + -- J. P. McEvoy % Practical politics consists in ignoring facts. -- Henry Adams @@ -36279,7 +36253,7 @@ Prejudice: -- Ambrose Bierce % Premature optimization is the root of all evil. - -- D.E. Knuth + -- D. E. Knuth % Preserve the old, but know the new. % @@ -36320,7 +36294,7 @@ And he did -- nine soliloquies later. Princeton's taste is sweet like a strawberry tart. Harvard's is a subtle taste, like whiskey, coffee, or tobacco. It may even be a bad habit, for all I know. - -- Prof. J.H. Finley '25 + -- Prof. J. H. Finley '25 % Priority: A statement of the importance of a user or a program. Often @@ -36333,7 +36307,7 @@ Prisons are built with stones of Law, brothels with bricks of Religion. % Prizes are for children. -- Charles Ives, - upon being given, but refusing, the Pulitzer prize + upon being given, but refusing, the Pulitzer prize % Pro is to con as progress is to Congress. % @@ -36374,7 +36348,7 @@ Programmers do it bit by bit. % Programmers used to batch environments may find it hard to live without giant listings; we would find it hard to use them. - -- D.M. Ritchie + -- Dennis M. Ritchie % Programming Department: Mistakes made while you wait. @@ -36390,7 +36364,7 @@ PROGRESS: % Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % Progress means replacing a theory that is wrong with one more subtly wrong. @@ -36463,7 +36437,7 @@ a therapy. Psychiatry is the care of the id by the odd. Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you. - -- C.G. Jung + -- Carl G. Jung % psychologist, n: Someone who watches everyone else when an attractive woman walks @@ -36514,7 +36488,7 @@ PURITAN: someone, somewhere, is having fun. % Puritanism -- the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. - -- H.L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques" + -- H. L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques" % PURPITATION: To take something off the grocery shelf, decide you @@ -37824,7 +37798,7 @@ Reality is nothing but a collective hunch. % Reality must take precedence over public relations, for Mother Nature cannot be fooled. - -- R.P. Feynman + -- R. P. Feynman % Really?? What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!! % @@ -37842,7 +37816,7 @@ Recent investments will yield a slight profit. % Recent research has tended to show that the Abominable No-Man is being replaced by the Prohibitive Procrastinator. - -- C.N. Parkinson + -- C. N. Parkinson % Recently deceased blues guitarist Stevie Ray Vaughan "comes to" after his death. He sees Jimi Hendrix sitting next to him, tuning his guitar. @@ -38651,7 +38625,7 @@ Hard luck has of hope bereft you, Health is failing, wish you'd die-- Why, you've still the sunshine left you And the big blue sky. - -- R.W. Service + -- R. W. Service % Say it with flowers, Or say it with mink, @@ -38766,7 +38740,7 @@ The summer dream beneath the tamarind tree? Scientists still know less about what attracts men than they do about what attracts mosquitoes. -- Dr. Joyce Brothers, - "What Every Woman Should Know About Men" + "What Every Woman Should Know About Men" % Scientists were preparing an experiment to ask the ultimate question. They had worked for months gathering one each of every computer that @@ -39082,7 +39056,7 @@ unimportant. -- Henry Miller % Sex is the mathematics urge sublimated. - -- M.C. Reed + -- M. C. Reed % Sex: the thing that takes up the least amount of time and causes the most amount of trouble. @@ -39106,7 +39080,7 @@ Shah, shah! Ayatulla you so! % Shall we make a new rule of life from tonight: always to try to be a little kinder than is necessary? - -- J.M. Barrie + -- J. M. Barrie % Shame is an improper emotion invented by pietists to oppress the human race. @@ -39579,7 +39553,7 @@ Theirs is a strength supreme... theirs is the strength -- to restore. So far as we are human, what we do must be either evil or good: so far as we do evil or good, we are human: and it is better, in a paradoxical way, to do evil than to do nothing: at least we exist. - -- T.S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire + -- T. S. Eliot, essay on Baudelaire % So from the depths of its enchantment, Terra was able to calculate a course of action. Here at last was an opportunity to consort with Dirbanu on a @@ -39801,7 +39775,7 @@ Solipsists of the World... you are already united. % Solutions are obvious if one only has the optical power to observe them over the horizon. - -- K.A. Arsdall + -- K. A. Arsdall % Some books are to be tasted, others to be swallowed, and some few to be chewed and digested. @@ -39938,7 +39912,7 @@ Some people pray for more than they are willing to work for. % Some people say a front-engine car handles best. Some people say a rear-engine car handles best. I say a rented car handles best. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Some peoples mouths work faster than their brains. They say things they haven't even thought of yet. @@ -40064,7 +40038,7 @@ Something's rotten in the state of Denmark. % Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder... and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn. - -- N.V. Plyter + -- N. V. Plyter % Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar. -- Sigmund Freud @@ -40538,7 +40512,7 @@ and have a nice day. Stuckness shouldn't be avoided. It's the psychic predecessor of all real understanding. An egoless acceptance of stuckness is a key to an understanding of all Quality, in mechanical work as in other endeavors. - -- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" + -- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" % Stult's Report: Our problems are mostly behind us. @@ -40577,7 +40551,7 @@ Success is in the minds of Fools. % Success is relative: It is what we can make of the mess we have made of things. - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Family Reunion" % Success is something I will dress for when I get there, and not until. % @@ -40661,7 +40635,7 @@ Support the Girl Scouts! % Support the right of unborn males to bear arms! -- A public service announcement from Phyllis Schlafly, - the Catholic Church, and the National Rifle Association + the Catholic Church, and the National Rifle Association % Support your local church or synagogue. Worship at Bank of America. @@ -40713,7 +40687,7 @@ Sushido, n: The way of the tuna. % Suspicion always haunts the guilty mind. - -- Wm. Shakespeare + -- William Shakespeare % Swap read error. You lose your mind. % @@ -40837,7 +40811,7 @@ Systems programmer: are to receive from your boss. % Systems programmers are the high priests of a low cult. - -- R.S. Barton + -- R. S. Barton % T: One big monster, he called TROLL. He don't rock, and he don't roll; @@ -40946,7 +40920,7 @@ All together now... % Tart words make no friends; a spoonful of honey will catch more flies than a gallon of vinegar. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20) You are practical and persistent. You have a dogged determination @@ -41142,7 +41116,7 @@ Pretty friendship 'tis to rhyme Your friends to death before their time. Moping, melancholy mad: Come, pipe a tune to dance to, lad. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % Term, holidays, term, holidays, till we leave school, and then work, work, work till we die. @@ -41154,18 +41128,19 @@ the argument unsupported by scripture but on the other hand were unwilling to risk offending God's grandmother. -- Len Cool, "American Pie" % -Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a pagan, -and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until about -his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is ascribed the -sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe because it is absurd). -This does not altogether accord with historical fact, for he merely said: - "And the Son of God died, which is immediately credible because it - is absurd. And buried he rose again, which is certain because it - is impossible." -Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, he saw through the poverty of -philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and contemptuously rejected it. - -- C.G. Jung, "Psychological Types" - [Tertullian was one of the founders of the Catholic Church. Ed.] +Tertullian was born in Carthage somewhere about 160 A.D. He was a +pagan, and he abandoned himself to the lascivious life of his city until +about his 35th year, when he became a Christian. [...] To him is +ascribed the sublime confession: Credo quia absurdum est (I believe +because it is absurd). This does not altogether accord with historical +fact, for he merely said: "And the Son of God died, which is immediately +credible because it is absurd. And buried he rose again, which is +certain because it is impossible." Thanks to the acuteness of his mind, +he saw through the poverty of philosophical and Gnostic knowledge, and +contemptuously rejected it. + -- Carl G. Jung, "Psychological Types" + [Tertullian was one of the founders of the Catholic + Church. Ed.] % Test for paraquat: Take amount of grass used in one joint, and wash in 5 cc's @@ -41316,7 +41291,7 @@ The White Rabbit put on his spectacles. -- Lewis Carroll % The 11 is for people with the pride of a 10 and the pocketbook of an 8. - -- R.B. Greenberg + -- R. B. Greenberg % The 357.73 Theory -- Auditors always reject expense accounts @@ -41486,10 +41461,10 @@ and color, but also on ability. The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe. -- Bill Murray % -The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use in -effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the +The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use +in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the Declaration not for that, but for future use. - -- Abraham Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % The astronomer Francesco Sizi, a contemporary of Galileo, argues that Jupiter can have no satellites: @@ -41569,7 +41544,7 @@ And meteors fright the fixed stars of heaven; The pale-faced moon looks bloody on the earth And lean-look'd prophets whisper fearful change. These signs forerun the death or fall of kings. - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Richard II" + -- William Shakespeare, "Richard II" % THE BEATLES: Paul McCartney's old back-up band. @@ -41883,7 +41858,7 @@ is when he fills out a job application form. -- Stanley J. Randall % The clothes have no emperor. - -- C.A.R. Hoare, commenting on ADA. + -- C. A. R. Hoare, commenting on ADA. % The coast was clear. -- Lope de Vega @@ -42053,7 +42028,7 @@ years arguing the Monty Hall and the three doors problem. % The day advanced as if to light some work of mine; it was morning, and lo! now it is evening, and nothing memorable is accomplished. - -- H.D. Thoreau + -- Henry David Thoreau % The day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the Supreme Being as his Father, in the womb of a virgin will be classified with the fable of @@ -42192,7 +42167,7 @@ The difference between us is not very far, cruising for burgers in daddy's new car. % The difference between waltzes and disco is mostly one of volume. - -- T.K. + -- T. K. % The difficult we do today; the impossible takes a little longer. % @@ -42299,7 +42274,7 @@ The energy produced by the breaking down of the atom is a very poor kind of thing. Anyone who expects a source of power from the transformation of these atoms is talking moonshine. -- Ernest Rutherford, after he had split the atom for - the first time + the first time % The English country gentleman galloping after a fox -- the unspeakable in full pursuit of the uneatable. @@ -42556,7 +42531,7 @@ I knit my brow and thought and thought, and in final perplexity gave up. -- Leo Rosten % The first Rotarian was the first man to call John the Baptist "Jack." - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts. -- Ehrlich @@ -42576,7 +42551,7 @@ is brush my teeth and sharpen my tongue. -- Dorothy Parker % The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers. - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV + -- William Shakespeare, "Henry VI", Part IV % The first version always gets thrown away. % @@ -42645,7 +42620,7 @@ number of your kids by thirty-two teeth. % The full potentialities of human fury cannot be reached until a friend of both parties tactfully interferes. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % The function of the expert is not to be more right than other people, but to be wrong for more sophisticated reasons. @@ -42655,7 +42630,7 @@ The future is a myth created by insurance salesmen and high school counselors. % The future is a race between education and catastrophe. - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % The future isn't what it used to be. (It never was.) % @@ -42769,7 +42744,7 @@ for the Duke of Wellington, and asked his advice. He instantly replied, "But we have always understood that your Grace thought Lord Combermere a fool." "So he is a fool, and a damned fool; but he can take Rangoon." - -- G.W.E. Russell + -- G. W. E. Russell % The goys have proven the following theorem... -- Physicist John von Neumann, at the start of a classroom @@ -43116,7 +43091,7 @@ The happiest time in any man's life is just after the first divorce. -- Galbraith % The happiest time of a person's life is after his first divorce. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % The hardest part of climbing the ladder of success is getting through the crowd at the bottom. @@ -43335,7 +43310,7 @@ Yet does he wonder, do you suppose, If, even in gods divine, The best and wisest may not be those Who have wallowed awhile with the swine? - -- R.W. Service + -- R. W. Service % The justifications for drug testing are part of the presently fashionable debate concerning restoring America's "competitiveness." Drugs, it has been @@ -43454,7 +43429,7 @@ The lawgiver, of all beings, most owes the law allegiance. He of all men should behave as though the law compelled him. But it is the universal weakness of mankind that what we are given to administer we presently imagine we own. - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % The Least Perceptive Literary Critic The most important critic in our field of study is Lord Halifax. A @@ -43734,7 +43709,7 @@ The luck that is ordained for you will be coveted by others. % The lunatic, the lover, and the poet, Are of imagination all compact... - -- Wm. Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream" + -- William Shakespeare, "A Midsummer Night's Dream" % The Macintosh is Xerox technology at its best. % @@ -43746,7 +43721,7 @@ The main problem I have with cats is, they're not dogs. % The major advances in civilization are processes that all but wreck the societies in which they occur. - -- A.N. Whitehead + -- A. N. Whitehead % The major difference between bonds and bond traders is that the bonds will eventually mature. @@ -43803,7 +43778,7 @@ The man who laughs has not yet been told the terrible news. -- Bertolt Brecht % The man who raises a fist has run out of ideas. - -- H.G. Wells, "Time After Time" + -- H. G. Wells, "Time After Time" % The man who runs may fight again. -- Menander @@ -43850,7 +43825,7 @@ The marriage of Marxism and feminism has been like the marriage of husband and wife depicted in English common law: Marxism and feminism are one, and that one is marxism. -- Heidi Hartmann, - "The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism" + "The Unhappy Marriage of Marxism and Feminism" % The Martian Canals were clearly the Martian's last ditch effort! % @@ -43880,7 +43855,7 @@ The meek shall inherit the earth; but by that time there won't be anything left worth inheriting. % The meek shall inherit the earth, but *not* its mineral rights. - -- J.P. Getty + -- J. P. Getty % The meek shall inherit the earth; the rest of us, the Universe. % @@ -43898,7 +43873,7 @@ chemical substances: if there is any reaction, both are transformed. [The members of the Chamberlain government] are decided only to be undecided, resolved to be irresolute, adamant for drift, all-powerful for impotency. - -- W. Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % The men sat sipping their tea in silence. After a while the klutz said, "Life is like a bowl of sour cream." @@ -43910,7 +43885,7 @@ The minute a man is convinced that he is interesting, he isn't. The mirror sees the man as beautiful, the mirror loves the man; another mirror sees the man as frightful and hates him; and it is always the same being who produces the impressions. - -- Marquis D.A.F. de Sade + -- Marquis D. A. F. de Sade % The misnaming of fields of study is so common as to lead to what might be general systems laws. For example, Frank Harary once suggested the law that @@ -44025,7 +44000,7 @@ of people in the world named Mohammad Chang? % The most costly of all follies is to believe passionately in the palpably not true. It is the chief occupation of mankind. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The most dangerous food is wedding cake. -- American proverb @@ -44045,7 +44020,7 @@ is trying to convince your parents that you're Haitian. % The most difficult thing in the world is to know how to do a thing and to watch someone else doing it wrong, without commenting. - -- T.H. White + -- T. H. White % The most difficult years of marriage are those following the wedding. % @@ -44232,7 +44207,7 @@ bicycles in their search for sustenance, driven by cruel Nature's maxim, % The notion of a "record" is an obsolete remnant of the days of the 80-column card. - -- D.M. Ritchie + -- Dennis M. Ritchie % The number of computer scientists in a room is inversely proportional to the number of bugs in their code. @@ -44311,7 +44286,7 @@ Let the reader catch his own breath. % The older I grow, the more I distrust the familiar doctrine that age brings wisdom. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % The one charm of marriage is that it makes a life of deception a neccessity. -- Oscar Wilde @@ -44382,7 +44357,7 @@ The only "ism" Hollywood believes in is plagiarism. The only justification for our concepts and systems of concepts is that they serve to represent the complex of our experiences; beyond this they have not legitimacy. - -- Einstein. + -- Einstein % The only one of your children who does not grow up and move away is your husband. @@ -44800,7 +44775,7 @@ horse. % The propriety of some persons seems to consist in having improper thoughts about their neighbours. - -- F.H. Bradley + -- F. H. Bradley % The Psblurtex is an 18-inch long anaconda that hides in the gentlemen's outfitting departments of Amazonian stores and is often bought by mistake @@ -44812,7 +44787,7 @@ running off to Germany where it lives in hiding. The public demands certainties; it must be told definitely and a bit raucously that this is true and that is false. But there are no certainties. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Prejudice" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Prejudice" % The Public is merely a multiplied "me." -- Mark Twain @@ -44912,7 +44887,7 @@ nobody in the government there has a clue as to how to run a country. % The relative importance of files depends on their cost in terms of the human effort needed to regenerate them. - -- T.A. Dolotta + -- T. A. Dolotta % The requirements of romantic love are difficult to satisfy in the trunk of a Dodge Dart. @@ -45049,7 +45024,7 @@ showed that all had these things in common: The search for the perfect martini is a fraud. The perfect martini is a belt of gin from the bottle; anything else is the decadent trappings of civilization. - -- T.K. + -- T. K. % The second best policy is dishonesty. % @@ -45223,7 +45198,7 @@ The spirit of Plato dies hard. We have been unable to escape the philosophical tradition that what we can see and measure in the world is merely the superficial and imperfect representation of an underlying reality. - -- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" + -- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" % The star of riches is shining upon you. % @@ -45510,7 +45485,7 @@ The time is right to make new friends. % The time spent on any item of the agenda [of a finance committee] will be in inverse proportion to the sum involved. - -- C.N. Parkinson + -- C. N. Parkinson % The time was the 19th of May, 1780. The place was Hartford, Connecticut. The day has gone down in New England history as a terrible foretaste of @@ -45634,12 +45609,12 @@ The two most common things in the Universe are hydrogen and stupidity. -- Harlan Ellison % The two oldest professions in the world have been ruined by amateurs. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % The two party system ... is a triumph of the dialectic. It showed that two could be one and one could be two and had probably been fabricated by Hegel for the American market on a subcontract from General Dynamics. - -- I.F. Stone + -- I. F. Stone % The two things that can get you into trouble quicker than anything else are fast women and slow horses. @@ -45717,7 +45692,7 @@ regarded as a criminal offence. -- Edsger W. Dijkstra, SIGPLAN Notices, Volume 17, Number 5 % The use of money is all the advantage there is to having money. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % The value of a program is proportional to the weight of its output. % @@ -45771,7 +45746,7 @@ calculated ambiguity that would be clearly understood. The water was not fit to drink. To make it palatable, we had to add whiskey. By diligent effort, I learned to like it. - -- W. Churchill + -- Winston Churchill % The way I understand it, the Russians are sort of a combination of evil and incompetence... sort of like the Post Office with tanks. @@ -45878,7 +45853,7 @@ Repent and return those library books! % The world is full of people who have never, since childhood, met an open doorway with an open mind. - -- E.B. White + -- E. B. White % The world is moving so fast these days that the man who says it can't be done is generally interrupted by someone doing it. @@ -45977,7 +45952,7 @@ ash tray." -- Stephen Pile, "The Book of Heroic Failures" % The worst cliques are those which consist of one man. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % THE WORST HOMING PIGEON @@ -46094,7 +46069,7 @@ Santos Pais, claimed that the escape was "normal" and part of the % The worst sin towards our fellow creatures is not to hate them, but to be indifferent to them; that's the essence of inhumanity. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % The worst thing about some men is that when they are not drunk they are sober. @@ -46150,7 +46125,7 @@ acceptance, and peace. "'Bye for now," she said warmly. Then there was LSD, which was supposed to make you think you could fly. I remember it made you think you couldn't stand up, and mostly it was right. - -- P.J. O'Rourke + -- P. J. O'Rourke % Then there was the Formosan bartender named Taiwan-On. % @@ -46245,7 +46220,7 @@ than those who cannot endure to be thought so. % There are few virtues that the Poles do not possess -- and there are few mistakes they have ever avoided. - -- W. Churchill, Parliament, August, 1945 + -- Winston Churchill, Parliament, August, 1945 % There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy... @@ -46391,7 +46366,7 @@ fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here and there, almost disappearing from other spots, leaving them parched for wonder. There are also those who believe that if you stick your fingers up your nose and blow, it will increase your intelligence. - -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII + -- The Teachings of Ebenezum, Volume VII % "There are those who claim that magic is like the tide; that it swells and fades over the surface of the earth, collecting in concentrated pools here @@ -46503,7 +46478,7 @@ marriage and after marriage. There are two ways of constructing a software design. One way is to make it so simple that there are obviously no deficiencies and the other is to make it so complicated that there are no obvious deficiencies. - -- C.A.R. Hoare + -- C. A. R. Hoare % There are two ways of disliking art. One is to dislike it. @@ -46633,7 +46608,7 @@ is another theory which states that this has already happened. There is a time in the tides of men, Which, taken at its flood, leads on to success. On the other hand, don't count on it. - -- T.K. Lawson + -- T. K. Lawson % There is a vast difference between the savage and civilized man, but it is never apparent to their wives until after breakfast. @@ -46689,7 +46664,7 @@ Soon or late the laws governing the production of life itself will be discovered in the laboratory, and man may set up business as a creator on his own account. The thing, indeed, is not only conceivable; it is even highly probable. - -- H.L. Mencken, 1930 + -- H. L. Mencken, 1930 % There is no reason for any individual to have a computer in their home. -- Ken Olsen (President of Digital Equipment Corporation), @@ -46701,11 +46676,11 @@ and we will conquer. Follow me. % There is more simplicity in a man who eats caviar on impulse than in a man who eats Grapenuts on principle. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % There is more simplicity in the man who eats caviar on impulse than in the man who eats Grap-Nuts on principle. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % There is more to life than increasing its speed. -- Mahatma Gandhi @@ -46949,7 +46924,7 @@ There must be more to life than having everything. -- Maurice Sendak % There never was a good war or a bad peace. - -- B. Franklin + -- Ben Franklin % There once was a king who ruled his country long, wisely, and well. The king had a son whom he hoped would someday rule the land. He also wished @@ -47204,10 +47179,11 @@ There's no future in time travel. There's no heavier burden than a great potential. % There's no justice in this world. - -- Frank Costello, on the prosecution of "Lucky" Luciano by - New York district attorney Thomas Dewey after Luciano had - saved Dewey from assassination by Dutch Schultz (by ordering - the assassination of Schultz instead) + -- Frank Costello, on the prosecution of "Lucky" Luciano + by New York district attorney Thomas Dewey after + Luciano had saved Dewey from assassination by Dutch + Schultz (by ordering the assassination of Schultz + instead) % There's no point in being grown up if you can't be childish sometimes. -- Dr. Who @@ -47258,7 +47234,7 @@ There's nothing like the face of a kid eating a Hershey bar. % There's nothing remarkable about it. All one has to do is hit the right keys at the right time and the instrument plays itself. - -- J.S. Bach + -- J. S. Bach % There's nothing to writing. All you do is sit at a typewriter and open a vein. @@ -47343,8 +47319,8 @@ They can't stop us... we're on a mission from God! -- The Blues Brothers % They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist... - -- Civil War General John Sedgwick, his last - words, Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, 1864 + -- Civil War General John Sedgwick, his last words, + Battle of Spotsylvania Court House, 1864 % They [District Attorneys] learn in District Attorney School that there are two sure-fire ways to get a lot of favorable publicity: @@ -47374,7 +47350,7 @@ only want to count to two. % They don't suffer. They can't even speak English. -- George F. Baer, answering a reporter's - question about the suffering of starving miners. + question about the suffering of starving miners. % They finally got King Midas, I hear. Gild by association. % @@ -47481,13 +47457,13 @@ They're giving bank robbing a bad name. They're just jealous because they don't have three wise men and a virgin in the whole organization. -- Mayor Vincent J. `Buddy' Cianci, on the - ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed. + ACLU's suit to have a city nativity scene removed. % They're only trying to make me LOOK paranoid! % Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it. - -- G.K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday" + -- G. K. Chesterton, "The Man Who Was Thursday" % Things are more like they are today than they ever were before. -- Dwight Eisenhower @@ -47631,7 +47607,7 @@ This is for all ill-treated fellows Unborn and unbegot, For them to read when they're in trouble And I am not. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % This is Jim Rockford. At the tone leave your name and message; I'll get back to you. @@ -47691,7 +47667,7 @@ This is the way the world ends, This is the way the world ends, This is the way the world ends, Not with a bang but with a whimper. - -- T.S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" + -- T. S. Eliot, "The Hollow Men" % This isn't right. This isn't even wrong. -- Wolfgang Pauli, on a colleague's paper @@ -47854,7 +47830,7 @@ at are called software. % Those who are mentally and emotionally healthy are those who have learned when to say yes, when to say no and when to say whoopee. - -- W.S. Krabill + -- W. S. Krabill % Those who believe in astrology are living in houses with foundations of Silly Putty. @@ -47982,7 +47958,7 @@ all appearing on a quiz program, were asked to complete this sentence: % Three minutes' thought would suffice to find this out; but thought is irksome and three minutes is a long time. - -- A.E. Houseman + -- A. E. Houseman % Three o'clock in the afternoon is always just a little too late or a little too early for anything you want to do. @@ -47996,7 +47972,7 @@ In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. One Ring to rule them all, One Ring to find them, One Ring to bring them all and in the darkness bind them In the Land of Mordor where the Shadows lie. - -- J.R.R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings" + -- J. R. R. Tolkien, "The Lord of the Rings" % Three rules for sounding like an expert: 1. Oversimplify your explanations to the point of uselessness. @@ -48159,7 +48135,7 @@ Time will end all my troubles, but I don't always approve of Time's methods. % Time-sharing is the junk-mail part of the computer business. - -- H.R.J. Grosch (attributed) + -- H. R. J. Grosch (attributed) % timesharing, n: An access method whereby one computer abuses many people. @@ -48210,7 +48186,7 @@ available through stores and is void where prohibited by law. Tis man's perdition to be safe, when for the truth he ought to die. % 'Tis more blessed to give than receive; for example, wedding presents. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % To a Californian, a person must prove himself criminally insane before he is allowed to drive a taxi in New York. For New York cabbies, honesty and @@ -48277,10 +48253,10 @@ weaknesses, vanities, appetites, and aversions -- can be so happy as he can be in the United States. Going further, I lay down the doctrine that it is a sheer physical impossibility for such a man to live in the United States and not be happy. - -- H.L. Mencken, "On Being An American" + -- H. L. Mencken, "On Being An American" % To be is to be related. - -- C.J. Keyser. + -- C. J. Keyser. % To be is to do. -- I. Kant @@ -48479,7 +48455,7 @@ To iterate is human, to recurse, divine. -- Robert Heller % To jaw-jaw is better than to war-war. - -- W. Churchill, on Korean War negotiations + -- Winston Churchill, on Korean War negotiations % To keep your friends treat them kindly; to kill them, treat them often. @@ -48752,7 +48728,7 @@ Too often people have come to me and said, "If I had just one wish for anything in all the world, I would wish for more user-defined equations in the HP-51820A Waveform Generator Software." -- Instrument News - [Once is too often. Ed.] + [Once is too often. Ed.] % Too ripped. Gotta go. % @@ -48986,7 +48962,7 @@ TV is chewing gum for the eyes. % 'Twas a woman who drove me to drink, and I never even had the decency to thank her. - -- R.B. Gossling + -- R. B. Gossling % "Twas bergen and the eirie road Did mahwah into patterson: "Beware the Hopatcong, my son! @@ -49320,7 +49296,7 @@ ordinance under which you can be booked. % Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it's just the opposite. - -- J.K. Galbraith + -- J. K. Galbraith % Under deadline pressure for the next week. If you want something, it can wait. @@ -49358,7 +49334,7 @@ understand, v: % Understanding is always the understanding of a smaller problem in relation to a bigger problem. - -- P.D. Ouspensky + -- P. D. Ouspensky % Unfair animal names: @@ -49424,7 +49400,7 @@ but when it gets right down to it, Unix is a glorified video game. People don't do serious work on Unix systems; they send jokes around the world on USENET or write adventure games and research papers. -- E. Post - "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal", Datamation, 7/83 + "Real Programmers Don't Use Pascal", Datamation, 7/83 % Unix is a Registered Bell of AT&T Trademark Laboratories. -- Donn Seeley @@ -49476,7 +49452,7 @@ unskilled in the arts of composition, I resolved to write a book. % Unquestionably, there is progress. The average American now pays out twice as much in taxes as he formerly got in wages. - -- H.L. Mencken + -- H. L. Mencken % Until Eve arrived, this was a man's world. -- Richard Amour @@ -49522,7 +49498,7 @@ user, n: when they meant "idiot." Ed.] % Using TSO is like kicking a dead whale down the beach. - -- S.C. Johnson + -- S. C. Johnson % Using [Windows] for any sort of serious work is like playing an old text-based adventure game. You're five feet from making it to your @@ -49576,7 +49552,7 @@ Veni, Vidi, VISA: Verba volant, scripta manent! % Vermouth always makes me brilliant unless it makes me idiotic. - -- E.F. Benson + -- E. F. Benson % Very few people do anything creative after the age of thirty-five. The reason is that very few people do anything creative before the age of @@ -49716,7 +49692,7 @@ And earthquakes only terrify the dolts, And to him who's scientific There is nothing that's terrific In the pattern of a flight of thunderbolts! - -- W.S. Gilbert, "The Mikado" + -- W. S. Gilbert, "The Mikado" % Volley Theory: It is better to have lobbed and lost @@ -49733,7 +49709,7 @@ Vote anarchist. % Vote early and vote often. -- Al Capone's slogan for Big Bill Thompson's anti-reform - campaign for Mayor of Chicago, 1926. Big Bill won. + campaign for Mayor of Chicago, 1926. Big Bill won. % VUJA DE: The feeling that you've *never*, *ever* been in this situation before. @@ -49917,7 +49893,7 @@ when it's necessary to compromise. % We all declare for liberty, but in using the same word we do not all mean the same thing. - -- A. Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % We all dream of being the darling of everybody's darling. % @@ -49939,7 +49915,7 @@ is that it is not crazy enough. We are all born charming, fresh and spontaneous and must be civilized before we are fit to participate in society. -- Judith Martin, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly - Correct Behaviour" + Correct Behaviour" % We are all born equal... just some of us are more equal than others. % @@ -49980,7 +49956,7 @@ We are experiencing system trouble -- do not adjust your terminal. % We are giving instruction to FBI agents in the various Chinese dialects ... to handle present and likely future contingencies. - -- J.Hoover + -- J. Hoover % We are going to give a little something, a few little years more, to socialism, because socialism is defunct. It dies all by itself. The bad @@ -50303,7 +50279,7 @@ an adaptation for definite roles (probably a complex set of interacting functions). But these assumptions do not lead to the notion, often uncritically embraced by strict Darwinians, that all major capacities of the brain must arise as direct products of natural selection. - -- S.J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" + -- S. J. Gould, "The Mismeasure of Man" % We must believe that it is the darkest before the dawn of a beautiful new world. We will see it when we believe it. @@ -50335,12 +50311,12 @@ is truth and righteousness, the cause of humanity and a crusade for peace. % We must remember the First Amendment which protects any shrill jackass no matter how self-seeking. - -- F.G. Withington + -- F. G. Withington % We must respect the other fellow's religion, but only in the sense and to the extent that we respect his theory that his wife is beautiful and his children smart. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Minority Report" % We only acknowledge small faults in order to make it appear that we are free from great ones. @@ -50396,7 +50372,7 @@ Each one serves until they screw up, at which point they rotate. -- Dennis Miller % We should keep the Panama Canal. After all, we stole it fair and square. - -- S.I. Hayakawa + -- S. I. Hayakawa % We should realize that a city is better off with bad laws, so long as they remain fixed, then with good laws that are constantly being altered, that @@ -50475,7 +50451,7 @@ borders to interstate commerce, and garbage is a form of interstate commerce. -- Ohio Lt. Governor Paul Leonard % [We] use bad software and bad machines for the wrong things. - -- R.W. Hamming + -- R. W. Hamming % We warn the reader in advance that the proof presented here depends on a clever but highly unmotivated trick. @@ -50525,7 +50501,7 @@ onto my granola and faced a new day. We who revel in nature's diversity and feel instructed by every animal tend to brand Homo sapiens as the greatest catastrophe since the Cretaceous extinction. - -- S.J. Gould + -- S. J. Gould % We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem -- how to run a sunbeam through a meter. @@ -50680,7 +50656,7 @@ Well, they've no idea what money's for -- Ten to one they'll start another war. I've heard a lot of silly things, but, Lor'! Fancy giving money to the Government! - -- A.P. Herbert + -- A. P. Herbert % We'll have solar energy when the power companies develop a sunbeam meter. % @@ -50839,7 +50815,7 @@ So we never have to be alone. And we keep gettin' richer, but we can't get our picture, On the cover of the Rolling Stone. -- Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show - [As a note, they eventually DID make the cover of RS. Ed.] + [They eventually DID make the cover of RS. Ed.] % "Well, we've come full circle, Lord; I'd like to think there's some higher meaning to all this. It would certainly reflect well on you." @@ -50883,7 +50859,7 @@ it's not going to do anything for you. We're fantastically incredibly sorry for all these extremely unreasonable things we did. I can only plead that my simple, barely-sentient friend and myself are underprivileged, deprived and also college students. - -- Waldo D.R. Dobbs + -- Waldo D. R. Dobbs % We're happy little Vegemites, As bright as bright can be. @@ -50894,7 +50870,7 @@ Were it not for the presence of the unwashed and the half-educated, the formless, queer and incomplete, the unreasonable and absurd, the infinite shapes of the delightful human tadpole, the horizon would not wear so wide a grin. - -- F.M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations" + -- F. M. Colby, "Imaginary Obligations" % We're Knights of the Round Table We dance whene'er we're able @@ -50913,7 +50889,7 @@ I have to push the pram a lot. -- Monty Python % We're living in a golden age. All you need is gold. - -- D.W. Robertson. + -- D. W. Robertson. % We're mortal -- which is to say, we're ignorant, stupid, and sinful -- but those are only handicaps. Our pride is that nevertheless, now and @@ -50968,7 +50944,7 @@ And the cool, green hills of Earth. Wharbat darbid yarbou sarbay? % What!? Me worry? - -- A.E. Neuman + -- A. E. Neuman % What a bonanza! An unknown beginner to be directed by Lubitsch, in a script by Wilder and Brackett, and to play with Paramount's two superstars, Gary @@ -51114,7 +51090,7 @@ And yet never grows? What I mean (and everybody else means) by the word QUALITY cannot be broken down into subjects and predicates. This is not because Quality is so mysterious but because Quality is so simple, immediate, and direct. - -- R. Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" + -- Robert Pirsig, "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" % What I tell you three times is true. -- Lewis Carroll @@ -51136,7 +51112,7 @@ What is a magician but a practising theorist? -- Obi-Wan Kenobi % What is algebra, exactly? Is it one of those three-cornered things? - -- J.M. Barrie + -- J. M. Barrie % What is comedy? Comedy is the art of making people laugh without making them puke. @@ -51216,7 +51192,7 @@ may, therefore, be justified. The difficulty is to keep up lying... it is simpler to tell the truth and if a sufficient emergency arises, to tell one, big thumping lie that will then be believed. -- Ministry of Information, memo on the maintenance of - British civilian morale, 1939 + British civilian morale, 1939 % What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it. % @@ -51248,7 +51224,7 @@ A man can be happy with any woman so long as he doesn't love her. % What on earth would a man do with himself if something did not stand in his way? - -- H.G. Wells + -- H. G. Wells % What one believes to be true either is true or becomes true. -- John Lilly @@ -51298,10 +51274,10 @@ their grasp before they were five years old. -- Robertson Davies, "The Rebel Angels" % What sane person could live in this world and not be crazy? - -- U.K. LeGuin + -- Ursula K. LeGuin % What scoundrel stole the cork from my lunch? - -- J.D. Farley + -- J. D. Farley % What segment's this, that, laid to rest On FHA0, is sleeping? @@ -51610,7 +51586,7 @@ of many men for the inattentions of one. % When a lion meets another with a louder roar, the first lion thinks the last a bore. - -- G.B. Shaw + -- George Bernard Shaw % When a lot of remedies are suggested for a disease, that means it can't be cured. @@ -51647,7 +51623,7 @@ When a person goes on a diet, the first thing he loses is his temper. When a place gets crowded enough to require ID's, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere. - -- R.A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love" + -- Robert A. Heinlein, "Time Enough For Love" % When a shepherd goes to kill a wolf, and takes his dog along to see the sport, he should take care to avoid mistakes. The dog has certain @@ -51818,7 +51794,7 @@ what you like now." % When I hear a man applauded by the mob I always feel a pang of pity for him. All he has to do to be hissed is to live long enough. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Minority Report" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Minority Report" % When I kill, the only thing I feel is recoil. % @@ -52050,7 +52026,7 @@ Behind blue eyes. No one knows what its like to be hated, to be fated, To telling only lies. - -- The Who + -- The Who % When my freshman roommate at Cornell found out I was Jewish, she was, at her request, moved to a different room. She told me she didn't @@ -52338,7 +52314,7 @@ When we write programs that "learn", it turns out we do and they don't. % When women kiss it always reminds one of prize fighters shaking hands. - -- H.L. Mencken, "Sententiae" + -- H. L. Mencken, "Sententiae" % When women love us, they forgive us everything, even our crimes; when they do not love us, they give us credit for nothing, not @@ -52447,10 +52423,10 @@ When you have shot and killed a man you have in some measure clarified your attitude toward him. You have given a definite answer to a definite problem. For better or worse you have acted decisively. In a way, the next move is up to him. - -- R.A. Lafferty + -- R. A. Lafferty % When you have to kill a man it costs nothing to be polite. - -- W. Churchill, on formal declarations of war + -- Winston Churchill, on formal declarations of war % When you jump for joy, beware that no-one moves the ground from beneath your feet. @@ -52572,7 +52548,7 @@ Whenever I feel like exercise, I lie down until the feeling passes. % Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to see it tried on him personally. - -- A. Lincoln + -- Abraham Lincoln % Whenever I see an old lady slip and fall on a wet sidewalk, my first instinct is to laugh. But then I think, what if I was an ant, and she fell on me. @@ -52598,7 +52574,7 @@ So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head. - -- E.A. Robinson, "Richard Cory" + -- E. A. Robinson, "Richard Cory" % Whenever someone tells you to take their advice, you can be pretty sure that they're not using it. @@ -52716,8 +52692,7 @@ While quacks of State must each produce his plan, And even children lisp the Rights of Man; Amid this mighty fuss just let me mention, The Rights of Woman merit some attention. - -- Robert Burns, - Address on "The Rights of Woman", November 26, 1792 + -- Robert Burns, Address on "The Rights of Woman", 1792 % While Europe's eye is fix'd on mighty things, The fate of empires and the fall of kings; @@ -52868,7 +52843,7 @@ Who made the world I cannot tell; 'Tis made, and here am I in hell. My hand, though now my knuckles bleed, I never soiled with such a deed. - -- A.E. Housman + -- A. E. Housman % Who needs companionship when you can sit alone in your room and drink? @@ -53327,8 +53302,8 @@ we should have "nuked" the Soviets in late 1940s before they got The Bomb. I was told that if SALT would go away, we'd soon have the capability to nuke them again -- and this time we'd use it. -- Roger Molander, former nuclear strategist for the - White House's National Security Council, Washington - Post, 21 March, 1982 + White House's National Security Council, Washington + Post, 21 March, 1982 % Without adventure, civilization is in full decay. -- Alfred North Whitehead @@ -53720,9 +53695,9 @@ who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty? Would you people stop playing these stupid games?!?!?!!!! % Would you please have another look at my nose and put in that cocaine -stuff.... - -- Adolf Hitler, quoted by Dr. Giesing in Nuremberg trial - testimony, 1947 +stuff ... + -- Adolf Hitler, quoted by Dr. Giesing in Nuremberg + trial testimony, 1947 % Would you *really* want to get on a non-stop flight? -- George Carlin @@ -53777,7 +53752,7 @@ paper until drops of blood form on your forehead. -- Gene Fowler % Writing is turning one's worst moments into money. - -- J.P. Donleavy + -- J. P. Donleavy % Writing software is more fun than working. % @@ -54252,8 +54227,8 @@ You are magnetic in your bearing. % You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however. - -- R. Bach, "Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for - the Advanced Soul" + -- R. Bach, + "Messiah's Handbook : Reminders for the Advanced Soul" % You are not a fool just because you have done something foolish -- only if the folly of it escapes you. @@ -54458,7 +54433,7 @@ if you will help enough other people get what they want. You can get much further with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone. -- Al Capone - [Also attributed to Johnny Carson. Ed.] + [Also attributed to Johnny Carson. Ed.] % You can get there from here, but why on earth would you want to? % @@ -54593,7 +54568,7 @@ You can't erase a dream, you can only wake me up. -- Peter Frampton % You can't expect a boy to be vicious till he's been to a good school. - -- H.H. Munro + -- H. H. Munro % "You can't expect a mother to be with a small child all the time", Margaret Mead once remarked, with her usual good sense, but in 1978 @@ -54690,7 +54665,7 @@ You don't have to know how the computer works, just how to work the computer. % You don't have to think too hard when you talk to teachers. - -- J.D. Salinger + -- J. D. Salinger % You don't move to Edina, you achieve Edina. -- Guindon @@ -54899,7 +54874,7 @@ meet Cecil," we shout, "You're late again with the child support!" -- Cynthia Heimel, "A Girl's Guide to Chaos" % You know you are getting old when you think you should drive the speed limit. - -- E.A. Gilliam + -- E. A. Gilliam % You know your apartment is small... when you can't know its position and velocity at the same time. @@ -55148,7 +55123,7 @@ the useful ones. You see things; and you say "Why?" But I dream things that never were; and I say "Why not?" -- George Bernard Shaw, "Back to Methuselah" - [No, it wasn't J.F. Kennedy. Ed.] + [No, it wasn't John F. Kennedy. Ed.] % You see, wire telegraph is a kind of a very, very long cat. You pull his tail in New York and his head is meowing in Los Angeles. Do you @@ -55306,7 +55281,7 @@ You will feel hungry again in another hour. You will find me drinking gin In the lowest kind of inn, Because I am a rigid Vegetarian. - -- G.K. Chesterton + -- G. K. Chesterton % You will forget that you ever knew me. %