Remove duplicates

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games/fortune/datfiles/fortunes2-o

@@ -2218,21 +2218,6 @@ your balls.
  9. A beer doesn't want you to raise its children.
 10. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
 %
-10 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Man:
-
- 1. A beer will never invite friends home for dinner without calling.
- 2. A beer won't think less of you if you can't name the Steelers'
-	quarterback.
- 3. A beer won't even act amazed if you can.
- 4. You don't have to let a beer win.
- 5. Just because you have dinner with a beer doesn't mean you have to
-	sleep with it, too.
- 6. A beer helps with the housework.
- 7. A beer will never fumble with your bra.
- 8. A beer will never take the newspaper apart before you've read it.
- 9. A beer doesn't want you to raise its children.
-10. A beer wouldn't mind if you wanted it to wear a condom.
-%
 10 Reasons Why a Beer is Better Than a Man:
 
  1. Having a beer can't make you pregnant.
@@ -2408,12 +2393,6 @@ By breezes that left her quite nude,
 	And, unless I am wrong,
 You expected this line to be lewd.
 %
-A bather whose clothing was strewed
-By breezes that left her quite nude,
-	Saw a man come along
-	And, unless I'm quite wrong,
-You expected this line to be lewd.
-%
 A beachcomber of 25 had been shipwrecked on a desert island since the age of
 six.  One day, while in search of food, he stumbled across a beautifully
 sensuous female lying on the beach nearly naked; she'd been washed ashore from
@@ -2432,12 +2411,6 @@ how he had enjoyed it.
 	"Great!" was the reply.  "But look what it did to my clamdigger!"
 %
 A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
-I am not I, I'm a tree."
-	But another, more sane,
-	Shouted, "I'm a great dane "
-And covered his pants leg with pee.
-%
-A beat schizophrenic said, "Me?
 I am not I, I'm a tree."
 	But another, more sane,
 	Shouted, "I'm a Great Dane!"
@@ -2534,12 +2507,6 @@ Was heard to confess in her cups:
 	Was diddling a collie-
 But I got a nice price for the pups."
 %
-A broken-down harlot named Tupps
-Was heard to confess in her cups:
-	"The height of my folly
-	Was fucking a collie --
-But I got a nice price for the pups."
-%
 A burlesque dancer, a pip
 Named Virginia, could peel in a zip;
 	But she read science fiction
@@ -2677,12 +2644,6 @@ Invented a jack-off machine.
 	The fuckin' thing broke
 And beat both his balls to a creame.
 %
-A clever young man named Eugene
-Invented a jack-off machine.
-	On the twenty-third stroke
-	The goddam thing broke
-And beat both his balls to a creame.
-%
 A clitoris is a lot like Antarctica;
 most men know it's there, but few really care.
 %
@@ -2819,12 +2780,6 @@ Got along with a sexy young sophomore.
 But he found that the sophomore'd got off more.
 %
 A doctoral student from Buckingham
-Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
-	But a dropout from paree
-	Taught him Gamahuchee
-- so he added a footnote on sucking 'em.
-%
-A doctoral student from Buckingham
 Wrote his thesis on cunts and on fucking'em.
 	But a dropout from paree
 	Taught him Gamahuchee
@@ -2849,13 +2804,6 @@ Whose overworked sex is all callous,
 Through exuberance, tightness, and malice.
 %
 A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
-Wished to foster an aura of menace;
-	To make people afraid
-	He wore gloves of grey suede
-And white footgear intended for tennis.
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
-A dreary young bank clerk named Fennis
 Wished to foster an aura of menace.
 	To make people afraid
 	He wore gloves of grey suede
@@ -2996,12 +2944,6 @@ Has taken a-hold of papa.
 	And other odd mammals,
 And gives them a go at mama.
 %
-A habit obscene and unsavory,
-Holds a CS professor in slavery.
-	With maniacal howls,
-	He deflowers young owls,
-That he keeps in an underground aviary.
-%
 A hacker who screwed a mag tape
 Was caught and convicted of rape.
 	To jail he did go,
@@ -3491,20 +3433,6 @@ by the propensity to be sexually aroused by the sight of males.
 		   attempting to explain the lack of female interest in
 		   pornography.
 %
-A nubile female virtually never experiences difficulty in finding willing
-sexual partners, and in a natural habitat nubile females are probably always
-married.  The basic female "strategy" is to obtain the best possible husband,
-to be fertilized by the fittest available male (always, of course, taking
-risk into account), and to maximize the returns on sexual favors bestowed:
-to be sexually aroused by the sight of males would promote random matings,
-thus undermining all of these aims, and would also waste time and energy
-that could be spent in economically significant activities and in nurturing
-children.  A female's reproductive success would be seriously compromised
-by the propensity to be sexually aroused by the sight of males.
-		-- Donald Symons, "The Evolution of Human Sexuality",
-		attempting to explain the lack of female interest in
-		pornography.
-%
 A nuclear family is out golfing one day, when it becomes clear that Dad isn't
 going to win any trophies, at least on this course.  On the 3rd hole, after
 two miserable bogies, he misses a two foot put and exclaims, "Shit!"
@@ -5096,8 +5024,6 @@ Close the door, let me give you what you've been waiting for!!
 COCAINE:
 	The thinking man's Dristan.
 %
-Cocaine -- the thinking man's Dristan.
-%
 Cocaine is nature's way of telling you you have too much money.
 %
 Cocaine isn't habit forming.  I should know -- I've been using it for years.
@@ -5779,11 +5705,6 @@ like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas ... with the music at top volume
 and at least a pint of ether.
 		-- Hunter S. Thompson, "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas"
 %
-Every now and then when your life gets complicated and the weasels start
-closing in, the only real cure is to load up on heinous chemicals and then
-drive like a bastard from Hollywood to Las Vegas.
-		-- Hunter S. Thompson
-%
 Every time you masturbate, God kills a kitten.
 
 Please, think of the kittens.
@@ -5987,10 +5908,6 @@ Looked for true love in the stable.
 	For her were all duds,
 Now she's out with the leg of a table.
 %
-For a gay time, call 632-9483.  Ask for Brucie.
-%
-For a good time, call 632-9484.  Ask for Cathy.
-%
 For a good time, call 632-9485.  Ask for Michael.
 %
 For a house-to-house salesman named Moore,
@@ -6162,17 +6079,6 @@ his daughter.  Your next move is to:
 		daughter and get her number.
 	(d)  Turn red and slink off into the men's room.
 %
-FORTUNE TESTS THE GREAT MANAGERS: #7
-You have just returned from a trip to Green Bay, Wisconsin in January
-and tell your boss that nobody but whores and football players live
-there.  He mentions that his wife is from Green Bay.  You:
-
-	(a) Pretend you are suffering from amnesia and don't remember your
-		name.
-	(b) Ask what position she played.
-	(c) Pull a pair of lacey underwear from your pocket and ask if
-		he recognizes the label.
-%
 FORTUNE TESTS THE GREAT MANAGERS: #9
 
 You are making a sales presentation to a group of corporate executives
@@ -6948,10 +6854,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the Eskimo girl who spent the night with her boyfriend and
 	next morning found she was six months pregnant?
 %
-Hear about...
-	the farmer who couldn't keep his
-	hands off his wife so he fired them?
-%
 Hear about...
 	the farmer who couldn't keep his hands off his wife, so he
 	fired them?
@@ -7016,10 +6918,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the guy who couldn't find his way to the orgy?  Just kind of lost
 	his ball bearings.
 %
-Hear about...
-	the guy who couldn't find his way to the orgy -- you might say he
-	lost his ball bearings?
-%
 Hear about...
 	the guy who had his vasectomy done by Sears?
 	Every time he gets a hard-on, the garage door goes up.
@@ -7053,10 +6951,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the insurance salesman who says his greatest successes are
 	with young housewives who aren't adequately covered?
 %
-Hear about...
-	the little boy that found a fifty cent
-	piece, so he went home for some money?
-%
 Hear about...
 	the little boy that found a fifty cent piece, so he went home
 	for some money?
@@ -7069,10 +6963,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the man who never worried about his marriage until he moved from New
 	York to California and discovered that he still had the same milkman?
 %
-Hear about...
-	the man who took a course in exotic lovemaking and announced that
-	he'd never be able to face his girl again?
-%
 Hear about...
 	the mother of 12 who was called upon to use her diaphragm so often
 	that she kept it tacked to the headboard of her bed?
@@ -7089,10 +6979,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the new instrument of credit especially designed for use in
 	Los Angeles single bars?  It's called Bang Americard.
 %
-Hear about...
-	the new instrument of credit especially designed for use in
-	single bars -- BANG AMERICARD?
-%
 Hear about...
 	the new rule at the girls' school?
 	Lights out by ten, candles by eleven.
@@ -7155,10 +7041,6 @@ Hear about...
 	the woman who claimed that two martinis usually made her
 	feel like a new man?
 %
-Hear about...
-	the woman who says two martinis usually make her feel like a
-	new man?
-%
 Hear about...
 	the young lady attacked in San Francisco?
 	By two men, one held her down while the other one did her hair.
@@ -7677,9 +7559,6 @@ I never met a woman I couldn't drink pretty.
 I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.
 		-- Lyndon Baines Johnson
 %
-I never trust a man unless I've got his pecker in my pocket.
-		-- Lyndon Johnson
-%
 I once had the wife of a Dean
 Seven times while the Dean was out skiin'.
 	She remarked with some gaiety,
@@ -7731,12 +7610,6 @@ I haven't got an answer yet...
 I think any man in business would be foolish to fool around
 with his secretary.  If it's somebody else's secretary, fine.
 		-- Barry Goldwater
-
-I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass.
-		-- Barry Goldwater
-%
-I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell right in the ass.
-		-- Barry Goldwater
 %
 I think every good Christian ought to kick Falwell's ass.
 		-- Senator Barry Goldwater, commenting on Jerry Falwell's
@@ -7825,13 +7698,6 @@ I don't so much care for a door,
 Is getting to be quite a bore!
 		-- Gelett Burgess
 %
-I wish that my room had a floor;
-I don't so much care for a door,
-	But this walking around
-	Without touching the ground
-Is getting to be quite a bore!
-		-- Gelett Burgess
-%
 I wonder what my wife will want tonight;
 Wonder if the wife will fuss and fight?
 	I wonder can she tell
@@ -8824,9 +8690,6 @@ Johnny Carson's Observation on Geriatrics:
 Just go with the flow control, roll with the crunches, and, when you get
 a prompt, type like hell.
 %
-Just go with the flow control, roll with the
-crunches, and, when you get a prompt, type like hell.
-%
 Just once I would like to persuade the audience not to wear any article of
 blue denim.  If only they could see themselves in a pair of brown corduroys
 like mine instead of this awful, boring blue denim.  I don't enjoy the sky
@@ -9149,8 +9012,6 @@ The reason so many people showed up at Louis B. Mayer's funeral
 was because they wanted to make sure he was dead.
 		-- Samuel Goldwyn
 %
-Love comes in spurts.
-%
 Love comes in spurts.
 	--Devo, "Please Please"
 %
@@ -9627,13 +9488,6 @@ And that's when I almost died,
 They nearly knocked me down to be the first in town
 To get their Elephant Shit On Rye!
 %
-`My trip? It was vile.  Balaclava
-I loathed.  Etna was crawling with lava.
-	The ship was all white
-	But it creaked in the night,
-And the band, they did not know la java."
-		-- Edward Gorey
-%
 "My trip? It was vile. Balaclava
 I loathed.  Etna was crawling with lava.
 	The ship was all white
@@ -9831,8 +9685,6 @@ Obscene?  Obscene is young men being trained to drop fire on people, but
 their commanders not allowing them to write "fuck" on their airplanes
 because it's obscene.
 %
-Obscenity is a crutch for lazy Motherfuckers.
-%
 Obscenity is the crutch of inarticulate motherfuckers.
 %
 Oden the bardling averred
@@ -9901,12 +9753,6 @@ He tried to make love to a puma.
 	Tore his testes away -
 - An example of animal huma.
 %
-Oh pity the prince, Montezuma
-He tried to make love to a puma.
-	Seems the puma, in play,
-	Tore his testes away --
-An example of animal huma.
-%
 Oh what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to conceive.
 		-- Don Herold
 %
@@ -9929,12 +9775,6 @@ It won a Bronze at the "Kings Cross Homosexuals Convention" of 1973
 Warning: Avoid contact with eyes and open cuts.
 	 Keep away from open naked flames -- both old and new.
 %
-Old King Cole was a merry old soul,
-A merry old soul was he.
-He called for his pipe,
-And he called for his drums,
-And he fiddled with his call girls three.
-%
 Old King Cole
 Was a merry old soul,
 A merry old soul was he!
@@ -10039,12 +9879,6 @@ Was tattooed the price of her tail.
 	For the sake of the blind,
 Was the same information -- in Braille.
 %
-On the breasts of a harlot from Yale
-Was tattooed the price of her tail
-	And on her behind,
-	For the sake of the blind,
-Was the same information in Braille.
-%
 On the porch of a dude named Horatio,
 His girl got a yen for fellatio.
 	As she sucked on his dingus
@@ -10323,12 +10157,6 @@ walked away.  An onlooking pedestrian then walked up to the officer and asked,
 	"Thure, thure, and dit the thit ticked out of me!"
 %
 One evening a guru had coitus
-With an actress, a whore and a poetess.
-	When asked what position
-	He used for coition,
-He answered serenely, "the loetus."
-%
-One evening a guru had coitus
 With an actress, a whore and a poetess.
 	When asked what position
 	He used for coition,
@@ -10496,31 +10324,6 @@ Has invented a new kind of car.
 	There's no stopping it --
 For short trips, two poots take you far.
 %
-Our team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum
-possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in case
-of emergency.  As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a pretty good
-baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no way to know for
-sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male comes barging over
-from, say, right field, to deal with it.  She's been on the team for three
-seasons now, but the males still don't trust her.  They know, deep in their
-souls, that if she had to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an
-infant's life, she probably would elect to save the infant's life, without
-ever considering whether there were men on base.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
-%
-Our team usually puts the other woman at second base, where the maximum
-possible number of males can get there on short notice to help out in
-case of emergency.  As far as I can tell, our second basewoman is a
-pretty good baseball player, better than I am, anyway, but there's no
-way to know for sure because if the ball gets anywhere near her, a male
-comes barging over from, say, right field, to deal with it.  She's been
-on the team for three seasons now, but the males still don't trust
-her.  They know, deep in their souls, that if she had to choose between
-catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she probably would
-elect to save the infant's life, without ever considering whether there
-were men on base.
-		-- Dave Barry, "Sports is a Drag"
-%
 Our universe itself keeps on expanding and expanding,
 In all of the directions it can whiz;
 As fast as it can go, that's the speed of light, you know,
@@ -11917,7 +11720,6 @@ I'm Ashamed to be Here, but Not Ashamed Enough to Leave
 It's Commode Huggin' Time In The Valley
 If You Want to Keep the Beer Real Cold, Put It Next to My Ex-wife's Heart
 If You Get the Feeling That I Don't Love You, Feel Again
-I'm Ashamed To Be Here, But Not Ashamed Enough To Leave
 It's the Bottle Against the Bible in the Battle For Daddy's Soul
 My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Miss Him
 Don't Cut Any More Wood, Baby, 'Cause I'll Be Comin' Home With A Load
@@ -15092,10 +14894,6 @@ Why I am an atheist:
 Why is it that there are so many more horses' asses than there are horses?
 		-- G. Gordon Liddy
 %
-Why is it that there are so many more
-horses' asses than there are horses?
-		-- G. Gordon Liddy
-%
 Why is Mrs. Carter always on top when she and Jimmy make love?
 Because all Jimmy Carter can do is fuck up.
 %