824 lines
25 KiB
Plaintext
Executable File
824 lines
25 KiB
Plaintext
Executable File
%% $FreeBSD$
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%% From The War Against The Chtorr,
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%% Copyright David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all rights reserved,
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%% used with permission of the author.
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%%
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%%© This is the copyright line.
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%%Eighty-nine is the year we assign.
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%% These verses are caroled
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%% by one David Gerrold.
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%%All rights are reserved. This is mine. *
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%%
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A limerick of classic proportion
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should have meter and rhyme and a portion
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of humor quite lewd,
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and a frightfully crude,
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impossible sexual contortion.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A limerick is best when it's lewd,
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gross, titillating and crude --
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but this one is clean,
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unless you are seen
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reading it aloud in the nude.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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I wanted to print here a medley
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of limericks so gross they were deadly,
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but when the typesetter tried
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to set them, he died;
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(not to mention my editor, Smedly.)
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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I have written some limericks quite fateful,
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malicious and vicious and hateful;
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but I've torn up the jokes
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that will sicken most folks,
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and humanity ought to be grateful.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young lady named Susie,
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Who everyone thought was a floozy.
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She liked boy scout troops
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and Shriners, in groups;
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"What the hell?" She replied. "I'm not choosy."
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A fellow who lived in West Perkin
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was always a-jerkin' his gherkin.
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Said he, "It's not fickle
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to play with my pickle.
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At least my gherkin's a workin'."
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A proctologist name of McGee
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once bent over double to see
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an eyeball of glass
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he had shoved up his ass,
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"-- so I can see one that looks back at me."
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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Bart has a singular penis
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for his wife who is built like a Venus.
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He awoke with a fright
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last Saturday night:
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"Hey! Something is coming between us!"
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A lady who lives in New Delhi
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has habits disgusting and smelhi.
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She likes to eat feces
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of various species.
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(The recipe is tattooed or her belhi.)
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A daisy chain isn't a riddle.
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just some folks who are happy to fiddle,
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by twos and by threes,
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on their backs or their knees,
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and it's fun getting caught in the middle!
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A lad with a marvelous bend
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has no need of a lover or friend.
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What he does to himself
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would fill up a shelf,
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but alas, he has come to his end.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was an old witch, name of Jessie
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whose crotch was all smelly and messie.
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She enjoyed a good squirm
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with an alien worm
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-- and got stains all over her dressie!
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A lady who favors coition,
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has invented the spaceship position.
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She lies down with ease
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and pulls up her knees,
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and hollers, "Lift off!" and "Ignitions!"
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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Isaac the famous seducer,
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will meet a young lass and conducer
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to let him get fresh
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with her quivering flesh,
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but if there isn't the time, he'll just gucer.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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And old man of Texas named Tanners
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was notorious for his bad manners.
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When he noticed the start
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of an imminent fart,
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he'd announce it with bullhorns and banners.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A woman who wanted to see,
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if she stood up, how far she could pee,
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had pardon to beg,
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when it ran down her leg,
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and formed icicles off her left knee.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A promiscuous sort was dear Laurie
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(Yes, this is that kind of story.)
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She did it with Joe
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and Larry and Moe
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and Curly and Howard and Morrie.
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And Johnny and Richard and Pritchard and Kerry
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And Lonnie and Horace and Boris and Barry
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and Donald and Harold
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and Ronald and Gerald
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and Tommy and Dicky and Harry.
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And . . . Peter and Paul and Teddy and Todd
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and Matthew and Mark and Simon and Rod
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and Brucie and Mark
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and Bobby and Clarck
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and she still isn't finished! My God!
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And David and Dennis and Huey and Ken
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and Dewey and Louie, then David again,
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and Willy and Ben
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and David again
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and again and again and again.
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And Danny and Manny and Gary and Fred
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and Mackie and Jackie and Dougie and Ned
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and Harvey and Len
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(then David again)
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and -- hold on just a second, she's dead!
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young man from St. Loo,
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who gave his dear sister a screw.
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Said he, with aplomb,
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"You're better than Mom."
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Said she, "That's what Dad told me too!"
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A lady who didn't like flies
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managed to hide her surprise,
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when she opened up one
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and found it was fun.
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Now she willingly widens her thighs.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young lady named Nancy,
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who liked having sex, plain of fancy.
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With lightning and thunder,
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and a profound sense of wonder,
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But not with a partner -- much too chancy.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young lady quite tearful.
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Of sucking a cock, she was fearful.
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In a moment of dreard,
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she just turned her head.
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And, boy! Did she get an earful!
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A mathematician named Boris
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had a wife with a wondrous clitoris.
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He charged a small fee
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for his colleagues to see
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that it was made in the shape of a torus.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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The ladies all had to agree
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that Mort's penis was too small to see.
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A whore named Louise
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sniffed, "Who will _that_ please?"
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Mort proudly submitted, "Just me!"
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young fellow named Fisk
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whose comings and goings were brisk,
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He hid things that were stolen
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inside his colon,
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and said, "Hey! It's my own *."
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A stunning young lady named Joan
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thought a penis was made with a bone.
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She just didn't know
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'twas her sexual glow
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that turned parts of men into stone.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A midwife named Flo from Arabia
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often enjoys giving baby a
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forty-volt shock
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to the base of the cock.
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(On a girl, she goes for the labia.)
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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I know of a lass who's for sale.
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She's really a nice piece of tail.
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From June to September,
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she'll devour your member,
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but the rest of the year, she's in jail.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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Miss Wilkerson thought it her duty
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to maintain her conjugal beauty.
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She mixed up a paste
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of industrial waste,
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and applied it to her sweet patootie.*
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* The facts about beauty are known,
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and well-learned by those who are grown:
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beauty is thin,
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it lies on the skin;
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but ugly goes down to the bone.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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The punctual Cynthia Rolen
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missed a period, (or it was stolen)
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She looked up her ass
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with a tube made of glass,
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but found only her own semi-colon;
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A short-organ fellow named Kevin
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used a vacuum to stretch it to seven,
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then to eight and to nine,
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and though ten was divine,
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there will be film at eleven.*
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* If you think that our boy's now a stud,
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you've been fooled by the size of his pud.
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Although twelve inches soft,
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when it rises aloft,
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he just faints from the sheer lack of blood.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There once was a lady named Lizard,
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who got lost in a pink candy blizzard,
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with a fellow named Jim
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who wanted to swim
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up her legs to visit her gizzard.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young fellow named Ted,
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who had a radio put in his head.
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Long wave or short
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he did it for sport
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-- and to improve his reception in bed.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was a young lady from Venus,
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whose body was shaped like a penis.
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A fellow named Hunt
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was shaped like a cunt,
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so it all worked out fine, just between us.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There was an old bastard named Gene,
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impotent, selfish, and mean.
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His dick was so shamed
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by what the man claimed,
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it pretended that is was a spleen.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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There once was a fellow named Jason,
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whose horrible death I would hasten.
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I'd feed him to worms,
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just to see how he squirms
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-- but they'd vomit his crap in a basin.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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With a French lass, it's unwise to trifle.
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They have urges they simply can't stifle.
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A woman of France
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will pull down her pants
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at the sight of a towering eye-full.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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"My God!" screamed devout Mrs. Pike,
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as she fondled her stableman's spike.
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"This is quite out of place,
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and a great loss of face
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-- but I think I have fallen in like!"
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
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%
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A well-endower fellow from Ortening
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prepared for an evening of sportening,
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with a boy from a disco,
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till he lubed up his Crisco,
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and discovered, alas, it was _shortening_!
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A lady who read Sigmund Freud,
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thought her genitals underemployed;
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so she put in a stand
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for a seven-piece band,
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and held dances that we all enjoyed.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
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%
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A lady named Shirley was mellow
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and she said to her eager young fellow,
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"I prefer bagels and lox
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to sucking off cocks,
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Or even a nice dish of Jell-O!"
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
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There was a young man from St. Helens
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afflicted with shrinkin's and swellin's.
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His dick was so small
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it was not there at all,
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but his balls looked like honeydew melons.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
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A woman who once faked a lettera
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reference by which she could gettera
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job much improved,
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regretted her move
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when they asked her to show her et cetera.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
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|
A lady of South Madagascar
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wears a bag on her head; it's to mask her.
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A bottle of scotch
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might loosen her crotch.
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Wait here, I'll go and I'll ask her.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
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Chuck is weird, let the whole world know it.
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He brought in his bucket to show it.
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We all had a fit
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when we saw it was shit.
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We didn't know he was planning to throw it.
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
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"Which partners are best? Sixty-niners.
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And better than that? Try the Shriners."
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These are the results
|
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of consenting adults,
|
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(and occasional like-minded minors.)
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|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
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A lady's iambic pentameter
|
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is thirty-two inches diameter.
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The breadth of her scansion
|
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is due to expansion
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in the pants of a critical amateur.
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|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was a young fellow from Norwich
|
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Who liked having sex with his porridge.
|
|
With sugar and cream
|
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and a buttery scream --
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(The leftovers went into storage.)
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was a young fellow named Jim
|
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who liked to get naked and swim
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with plastic sex toys
|
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shaped like pubescent boys,
|
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'cause he'd rather be gay than be grim.
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|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
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rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
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A lady who jogged in the breeze
|
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had bosoms that flapped to her knees.
|
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Said she, "They're quite warm,
|
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they keep me dry in a storm,
|
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and when it snows, I use them for skis."
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was an old voyeur named Zeke,
|
|
who liked to hide in the closet and peek,
|
|
then jump out with loud cries
|
|
of "Aha!" and "Surprise!"
|
|
and point out your flaws in technique.
|
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|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Rick promised to gently deflower
|
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a maiden who lived on South Gower,
|
|
(The truth is, he spread
|
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her legs wide on the bed,
|
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and finsihed her off in an hour.)
|
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From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
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These poems have come out of my forehead.
|
|
The subject are all fairly torrid
|
|
-- except for the few
|
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that will make you say, "Pugh!"
|
|
And those are the ones that are horrid.
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|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Juanita, the subject of scandals,
|
|
used to use unscented candles,
|
|
but now thinks it nice
|
|
to use a device
|
|
with batteries, buzzers, and handles.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was an old prune name of Ginty
|
|
who only ate muffins and thin tea.
|
|
Thinking of sex
|
|
gave her the blecchs,
|
|
and left her all dried up and squinty.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
I have written some limericks quite fateful,
|
|
malicious and vicious and hateful;
|
|
but I've torn up the jokes
|
|
that would sicken most folks,
|
|
and humanity ought ot be grateful;
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Here's the tale of Benjamin Sneed:
|
|
Where others were two'd he was three'd
|
|
and when they unmasked it,
|
|
(three balls in his basket),
|
|
he was voted "Most Likely to Breed."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A maiden who had a third breast
|
|
always kept her hand close to her chest,
|
|
and I promised her well
|
|
that I never woudl tell.
|
|
(Write me privately. Name on request.)
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Skydiver Daniel McDopp
|
|
used to masturbate right from the top.
|
|
Whenever he fell,
|
|
he jerked off like hell.
|
|
He was good to the very last drop.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A necrophile name of Ned Schultz,
|
|
often brags of his deed and exults,
|
|
"Tis legal, it's said,
|
|
to make love to the dead,
|
|
if performed by consenting adults."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Have you ever met Jamie McBeezis?
|
|
He does any damn thing that he pleases.
|
|
Says Jamie, undaunted,
|
|
"If you've got it,then flaunt it!"
|
|
But he's referring to social diseases.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There once was a nearsighted gynie
|
|
whose glasses were sparkly and shiny;
|
|
but they stayed in the drawer
|
|
while he worked on a whore
|
|
and tied up the tubes of her hiney.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A shepherd named Jimmie Fitzhugh,
|
|
said to his sweetheart, "It's true.
|
|
Nothing is moister
|
|
than a fresh oister,
|
|
unless, of course, it is ewe."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There's a reason why Barton is queer.
|
|
When you meet him, the reason is clear.
|
|
A goddess named Venus
|
|
gave him a penis,
|
|
but Mother Nature filled up his brassiere.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Then there was Benjamin Bright,
|
|
a contestant on "What's My Delight?"
|
|
They guesses at his habits
|
|
with little white rabbits,
|
|
but were stumped by his mouse and his kite.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was a young man from St. Lutz,
|
|
who had a remarkable putz.
|
|
It would sniff, it would hunt,
|
|
for it only liked cunt.
|
|
Absolutely no lips, hands, or butts.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Sally's sex life was carefully planned.
|
|
Said she, "I prefer to be manned.
|
|
Things that are anal,
|
|
are always so banal,
|
|
but things that expand are just grand."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Sally-Jo was exceedingly vexed,
|
|
when they said she was quite oversexed.
|
|
She said, "That's not true,
|
|
I just like to screw,
|
|
Now, please take a number. Who's next?"
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Sally sued for support; she was claimin'
|
|
Phil had fathered her baby (named Damon).
|
|
She said, "I ought to know."
|
|
as she pointed below.
|
|
"'Cause this is the box that he came in."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
We will need a computer to tally
|
|
all the cowboys who scouted our Sally.
|
|
There were some on her mountains
|
|
and some on her fountains,
|
|
and quite a few down in the valley.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A lady who overly lusted
|
|
was frequently opened and thrusted.
|
|
When the baby came due
|
|
it was female too,
|
|
and its hymen was already busted.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
When writing these verses of mine,
|
|
I start with a clever last line,
|
|
then work backward from there,
|
|
toward the opening pair,
|
|
with the hope it'll all work out fine.*
|
|
|
|
*only sometimes it doesn't.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There once was a whore from St. Paul,
|
|
who took anyone, wide, short, or tall.
|
|
She said to her clients,
|
|
"It's not really science --
|
|
it's just that one size will fit all!"
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was a young fellow named Forrest
|
|
whose cornhole was one of the sorest.
|
|
Said he, "I don't mind
|
|
a regular grind
|
|
-- but I do wish my ass were clitorised."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
When Shakespeare awakes with a scream
|
|
and his member a-drippin' with cream,
|
|
'tis just the commission
|
|
of nocturnal emission,
|
|
which he dubs, "A Mid-Slumber Night-Stream."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
Sally-Jo taught erotic correction.
|
|
She told her student to get an erection.
|
|
"Put your dick in my mouth.
|
|
Move it north, move it south --
|
|
Now, you're getting a sense of direction!"
|
|
|
|
Her instructions were very explicit,
|
|
and more than a little illicit:
|
|
"Please fill up my cunny
|
|
with fresh clover honey,
|
|
and butter my buns like a biscuit."
|
|
|
|
"Then wrap me up nice in a blanket,
|
|
and I'll sit on your staff while you crank it.
|
|
I'll put on some feathers,
|
|
and laces and leathers,
|
|
and wiggle my ass while you spank it."
|
|
|
|
"Now that your fingers are stinky,
|
|
tie me up in some chains that are clinky.
|
|
Bring in goats and a sheik,
|
|
give my titties a tweak
|
|
--and _now_, we can start getting kinky!"
|
|
|
|
"Forget what the chain and the whip meant.
|
|
Just get the straps and the slings and a shipment
|
|
of high-grade Vaseline,
|
|
and a strong trampoline,
|
|
and allof the other equipment!"
|
|
|
|
"Now, when we get all the bedsprings a-drummin',
|
|
that's when I'll start in a-hummin',
|
|
then quickly, my dear,
|
|
put it into my ear,
|
|
so I'll hear the sound of it comin'!"
|
|
|
|
"I don't know how much this is costing,"
|
|
said her student, still covered with frosting.
|
|
"But I can say with affinity
|
|
that I've lost my virginity.
|
|
Quite frankly, my dear, you're _exhausting_!"
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was a mad pilot named Lizzy,
|
|
whose manners were said to be skizzy.
|
|
She could loop, she could twirl,
|
|
she could make your head whirl.
|
|
She left all her men fucking dizzy.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
The speed of Ed's seed is unclocked
|
|
whenever a lady's unfrocked.
|
|
Tho' his spirit is willin,
|
|
when a pussy needs fillin',
|
|
he's a man who goes off half-cocked.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A lady whose name is Tirelli
|
|
has tits made of dynamite jelli.
|
|
If you take on this dare,
|
|
you must fondle with care.
|
|
(The detonator's south of her belli.)
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
The fame of our Mame was her tushy,
|
|
and the front of her cunt. (It was bushy.)
|
|
But I heard that her Mike
|
|
preferred for his spike
|
|
the place in her face that was skwooshy.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A whore with a face like a hound
|
|
complained that her sales were down,
|
|
till a lover named Michael
|
|
bought her a cycle,
|
|
and she peddled it all over town.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
There was a young man named Levine
|
|
who said to his lady, inclined,
|
|
"Thanks for the spasm,
|
|
it felt like orgasm;
|
|
as a matter of fact, 'twas divine."
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|
|
A king who was mad at the time,
|
|
decreed limerick writing a crime.
|
|
but late in the night
|
|
all the poets woudl write
|
|
verses without any rhyme or meter.
|
|
|
|
From The War Against The Chtorr, (c) David Gerrold, 1984-2000, all
|
|
rights reserved, used with permission of the author.
|
|
%
|