A few more cleanups.
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@ -12502,7 +12502,7 @@ Bizarreness is the essence of the exotic.
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Bizoos, n.:
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The millions of tiny individual bumps that make up a
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basketball.
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basketball.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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Black people have never rioted. A riot is what white people think blacks
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@ -12575,10 +12575,10 @@ Blinding speed can compensate for a lot of deficiencies.
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BLISS is ignorance
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blithwapping:
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Blithwapping, v:
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Using anything BUT a hammer to hammer a nail into the
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wall, such as shoes, lamp bases, doorstops, etc.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Blood flows down one leg and up the other.
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@ -12948,10 +12948,10 @@ Bumper sticker:
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Bunker's Admonition:
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You cannot buy beer; you can only rent it.
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BURBULATION:
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Burbulation, v:
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The obsessive act of opening and closing a refrigerator door in
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an attempt to catch it before the automatic light comes on.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Bureau Termination, Law of:
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When a government bureau is scheduled to be phased out,
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@ -13397,8 +13397,8 @@ the same can be said of dirt.
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Carperpetuation (kar' pur pet u a shun), n.:
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The act, when vacuuming, of running over a string at least a
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dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then
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putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
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dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it,
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then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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%
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Carson's Consolation:
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@ -14277,7 +14277,7 @@ Confidant, confidante, n.:
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-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Confidence is simply that quiet, assured feeling you have before you
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fall flag on your face.
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fall flat on your face.
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-- Dr. L. Binder
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Confidence is the feeling you have before you understand the situation.
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@ -16549,10 +16549,10 @@ engineer.
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Either I'm dead or my watch has stopped.
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-- Groucho Marx' last words
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%
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ELBONICS:
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Elbonics, v:
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The actions of two people maneuvering for one
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armrest in a movie theatre.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Eleanor Rigby
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Sits at the keyboard and waits for a line on the screen
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@ -17736,10 +17736,10 @@ Don't break the chain! Send out your ten copies today!
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Female rabbits:
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The gift that just "keeps on giving."
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%
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FENDERBERG:
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Fenderberg, n.:
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The large glacial deposits that form on the insides
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of car fenders during snowstorms.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Ferguson's Precept:
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A crisis is when you can't say "let's forget the whole thing."
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@ -18007,9 +18007,9 @@ Five rules for eternal misery:
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Flame on!
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-- Johnny Storm
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FLANNISTER:
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Flannister, n.:
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The plastic yoke that holds a six-pack of beer together.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Flappity, floppity, flip
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The mouse on the m"obius strip;
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@ -19606,7 +19606,7 @@ Function reject.
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Fundamentally, there may be no basis for anything.
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Furbling, v.:
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Furbling, v:
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Having to wander through a maze of ropes at an airport or bank
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even when you are the only person in line.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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@ -19684,7 +19684,7 @@ GEMINI (May 21 to Jun. 20)
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and respect from those around you; everybody loves a sucker. A short
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trip is in the stars, possibly to the men's room.
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Genderplex, n:
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Genderplex, n.:
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The predicament of a person in a restaurant who is unable to
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determine his or her designated restroom (e.g., turtles and
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tortoises).
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@ -19977,9 +19977,9 @@ whose use squanders machine cycles are sinful. The LISP machine now permits
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LISP programmers to abandon bra and fig-leaf.
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-- Epigrams in Programming, ACM SIGPLAN Sept. 1982
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GLEEMITES:
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Gleemites, n.:
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Petrified deposits of toothpaste found in sinks.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Glib's Fourth Law of Unreliability:
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Investment in reliability will increase until it exceeds the
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@ -20011,7 +20011,7 @@ extraction.
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Gnagloot, n.:
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A person who leaves all his ski passes on his jacket just to
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impress people.
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impress people.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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Go ahead, make my day.
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@ -25345,7 +25345,7 @@ Identify your visitor.
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Idiot Box, n.:
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The part of the envelope that tells a person where to place the
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stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
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stamp when they can't quite figure it out for themselves.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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Idiot, n.:
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@ -27202,7 +27202,7 @@ off with dinner at Milliway's, the restaurant at the end of the universe.
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If you've seen one redwood, you've seen them all.
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-- Ronald Reagan
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ignisecond, n:
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Ignisecond, n.:
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The overlapping moment of time when the hand is locking the car
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door even as the brain is saying, "my keys are in there!"
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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@ -31189,7 +31189,7 @@ another number.
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Let me not to the marriage of true minds
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Admit impediments. Love is not love
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Which alters when it alteration finds,
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Or bends with the remover to remove:
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Or bends with the remover to remove.
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O, no! it is an ever-fixed mark,
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That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
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It is the star to every wandering bark,
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@ -31198,8 +31198,9 @@ Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
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Within his bending sickle's compass come;
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Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
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But bears it out even to the edge of doom.
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If this be error and upon me proved,
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I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
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If this be error and upon me proved,
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I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
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-- William Shakespeare, Sonnet CXVI
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Let me put it this way: today is going to be a learning experience.
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@ -32404,7 +32405,7 @@ with a great white light, to the inexpressible advancement of human
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knowledge.
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-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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Magnocartic, adj:
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Magnocartic, adj.:
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Any automobile that, when left unattended, attracts shopping
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carts.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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@ -33481,10 +33482,10 @@ Mitchell's Law of Committees:
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Any simple problem can be made insoluble
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if enough meetings are held to discuss it.
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mittsquinter, adj:
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A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing the ball, as
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if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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Mittsquinter, adj.:
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A ballplayer who looks into his glove after missing the ball,
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as if, somehow, the cause of the error lies there.
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans;
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it's lovely to be silly at the right moment.
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@ -34033,7 +34034,7 @@ Must I hold a candle to my shames?
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Mustgo, n.:
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Any item of food that has been sitting in the refrigerator so
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long it has become a science project.
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-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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My advice to you, my violent friend, is to seek out gold and sit on it.
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-- The Dragon to Grendel, in John Gardner's "Grendel"
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@ -34401,10 +34402,10 @@ GIUSEPPE: Make him a general, Excellency, and then everything he says
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will be right.
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-- George Bernard Shaw, "The Man of Destiny"
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narcolepulacyi, n:
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Narcolepulacyi, n.:
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The contagious action of yawning, causing everyone in sight
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to also yawn.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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Nasrudin called at a large house to collect for charity. The servant said
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"My master is out." Nasrudin replied, "Tell your master that next time he
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@ -37796,12 +37797,12 @@ Pecor's Health-Food Principle:
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Pedaeration, n.:
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The perfect body heat achieved by having one leg under the
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sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
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sheet and one hanging off the edge of the bed.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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%
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pediddel:
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Pediddel, n.:
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A car with only one working headlight.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Pedro Guerrero was playing third base for the Los Angeles Dodgers in 1984
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when he made the comment that earns him a place in my Hall of Fame. Second
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@ -38090,7 +38091,7 @@ Peterson's Rules:
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(3) Things that tick are not always clocks.
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(4) Suicide only works when you're bluffing.
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petribar:
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Petribar, n.:
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Any sun-bleached prehistoric candy that has been sitting in
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the window of a vending machine too long.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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@ -38113,10 +38114,10 @@ Philosophy will clip an angel's wings.
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Phone call for chucky-pooh.
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phosflink:
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To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if, somehow, that
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will bring it back to life).
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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Phosflink, v:
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To flick a bulb on and off when it burns out (as if, somehow,
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that will bring it back to life).
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Photographing a volcano is just about
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the most miserable thing you can do.
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@ -38992,10 +38993,10 @@ PURITAN:
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Puritanism -- the haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
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-- H. L. Mencken, "A Book of Burlesques"
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%
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PURPITATION:
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Purpitation, v:
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To take something off the grocery shelf, decide you
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don't want it, and then put it in another section.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Pushing 30 is exercise enough.
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%
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@ -41313,7 +41314,7 @@ Schapiro's Explanation:
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%
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Schizophrenia beats being alone.
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schlattwhapper, n:
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Schlattwhapper, n.:
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The window shade that allows itself to be pulled down,
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hesitates for a second, then snaps up in your face.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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@ -41322,11 +41323,6 @@ Schmidt's Observation:
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All things being equal, a fat person uses more soap
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than a thin person.
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%
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Schnuffel, n.:
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A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in
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mixed company.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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%
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Schwiggle, n.:
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The amusing rotation of one's bottom while sharpening a
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pencil.
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@ -41464,9 +41460,10 @@ Roll the tapes across the floor!
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Screw up your courage! You've screwed up everything else.
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%
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SCRIBLINE:
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The blank area on the back of credit cards where one's signature goes.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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Scribline, n.:
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The blank area on the back of credit cards where one's
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signature goes.
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Scrubbing floors and emptying bedpans has as much dignity as the
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Presidency.
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@ -42903,9 +42900,10 @@ Its five-year mission: to explore strange new worlds; to seek out new life
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and new civilizations; to boldly go where no man has gone before.
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-- Captain James T. Kirk
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%
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SPAGMUMPS:
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Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order items.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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Spagmumps, n.:
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Any of the millions of Styrofoam wads that accompany mail-order
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items.
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Spare no expense to save money on this one.
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-- Samuel Goldwyn
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@ -43037,7 +43035,7 @@ SPINSTER:
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Spirtle, n.:
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The fine stream from a grapefruit that always lands right in
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your eye.
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-- Sniglets, "Rich Hall & Friends"
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Spock: The odds of surviving another
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attack are 13562190123 to 1, Captain.
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@ -43051,9 +43049,9 @@ Spouse, n.:
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Spring is here, spring is here,
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Life is skittles and life is beer.
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%
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SQUATCHO:
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Squatcho, n.:
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The button at the top of a baseball cap.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Squirrels eating squirrels, my God, that's sick.
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%
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@ -43848,11 +43846,11 @@ Telephone, n.:
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making a disagreeable person keep his distance.
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-- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"
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%
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TELEPRESSION:
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The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing that you did not try
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hard enough to look up the number on your own and instead put the
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burden on the directory assistant.
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-- "Sniglets", Rich Hall & Friends
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Telepression, n.:
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The deep-seated guilt which stems from knowing that you did not
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try hard enough to look up the number on your own and instead
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put the burden on the directory assistant.
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-- Rich Hall & Friends, "Sniglets"
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%
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Television -- a medium. So called because it is neither rare nor well done.
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-- Ernie Kovacs
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@ -52117,7 +52115,7 @@ Today's weirdness is tomorrow's reason why.
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%
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Toddlers are the stormtroopers of the Lord of Entropy.
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%
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toilet toupee, n:
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Toilet Toupee, n:
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Any shag carpet that causes the lid to become top-heavy, thus
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creating endless annoyance to male users.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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@ -54204,7 +54202,7 @@ women. There, that's it: 24 words. But the guy who wrote the book took
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Or consider "The Brothers Karamazov", by the famous Russian alcoholic
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Fyodor Dostoevsky. It's about these two brothers who kill their father.
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Or maybe only one of them kills the father. It's impossible to tell because
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what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages.If all Russians talk
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what they mostly do is talk for nearly a thousand pages. If all Russians talk
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as much as the Karamazovs did, I don't see how they found time to become a
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major world power.
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I'm told that Dostoevsky wrote "The Brothers Karamazov" to raise
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@ -57638,7 +57636,7 @@ XV:
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%
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XIIdigitation, n.:
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The practice of trying to determine the year a movie was made
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by deciphering the Roman numerals at the end of the credits.
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by deciphering the Roman numerals at the end of the credits.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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%
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XLI:
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@ -11810,9 +11810,9 @@ Says an airlining wanton named Vi:
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I'll take head on a flight,
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So the guy can have pie in the sky."
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%
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schnuffel, n.:
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A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in mixed
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company.
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Schnuffel, n.:
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A dog's practice of continuously nuzzling in your crotch in
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mixed company.
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-- Rich Hall, "Sniglets"
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%
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"Scott, baby," the sexually aggressive girl murmured as she guided
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@ -12173,7 +12173,7 @@ Sniff sniff... Hey! Who farted?
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%
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Snow White:
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"Gee guys, I've always dreamed of getting ten inches...
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but not an inch-and-a-half at a time!
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but not an inch-and-a-half at a time!"
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%
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"Snyder's got a stiff ticket," said Kay,
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"Come on, take it out, and let's play."
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@ -13073,7 +13073,7 @@ returned to the rectory to find a note from that worthy.
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%
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The new rooster caused a great stir in the barnyard. From resplendent comb
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to defiant spurs, he was the picture of young bantamhood. Almost immediately
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upon arrival, he was greeted by and elderly rooster who took him behind the
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upon arrival, he was greeted by an elderly rooster who took him behind the
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barn and whispered in his ear: "Young fellow, I'm long past my prime. All I
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want now is peace and solitude. So you take over right now as ruler of the
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roost with my blessings."
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@ -13082,7 +13082,7 @@ a young rooster could. After several days, however, the elder rooster again
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took the young champion behind the barn. "Kid," he said, "the hens are after
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me for giving up my position so readily. So why don't we have a race, say,
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ten laps around the farmhouse? The winner becomes undisputed keeper of the
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henhouse and the hens will stop nagging me.
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henhouse and the hens will stop nagging me."
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The young rooster, with only contempt for his elder, agreed.
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Surprisingly, the older one jumped off to an early lead. His counterpart,
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weakened by the activities of the previous week, was never quite able to
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@ -1309,7 +1309,7 @@ schlaft
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Schlegel
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schlemiel
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schloshed
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schnuffel
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Schnuffel
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scones
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Scot's
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scotches
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@ -3642,7 +3642,6 @@ Schmonsequences
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schnappen
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Schneier
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Schnoebelen
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Schnuffel
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Schrier
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Schroder
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Schrodinger's
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