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MFC all updates other than the combination of fortunes-o.real

Browse Source 
and fortunes2.o.
This commit is contained in:
dougb 2007-12-10 19:34:26 +00:00
parent bef5d87630
commit 368a32e277
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@ -1,111 +1,54 @@
This fortune brought to you by:
$FreeBSD$
%
Having trouble using fetch through a firewall? Try setting the environment
variable FTP_PASSIVE_MODE to yes, and see fetch(3) for more details.
Any user that is a member of the wheel group can use "su -" to simulate
a root login. You can add a user to the wheel group by editing /etc/group.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
By pressing "Scroll Lock" you can use the arrow keys to scroll backward
through the console output. Press "Scroll Lock" again to turn it off.
%
Want colour in your directory listings? Use "ls -G". "ls -F" is also useful,
and they can be combined as "ls -FG".
Can't remember if you've installed a certain port or not? Try "pkg_info
-Ix port_name".
%
If you need to ask a question on the FreeBSD-questions mailing list then
Ever wonder what those numbers after command names were, as in cat(1)? It's
the section of the manual the man page is in. "man man" will tell you more.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
Forget how to spell a word or a variation of a word? Use
http://www.freebsd.org/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/articles/\
freebsd-questions/index.html
contains lots of useful advice to help you get the best results.
look portion_of_word_you_know
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you'd like to keep track of applications in the FreeBSD ports tree, take a
look at FreshPorts;
http://www.freshports.org/
Forget what directory you are in? Type "pwd".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To search for files that match a particular name, use find(1); for example
find / -name "*GENERIC*" -ls
will search '/', and all subdirectories, for files with 'GENERIC' in the name.
-- Stephen Hilton <nospam@hiltonbsd.com>
Forget when Easter is? Try "ncal -e". If you need the date for Orthodox
Easter, use "ncal -o" instead.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
In tcsh, you can `set autolist' to have the shell automatically show
all the possible matches when doing filename/directory expansion.
FreeBSD is started up by the program 'init'. The first thing init does when
starting multiuser mode (ie, starting the computer up for normal use) is to
run the shell script /etc/rc. By reading /etc/rc and the /etc/rc.d/ scripts,
you can learn a lot about how the system is put together, which again will
make you more confident about what happens when you do something with it.
%
You can `set autologout = 30' to have tcsh log you off automatically
if you leave the shell idle for more than 30 minutes.
Handy bash(1) prompt: PS1="\u@\h \w \!$ "
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
If you `set filec' (file completion) in tcsh and write a part of the
filename, pressing TAB will show you the available choices when there
is more than one, or complete the filename if there's only one match.
Having trouble using fetch through a firewall? Try setting the environment
variable FTP_PASSIVE_MODE to yes, and see fetch(3) for more details.
%
You can press up-arrow or down-arrow to walk through a list of
previous commands in tcsh.
If other operating systems have damaged your Master Boot Record, you can
reinstall it either with /usr/sbin/sysinstall or with boot0cfg(8). See
"man boot0cfg" for details.
%
You can disable tcsh's terminal beep if you `set nobeep'.
If you accidentally end up inside vi, you can quit it by pressing Escape, colon
(:), q (q), bang (!) and pressing return.
%
If you `set watch = (0 any any)' in tcsh, you will be notified when
someone logs in or out of your system.
%
Nice tcsh prompt: set prompt = '%m %# '
%
Nice tcsh prompt: set prompt = '%n@%m%# '
%
Nice tcsh prompt: set prompt = '%n@%m:%~%# '
%
Nice tcsh prompt: set prompt = '%n@%m:%/%# '
%
Nice tcsh prompt: set prompt = '[%B%m%b] %B%~%b%# '
%
Simple tcsh prompt: set prompt = '%# '
%
If you want df(1) and other commands to display disk sizes in
kilobytes instead of 512-byte blocks, set BLOCKSIZE in your
environment to 'K'. You can also use 'M' for Megabytes or 'G' for
Gigabytes. If you want df(1) to automatically select the best size
then use 'df -h'.
%
To change an environment variable in tcsh you use: setenv NAME "value"
where NAME is the name of the variable and "value" its new value.
%
To change an environment variable in /bin/sh use:
$ VARIABLE="value"
$ export VARIABLE
%
You can use /etc/make.conf to control the options used to compile software
on this system. Example entries are in
/usr/share/examples/etc/make.conf.
%
To do a fast search for a file, try
locate filename
locate uses a database that is updated every Saturday (assuming your computer
is running FreeBSD at the time) to quickly find files based on name only.
%
In order to search for a string in some files, use 'grep' like this:
grep "string" filename1 [filename2 filename3 ...]
This will print out the lines in the files that contain the string. grep can
also do a lot more advanced searches - type 'man grep' for details.
%
You can use the 'fetch' command to retrieve files over ftp or http.
fetch http://www.freebsd.org/index.html
will download the front page of the FreeBSD web site.
%
In order to make fetch (the FreeBSD downloading tool) ask for
username/password when it encounters a password-protected web page, you can set
the environment variable HTTP_AUTH to 'basic:*'.
%
You can permanently set environment variables for your shell by putting them
in a startup file for the shell. The name of the startup file varies
depending on the shell - csh and tcsh uses .login, bash, sh, ksh and zsh use
.profile. When using bash, sh, ksh or zsh, don't forget to export the
variable.
If you are in the C shell and have just installed a new program, you won't
be able to run it unless you first type "rehash".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you are running xterm, the default TERM variable will be 'xterm'. If you
set this environment variable to 'xterm-color' instead, a lot of programs will
@ -123,16 +66,403 @@ If you do not want to get beeps in X11 (X Windows), you can turn them off with
xset b off
%
You can look through a file in a nice text-based interface by typing
If you have a CD-ROM drive in your machine, you can make the CD-ROM that is
presently inserted available by typing 'mount /cdrom' as root. The CD-ROM
will be available under /cdrom/. Remember to do 'umount /cdrom' before
removing the CD-ROM (it will usually not be possible to remove the CD-ROM
without doing this.)
less filename
Note: This tip may not work in all configurations.
%
If you need a reminder to leave your terminal, type "leave +hhmm" where
"hhmm" represents in how many hours and minutes you need to leave.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you need to ask a question on the FreeBSD-questions mailing list then
http://www.FreeBSD.org/doc/en_US.ISO8859-1/articles/\
freebsd-questions/index.html
contains lots of useful advice to help you get the best results.
%
If you `set filec' (file completion) in tcsh and write a part of the
filename, pressing TAB will show you the available choices when there
is more than one, or complete the filename if there's only one match.
%
If you `set watch = (0 any any)' in tcsh, you will be notified when
someone logs in or out of your system.
%
If you use the C shell, add the following line to the .cshrc file in your
home directory to prevent core files from being written to disk:
limit coredumpsize 0
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you want df(1) and other commands to display disk sizes in
kilobytes instead of 512-byte blocks, set BLOCKSIZE in your
environment to 'K'. You can also use 'M' for Megabytes or 'G' for
Gigabytes. If you want df(1) to automatically select the best size
then use 'df -h'.
%
If you want to play CDs with FreeBSD, a utility for this is already included.
Type 'cdcontrol' then 'help' to learn more. (You may need to set the CDROM
environment variable in order to make cdcontrol want to start.)
%
If you want to quickly check for duplicate package/port installations,
try the following pkg_info command.
pkg_info | sort | sed -e 's/-[0-9].*$//' | \
uniq -c | grep -v '^[[:space:]]*1'
%
If you'd like to keep track of applications in the FreeBSD ports tree, take a
look at FreshPorts;
http://www.freshports.org/
%
In order to make fetch (the FreeBSD downloading tool) ask for
username/password when it encounters a password-protected web page, you can set
the environment variable HTTP_AUTH to 'basic:*'.
%
In order to search for a string in some files, use 'grep' like this:
grep "string" filename1 [filename2 filename3 ...]
This will print out the lines in the files that contain the string. grep can
also do a lot more advanced searches - type 'man grep' for details.
%
In order to support national characters for European languages in tools like
less without creating other nationalisation aspects, set the environment
variable LC_ALL to 'en_US.ISO8859-1'.
%
In tcsh, you can `set autolist' to have the shell automatically show
all the possible matches when doing filename/directory expansion.
%
"man firewall" will give advice for building a FreeBSD firewall
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
"man hier" will explain the way FreeBSD filesystems are normally laid out.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
Man pages are divided into section depending on topic. There are 9 different
sections numbered from 1 (General Commands) to 9 (Kernel Developer's Manual).
You can get an introduction to each topic by typing
man <number> intro
In other words, to get the intro to general commands, type
man 1 intro
%
"man ports" gives many useful hints about installing FreeBSD ports.
%
"man security" gives very good advice on how to tune the security of your
FreeBSD system.
%
"man tuning" gives some tips how to tune performance of your FreeBSD system.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
Need to do a search in a manpage or in a file you've sent to a pager? Use
"/search_word". To repeat the same search, type "n" for next.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to find the location of a program? Use "locate program_name".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to leave your terminal for a few minutes and don't want to logout?
Use "lock -p". When you return, use your password as the key to unlock the
terminal.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to print a manpage? Use
man name_of_manpage | col -bx | lpr
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to quickly empty a file? Use ": > filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to quickly return to your home directory? Type "cd".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to remove all those ^M characters from a DOS file? Try
tr -d \\r < dosfile > newfile
-- Originally by Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to see the calendar for this month? Simply type "cal". To see the
whole year, type "cal -y".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to see which daemons are listening for connection requests? Use
"sockstat -4l" for IPv4, and "sockstat -l" for IPv4 and IPv6.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to see your routing table? Type "netstat -rn". The entry with the G
flag is your gateway.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Nice bash prompt: PS1='(\[$(tput md)\]\t <\w>\[$(tput me)\]) $(echo $?) \$ '
-- Mathieu <mathieu@hal.interactionvirtuelle.com>
%
Nice tcsh prompts:
set prompt = '[%B%m%b] %B%~%b%# '
set prompt = '%m %# '
set prompt = '%n@%m%# '
set prompt = '%n@%m:%/%# '
set prompt = '%n@%m:%~%# '
%
Over quota? "du -s * | sort -n " will give you a sorted list of your
directory sizes.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
ports/net/netcat port is useful not only for redirecting input/output
to TCP or UDP connections, but also for proxying them with inetd(8).
%
sh (the default Bourne shell in FreeBSD) supports command-line editing. Just
``set -o emacs'' or ``set -o vi'' to enable it.
%
Simple tcsh prompt: set prompt = '%# '
%
The default editor in FreeBSD is vi, which is efficient to use when you have
learned it, but somewhat user-unfriendly. To use ee (an easier but less
powerful editor) instead, set the environment variable EDITOR to /usr/bin/ee
%
If you accidentally end up inside vi, you can quit it by pressing Escape, colon
(:), q (q), bang (!) and pressing return.
Time to change your password? Type "passwd" and follow the prompts.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To change an environment variable in /bin/sh use:
$ VARIABLE="value"
$ export VARIABLE
%
To change an environment variable in tcsh you use: setenv NAME "value"
where NAME is the name of the variable and "value" its new value.
%
To clear the screen, use "clear". To re-display your screen buffer, press
the scroll lock key and use your page up button. When you're finished,
press the scroll lock key again to get your prompt back.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To determine whether a file is a text file, executable, or some other type
of file, use
file filename
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To do a fast search for a file, try
locate filename
locate uses a database that is updated every Saturday (assuming your computer
is running FreeBSD at the time) to quickly find files based on name only.
%
To erase a line you've written at the command prompt, use "Ctrl-U".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To find out the hostname associated with an IP address, use
dig -x IP_address
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To obtain a neat PostScript rendering of a manual page, use ``-t'' switch
of the man(1) utility: ``man -t <topic>''. For example:
man -t grep > grep.ps # Save the PostScript version to a file
or
man -t printf | lp # Send the PostScript directly to printer
%
To quickly create an empty file, use "touch filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To read a compressed file without having to first uncompress it, use
"zcat" or "zmore" to view it.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To repeat the last command in the C shell, type "!!".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To save disk space in your home directory, compress files you rarely
use with "gzip filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To search for files that match a particular name, use find(1); for example
find / -name "*GENERIC*" -ls
will search '/', and all subdirectories, for files with 'GENERIC' in the name.
-- Stephen Hilton <nospam@hiltonbsd.com>
%
To see all of the directories on your FreeBSD system, type
ls -R / | more
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see how long it takes a command to run, type the word "time" before the
command name.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see how much disk space is left on your partitions, use
df -h
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the 10 largest files on a directory or partition, use
du /partition_or_directory_name | sort -rn | head
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the IP addresses currently set on your active interfaces, type
"ifconfig -u".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the last 10 lines of a long file, use "tail filename". To see the
first 10 lines, use "head filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the last time that you logged in, use lastlogin(8).
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the MAC addresses of the NICs on your system, type
ifconfig -a
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the output from when your computer started, run dmesg(8). If it has
been replaced with other messages, look at /var/run/dmesg.boot.
-- Francisco Reyes <lists@natserv.com>
%
Want colour in your directory listings? Use "ls -G". "ls -F" is also useful,
and they can be combined as "ls -FG".
%
Want to find a specific port, just type the following under /usr/ports,
or one its subdirectories:
"make search name=<port-name>"
or
"make search key=<keyword>"
%
Want to know how many words, lines, or bytes are contained in a file? Type
"wc filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Want to see how much virtual memory you're using? Just type "swapinfo" to
be shown information about the usage of your swap partitions.
%
Want to strip UTF-8 BOM(Byte Order Mark) from given files?
sed -e '1s/^\xef\xbb\xbf//' < bomfile > newfile
%
Want to use sed(1) to edit a file in place? Well, to replace every 'e' with
an 'o', in a file named 'foo', you can do:
sed -i.bak s/e/o/g foo
And you'll get a backup of the original in a file named 'foo.bak', but if you
want no backup:
sed -i '' s/e/o/g foo
%
When you've made modifications to a file in vi(1) and then find that
you can't write it, type ``<ESC>!rm -f %'' then ``:w!'' to force the
write
This won't work if you don't have write permissions to the directory
and probably won't be suitable if you're editing through a symbolic link.
%
You can adjust the volume of various parts of the sound system in your
computer by typing 'mixer <type> <volume>'. To get a list of what you can
adjust, just type 'mixer'.
%
You can automatically download and install binary packages by doing
pkg_add -r <URL>
where you replace <URL> with the URL to the package. This will also
automatically install the packages the package you download is dependent on
(ie, the packages it needs in order to work.)
%
You can change the video mode on all consoles by adding something like
the following to /etc/rc.conf:
allscreens="80x30"
You can use "vidcontrol -i mode | grep T" for a list of supported text
modes.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
You can disable tcsh's terminal beep if you `set nobeep'.
%
You can get a good generic server install by using the
instant-server port/package. If you have ports installed, you can
install it by doing
# cd /usr/ports/misc/instant-server
# make install && make clean
as root. This will install a collection of packages that is appropriate for
running a "generic" server.
%
You can get a good standard workstation install by using the
instant-workstation port/package. If you have ports installed, you can
install it by doing
# cd /usr/ports/misc/instant-workstation
# make install && make clean
as root. This will install a collection of packages that is convenient to
have on a workstation.
%
You can install extra packages for FreeBSD by using the ports system.
If you have installed it, you can download, compile, and install software by
just typing
# cd /usr/ports/<category>/<portname>
# make install && make clean
as root. The ports infrastructure will download the software, change it so
it works on FreeBSD, compile it, install it, register the installation so it
will be possible to automatically uninstall it, and clean out the temporary
working space it used. You can remove an installed port you decide you do not
want after all by typing
# cd /usr/ports/<category>/<portname>
# make deinstall
as root.
%
You can look through a file in a nice text-based interface by typing
less filename
%
You can make a log of your terminal session with script(1).
%
You can often get answers to your questions about FreeBSD by searching in the
FreeBSD mailing list archives at
http://www.FreeBSD.org/search/search.html
%
You can open up a new split-screen window in (n)vi with :N or :E and then
use ^w to switch between the two.
%
You can permanently set environment variables for your shell by putting them
in a startup file for the shell. The name of the startup file varies
depending on the shell - csh and tcsh uses .login, bash, sh, ksh and zsh use
.profile. When using bash, sh, ksh or zsh, don't forget to export the
variable.
%
You can press Ctrl-D to quickly exit from a shell, or logout from a
login shell.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
You can press up-arrow or down-arrow to walk through a list of
previous commands in tcsh.
%
You can search for documentation on a keyword by typing
apropos keyword
%
You can `set autologout = 30' to have tcsh log you off automatically
if you leave the shell idle for more than 30 minutes.
%
You can use aliases to decrease the amount of typing you need to do to get
commands you commonly use. Examples of fairly popular aliases include (in
@ -151,66 +481,18 @@ In csh or tcsh, these would be
To remove an alias, you can usually use 'unalias aliasname'. To list all
aliases, you can usually type just 'alias'.
%
In order to support national characters for European languages in tools like
less without creating other nationalisation aspects, set the environment
variable LC_ALL to 'en_US.ISO8859-1'.
You can use /etc/make.conf to control the options used to compile software
on this system. Example entries are in
/usr/share/examples/etc/make.conf.
%
You can search for documentation on a keyword by typing
apropos keyword
You can use "pkg_info" to see a list of packages you have installed.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
Man pages are divided into section depending on topic. There are 9 different
sections numbered from 1 (General Commands) to 9 (Kernel Developer's Manual).
You can get an introduction to each topic by typing
You can use the 'fetch' command to retrieve files over ftp or http.
man <number> intro
fetch http://www.FreeBSD.org/index.html
In other words, to get the intro to general commands, type
man 1 intro
%
FreeBSD is started up by the program 'init'. The first thing init does when
starting multiuser mode (ie, starting the computer up for normal use) is to
run the shell script /etc/rc. By reading /etc/rc and the /etc/rc.d/ scripts,
you can learn a lot about how the system is put together, which again will
make you more confident about what happens when you do something with it.
%
If you want to play CDs with FreeBSD, a utility for this is already included.
Type 'cdcontrol' then 'help' to learn more. (You may need to set the CDROM
environment variable in order to make cdcontrol want to start.)
%
If you have a CD-ROM drive in your machine, you can make the CD-ROM that is
presently inserted available by typing 'mount /cdrom' as root. The CD-ROM
will be available under /cdrom/. Remember to do 'umount /cdrom' before
removing the CD-ROM (it will usually not be possible to remove the CD-ROM
without doing this.)
Note: This tip may not work in all configurations.
%
You can install extra packages for FreeBSD by using the ports system.
If you have installed it, you can download, compile, and install software by
just typing
# cd /usr/ports/<category>/<portname>
# make install && make clean
as root. The ports infrastructure will download the software, change it so
it works on FreeBSD, compile it, install it, register the installation so it
will be possible to automatically uninstall it, and clean out the temporary
working space it used. You can remove an installed port you decide you do not
want after all by typing
# cd /usr/ports/<category>/<portname>
# make deinstall
as root.
%
Nice bash prompt: PS1='(\[$(tput md)\]\t <\w>\[$(tput me)\]) $(echo $?) \$ '
-- Mathieu <mathieu@hal.interactionvirtuelle.com>
%
To see the output from when your computer started, run dmesg(8). If it has
been replaced with other messages, look at /var/run/dmesg.boot.
-- Francisco Reyes <lists@natserv.com>
will download the front page of the FreeBSD web site.
%
You can use "whereis" to search standard binary, manual page and source
directories for the specified programs. This can be particularly handy
@ -219,287 +501,3 @@ when you are trying to find where in the ports tree an application is.
Try "whereis netscape" and "whereis whereis".
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
You can press Ctrl-D to quickly exit from a shell, or logout from a
login shell.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
You can use "pkg_info" to see a list of packages you have installed.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
You can change the video mode on all consoles by adding something like
the following to /etc/rc.conf:
allscreens="80x30"
You can use "vidcontrol -i mode | grep T" for a list of supported text
modes.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
Any user that is a member of the wheel group can use "su -" to simulate
a root login. You can add a user to the wheel group by editing /etc/group.
-- Konstantinos Konstantinidis <kkonstan@duth.gr>
%
Over quota? "du -s * | sort -n " will give you a sorted list of your
directory sizes.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
Handy bash(1) prompt: PS1="\u@\h \w \!$ "
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
Ever wonder what those numbers after command names were, as in cat(1)? It's
the section of the manual the man page is in. "man man" will tell you more.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
"man hier" will explain the way FreeBSD filesystems are normally laid out.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
"man tuning" gives some tips how to tune performance of your FreeBSD system.
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
"man firewall" will give advice for building a FreeBSD firewall
-- David Scheidt <dscheidt@tumbolia.com>
%
You can often get answers to your questions about FreeBSD by searching in the
FreeBSD mailing list archives at
http://www.freebsd.org/search/search.html
%
You can adjust the volume of various parts of the sound system in your
computer by typing 'mixer <type> <volume>'. To get a list of what you can
adjust, just type 'mixer'.
%
You can automatically download and install binary packages by doing
pkg_add -r <URL>
where you replace <URL> with the URL to the package. This will also
automatically install the packages the package you download is dependent on
(ie, the packages it needs in order to work.)
%
You can get a good standard workstation install by using the
instant-workstation port/package. If you have ports installed, you can
install it by doing
# cd /usr/ports/misc/instant-workstation
# make install && make clean
as root. This will install a collection of packages that is convenient to
have on a workstation.
%
You can get a good generic server install by using the
instant-server port/package. If you have ports installed, you can
install it by doing
# cd /usr/ports/misc/instant-server
# make install && make clean
as root. This will install a collection of packages that is appropriate for
running a "generic" server.
%
You can make a log of your terminal session with script(1).
%
"man ports" gives many useful hints about installing FreeBSD ports.
%
"man security" gives very good advice on how to tune the security of your
FreeBSD system.
%
Want to find a specific port, just type the following under /usr/ports,
or one its subdirectories:
"make search name=<port-name>"
or
"make search key=<keyword>"
%
Want to see how much virtual memory you're using? Just type "swapinfo" to
be shown information about the usage of your swap partitions.
%
ports/net/netcat port is useful not only for redirecting input/output
to TCP or UDP connections, but also for proxying them with inetd(8).
%
If other operating systems have damaged your Master Boot Record, you can
reinstall it either with /usr/sbin/sysinstall or with boot0cfg(8). See
"man boot0cfg" for details.
%
Need to see the calendar for this month? Simply type "cal". To see the
whole year, type "cal -y".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to quickly return to your home directory? Type "cd".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the last time that you logged in, use lastlogin(8).
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To clear the screen, use "clear". To re-display your screen buffer, press
the scroll lock key and use your page up button. When you're finished,
press the scroll lock key again to get your prompt back.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To save disk space in your home directory, compress files you rarely
use with "gzip filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To read a compressed file without having to first uncompress it, use
"zcat" or "zmore" to view it.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see how much disk space is left on your partitions, use
df -h
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the 10 largest files on a directory or partition, use
du /partition_or_directory_name | sort -rn | head
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To determine whether a file is a text file, executable, or some other type
of file, use
file filename
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Time to change your password? Type "passwd" and follow the prompts.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Want to know how many words, lines, or bytes are contained in a file? Type
"wc filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to print a manpage? Use
man name_of_manpage | col -bx | lpr
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to remove all those ^M characters from a DOS file? Try
tr -d \\r < dosfile > newfile
-- Originally by Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Forget what directory you are in? Type "pwd".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you are in the C shell and have just installed a new program, you won't
be able to run it unless you first type "rehash".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to leave your terminal for a few minutes and don't want to logout?
Use "lock -p". When you return, use your password as the key to unlock the
terminal.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to find the location of a program? Use "locate program_name".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Forget how to spell a word or a variation of a word? Use
look portion_of_word_you_know
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the last 10 lines of a long file, use "tail filename". To see the
first 10 lines, use "head filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see how long it takes a command to run, type the word "time" before the
command name.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To quickly create an empty file, use "touch filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To find out the hostname associated with an IP address, use
dig -x IP_address
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you use the C shell, add the following line to the .cshrc file in your
home directory to prevent core files from being written to disk:
limit coredumpsize 0
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
If you need a reminder to leave your terminal, type "leave +hhmm" where
"hhmm" represents in how many hours and minutes you need to leave.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to do a search in a manpage or in a file you've sent to a pager? Use
"/search_word". To repeat the same search, type "n" for next.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Forget when Easter is? Try "ncal -e". If you need the date for Orthodox
Easter, use "ncal -o" instead.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to see your routing table? Type "netstat -rn". The entry with the G
flag is your gateway.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to see which daemons are listening for connection requests? Use
"sockstat -4l" for IPv4, and "sockstat -l" for IPv4 and IPv6.
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Can't remember if you've installed a certain port or not? Try "pkg_info
-Ix port_name".
%
To erase a line you've written at the command prompt, use "Ctrl-U".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To repeat the last command in the C shell, type "!!".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
Need to quickly empty a file? Use ": > filename".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see all of the directories on your FreeBSD system, type
ls -R / | more
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the IP addresses currently set on your active interfaces, type
"ifconfig -u".
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
To see the MAC addresses of the NICs on your system, type
ifconfig -a
-- Dru <genesis@istar.ca>
%
You can open up a new split-screen window in (n)vi with :N or :E and then
use ^w to switch between the two.
%
sh (the default Bourne shell in FreeBSD) supports command-line editing. Just
``set -o emacs'' or ``set -o vi'' to enable it.
%
When you've made modifications to a file in vi(1) and then find that
you can't write it, type ``<ESC>!rm -f %'' then ``:w!'' to force the
write
This won't work if you don't have write permissions to the directory
and probably won't be suitable if you're editing through a symbolic link.
%
If you want to quickly check for duplicate package/port installations,
try the following pkg_info command.
pkg_info | sort | sed -e 's/-[0-9].*$//' | \
uniq -c | grep -v '^[[:space:]]*1'
%
Want to use sed(1) to edit a file in place? Well, to replace every 'e' with
an 'o', in a file named 'foo', you can do:
sed -i.bak s/e/o/g foo
And you'll get a backup of the original in a file named 'foo.bak', but if you
want no backup:
sed -i '' s/e/o/g foo
%
To obtain a neat PostScript rendering of a manual page, use ``-t'' switch
of the man(1) utility: ``man -t <topic>''. For example:
man -t grep > grep.ps # Save the PostScript version to a file
or
man -t printf | lp # Send the PostScript directly to printer
%
Want to strip UTF-8 BOM(Byte Order Mark) from given files?
sed -e '1s/^\xef\xbb\xbf//' < bomfile > newfile

138
games/fortune/datfiles/limerick
View File

@ -1,4 +1,5 @@
%% $FreeBSD$
%
A bad little girl in Madrid,
A most reprehensible kid,
Told her Tante Louise
@ -148,13 +149,6 @@ Had a rather tough bug in its core.
And spewed yards and yards
Of illegible tape on the floor.
%
A computer, to print out a fact,
Will divide, multiply, and subtract.
But this output can be
No more than debris,
If the input was short of exact.
-- Gigo
%
A contortionist hailing from Lynch
Used to rent out his tool by the inch.
A foot cost a quid --
@ -315,13 +309,13 @@ By bleeding all over his face.
A gay young prince from Morocco
Made love in a manner rococco.
He painted his penis
To resemble a venus
To resemble a Venus
And flavored his semen with cocoa.
%
A geneticist living in Delft
Scientifically played with himself,
And when he was done
He labled it: son,
He labeled it: son,
And filed him away on a shelf.
%
A gentleman, otherwise meek,
@ -420,7 +414,7 @@ He couldn't get out with ESC.
A hacker-turned-pervert named Fisk
Made love to the drive of his disk.
The thing circumsized him,
Which rather suprised him.
Which rather surprised him.
He wasn't aware of *that* risk.
%
A handsome young rodent named Gratian
@ -602,12 +596,6 @@ Used to catch all the harlots and jail 'em.
He would stand them in line,
With his common-law tool to impale 'em.
%
A limerick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical.
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical.
%
A linguist thought it a farce
That memory space was so sparse.
One day they increased it.
@ -687,7 +675,7 @@ Got a doctor to alter his dong.
When he got there he found he was wrong.
%
A mathematician named Hall
Had a hexhedronical ball,
Had a hexahedronical ball,
And the square of its weight
Times his pecker's, plus eight,
Was four-fifths of five-eighths of fuck-all.
@ -699,7 +687,7 @@ Has a hexahedronical ball,
Is his phone number -- give him a call...
%
A mathematician named Klein
Thought the Mobius band was divine.
Thought the Moebius band was divine.
Said he, "If you glue
The edges of two,
You'll get a weird bottle like mine!
@ -777,12 +765,6 @@ Tied her infantine charge to a kite;
And watched till it flew out of sight.
-- Edward Gorey
%
A pansy who lived in Khartoum
Took a lesbian up to his room.
They argued all night
Over who had the right
To do what, with which, and to whom.
%
A passionate red-haired girl
When you kissed her, her senses would whirl,
And her twat would get wet,
@ -995,10 +977,10 @@ But I hope -- yes I do -- that I marry
As the kind that you zoo-keepers carry."
%
A spunky young schoolboy named Fred
Used totoss off each night while in bed.
Used to toss off each night while in bed.
Said his mother, "Dear lad,
That's exceedingly bad--
Jump in here with your mamma instead."
Jump in here with your mama instead."
%
A starship commander named Kirk
Emerged from his cabin berserk.
@ -1049,7 +1031,7 @@ Called the umpire blind out of malice.
And a girl in the bleachers named Alice.
%
A teenage protester named Lil
Cried, "Those watergate spies make me ill
Cried, "Those Watergate spies make me ill
First they bugged our martinis,
Our bras and bikinis,
And now they are bugging the pill."
@ -1229,7 +1211,7 @@ A young maiden from France was no prude,
She decided to dive in the nude,
But her buddy, behind,
Went out of his mind,
When he noticed where she was tatooed.
When he noticed where she was tattooed.
%
A young man by a girl was desired
To give her the thrills she required,
@ -1276,17 +1258,11 @@ Tore a hole in his sister's best lingerie.
To add incest to insult and injury.
%
A young polo-player of Berkeley
Made love to his sweetheart beserkly.
Made love to his sweetheart berserkly.
In the midst of each chukker
He would break off and fuck her
Horizontally, laterally and verkeley.
%
A young violinist from Rio
Was seducing a woman named Cleo.
As she took down her panties
She said, "No andantes;
I want this allegro con brio!"
%
A young wife in the outskirts of Reims
Preferred frigging to going to mass.
Said her husband, "Take Jacques,
@ -1363,7 +1339,7 @@ An ardent young man named Magruder
Once wooed a girl nude in Bermuda.
She thought it quite lewd
To be wooed in the nude,
But magruder was shrewder, he screwed her.
But Magruder was shrewder, he screwed her.
%
An Argentine gaucho named Bruno
Who said, "Fucking is one thing I do know.
@ -1395,6 +1371,12 @@ Once buggered a VAX Unibus.
But not the young lad
(Except for the toupee and truss).
%
An earnest young woman in Thrace
Said, "Darling, that's not the right place!"
So he gave her a thwack,
And did on her back,
What he couldn't have done face to face.
%
An Edwardian father named Udgeon,
Whose offspring provoked him to dudgeon,
Used on Saturday nights
@ -1447,7 +1429,7 @@ Made a synthetic ass for a friend,
It was simply a bother -- no end.
%
An innocent maiden named Herridge
Was cruelly tricked ito marriage;
Was cruelly tricked into marriage;
When she later found out
What her spouse was about,
She threw herself under a carriage.
@ -1520,12 +1502,6 @@ Who valued her morals too dearly
Only once every year,
And she strained her vagina severely.
%
An earnest young woman in Thrace
Said, "Darling, that's not the right place!"
So he gave her a thwack,
And did on her back,
What he couldn't have done face to face.
%
And then there's the story that's fraught
With disaster -- of balls that got caught,
When a chap took a crap
@ -1715,12 +1691,6 @@ Discovered a marvelous fossil.
And the knot on the end,
T'was the penis of Paul the Apostle.
%
There was a young man from the Coast
Who had an affair with a ghost.
At the height of orgasm
Said the pallid phantasm,
"I think I can feel it -- almost!"
%
There once was a bishop from Birmingham
Who deflowered young girls while confirming 'em.
As they knelt on the hassock
@ -1775,8 +1745,8 @@ Whose cunt was incredibly huge.
As he thunderously came:
"Mon Dieu! Apres moi, le deluge!"
%
There once was a fag of Khartoom
Who spent the night in a Lesbians room.
There once was a fag of Khartoum
Who spent the night in a Lesbian's room.
They argued all night,
Over who had the right,
To do what, and with which, and to whom.
@ -1785,7 +1755,7 @@ There once was a fairy named Avers
Who encircled his cock with lifesavers.
Though buggers all claimed
That their asses were maimed,
Sixy-niners all cheered the new flavors.
Sixty-niners all cheered the new flavors.
%
There once was a fellow named Bob
Who in sexual ways was a snob.
@ -1821,7 +1791,7 @@ There once was a fencer named Fisk,
Whose speed was incredibly brisk.
So fast was his action,
The Fitzgerald contraction,
Foreshortended his foil to a disk.
Foreshortened his foil to a disk.
%
There once was a fiesty young terrier
Who liked to bite girls on the derriere.
@ -1986,7 +1956,7 @@ Fell in love with a virile young Tartar.
And cried: "For that I'll be a martyr!"
%
There once was a lady named Clair,
Who posessed a magnificent pair.
Who possessed a magnificent pair.
Or that's what I thought,
Till I saw one get caught,
On a thorn and begin losing air.
@ -2035,12 +2005,6 @@ Who always ate soup with a fork.
Either fish, foul or flesh,
I otherwise finish too quick."
%
There once was a man from Exameter
Who had a prodigious diameter
But it wasn't the size
That brought forth the cries
'Twas his rythm, iambic pentameter.
%
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
His daughter, named Nan,
@ -2077,12 +2041,6 @@ Who could put it up to her kidney.
Put it up to her neck;
He had a big one, now didn't he?
%
There once was a man named Lodge,
who had seatbelts installed in his Dodge.
When his date was strapped in,
He committed a sin,
without ever leaving the garage.
%
There once was a man named McGruder,
Who canoed with a girl in Bermuder.
But the girl thought it crude,
@ -2169,8 +2127,8 @@ Or a breeches-buoy swung from the masthead.
%
There once was a Scot named McAmeter
With a tool of prodigious diameter.
It was not the size
That cause such surprise;
But it wasn't the size
That caused such surprise;
'Twas his rhythm -- iambic pentameter.
%
There once was a son-of-a-bitch,
@ -2292,7 +2250,7 @@ Who'd a really enormous vagina,
And used it for docking a liner.
%
There was a fat man from Rangoon
Whose prick was much like a ballon.
Whose prick was much like a balloon.
He tried hard to ride her
And when finally inside her
She thought she was pregnant too soon.
@ -2706,12 +2664,6 @@ Was prodigiously massive and long.
Two testes did hang
That attracted a curious throng.
%
There was a young gaucho named Bruno
Who said, "Screwing is one thing I do know.
A woman is fine,
And a sheep is divine,
But a llama is Numero Uno."
%
There was a young German named Ringer
Who was screwing an opera singer.
Said he with a grin,
@ -3075,7 +3027,7 @@ Whose screams could be heard for a block away.
Cried, "God! I have cut his whole cock away!"
%
There was a young lad from Siam,
Whose sexlife was caught in a jam.
Whose sex life was caught in a jam.
He loved them real small,
'Cause they're funner to ball,
So he went out and bought him a lamb!
@ -3183,8 +3135,8 @@ Lodged tight in her hole so it seems.
There was a young lady from Rio
Who slept with the Fornier trio.
As she dropped her panties
She said, "No andanties
I want this allegro con brio."
She said, "No andantes,
I want this allegro con brio!"
%
There was a young lady from Siam
Who said to her lover, one Kiam,
@ -3300,12 +3252,6 @@ Who said, "I think skating's a bliss"
For a wheel off her skate
.siht ekil gnihtemos pu hsinif reh edaM
%
There was a young lady named Clair
Who possessed a magnificent pair;
At least so I thought
Till I saw one get caught
On a thorn, and begin losing air.
%
There was a young lady named Dot
Whose cunt was so terribly hot
That ten bishops of Rome
@ -3393,7 +3339,7 @@ But if you got her alone, Oh God!
%
There was a young lady named May
Who strolled in a park by the way,
And she met a youg man
And she met a young man
Who fucked her and ran --
Now she goes to the park every day.
%
@ -3521,7 +3467,7 @@ I much prefer fucking to feeling."
There was a young lady of fashion
Who had oodles and oodles of passion.
To her lover she said,
As they climbed into bed,
As they climbed into bed,
"Here's one thing the bastards can't ration!"
%
There was a young lady of Fez
@ -3627,7 +3573,7 @@ As her bridegroom got into the bed,
You can get up my bottom instead."
%
There was a young lady whose cunt
Could accomodate a small punt.
Could accommodate a small punt.
Her mother said, "Annie,
It matches your fanny,
Which never was that of a runt."
@ -3818,6 +3764,12 @@ Who boasted so torrid a tool
Explored by this satyr
Seemed almost unpleasantly cool.
%
There was a young man from the Coast
Who had an affair with a ghost.
At the height of orgasm
Said the pallid phantasm,
"I think I can feel it -- almost!"
%
There was a young man from Tibet-
And this is the strangest one yet-
Whose tool was so long,
@ -4206,7 +4158,7 @@ But alas! he was only a eunuch.
%
There was a young sportsman named Peel
Who went for a trip on his wheel;
He pedalled for days
He pedaled for days
Through crepuscular haze,
And returned feeling somewhat unreal.
-- Edward Gorey
@ -4335,7 +4287,7 @@ Who would not pay a whore what he owed her.
And pissed in his whiskey-and-soda.
%
There was an old curate of Hestion
Who'd errect at the slightest suggestion.
Who'd erect at the slightest suggestion.
But so small was his tool
He could scarce screw a spool,
And a cunt was quite out of the question.
@ -4522,7 +4474,7 @@ Who attempted an anthropoid ravish.
And the anthropoid ravished McTavish.
%
There was an old whore from Silesia
Who'd croke: "If my box doesn't please ya,
Who'd croak: "If my box doesn't please ya,
For a slight extra sum
You can go up my bum
But watchout or my tapeworm'll seize ya."
@ -4737,7 +4689,7 @@ Fished, hidden in deep shore-grass,
Your sinkers -- they're banging my ass."
%
Two eager young men from Cawnpore
Once buggared and fucked the same whore.
Once buggered and fucked the same whore.
But her partition split
And the blood and the shit
Rolled out in a mess on the floor.
@ -4785,7 +4737,7 @@ Who'd been bedded and banged in the palace,
She replied, "He's a jolly good phallus!"
%
When you fuck little Annie in Anza
You get a great bossom bonanza:
You get a great bosom bonanza:
Sucking Annie's soft tits
Makes her throw fifty fits,
And the fuck is a sextravaganza!
@ -4821,7 +4773,7 @@ His model reclined on a ladder.
Suggested coition,
So he leapt up the ladder and had 'er.
%
While travelling in farthest Tibet,
While traveling in farthest Tibet,
Lord Irongate found cause to regret
The buttered-up tea,
A pain in his knee,

3861
games/fortune/datfiles/murphy
View File

File diff suppressed because it is too large Load Diff

31
games/fortune/datfiles/murphy-o
View File

@ -1,16 +1,4 @@
%%$FreeBSD$
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
%
When you're up to your nose in shit,
be sure to keep your mouth shut.
%
One's life tends to be like a beaver's,
one dam thing after another.
%
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
%
Old Scottish prayer: O Lord, grant that we may always be
right, for thou knowest we will never change our minds.
%
All probabilities are 50%: either a thing will
happen or it won't.
@ -19,13 +7,24 @@ This is especially true when dealing with women.
Likelihoods, however, are 90% against you.
%
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on
Sunday pray for crop failure.
%
Early to rise and early to bed makes a male
healthy and wealthy and dead.
%
It's always the wrong time of the month.
%
Never sleep with anyone crazier than yourself.
%
One's life tends to be like a beaver's,
one dam thing after another.
%
Pity the poor egg;
It only gets laid once in its life.
%
It's always the wrong time of the month.
Sow your wild oats on Saturday night - then on
Sunday pray for crop failure.
%
When you're up to your nose in shit,
be sure to keep your mouth shut.
%
You can lead a horticulture, but you can't make her think.
%

257
games/fortune/datfiles/startrek
View File

@ -1,4 +1,108 @@
%% $FreeBSD$
%
"... freedom ... is a worship word..."
"It is our worship word too."
-- Cloud William and Kirk, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
%
"Beauty is transitory."
"Beauty survives."
-- Spock and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
%
"Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away
with jealousy, greed, hate ..."
"It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness,
sentiment -- the other side of the coin"
-- Dr. Roger Corby and Kirk,
"What are Little Girls Made Of?", stardate 2712.4
%
"Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth."
"Or by misleading the innocent."
-- Spock and McCoy, "And The Children Shall Lead",
stardate 5029.5.
%
"Get back to your stations!"
"We're beaming down to the planet, sir."
-- Kirk and Mr. Leslie, "This Side of Paradise",
stardate 3417.3
%
"I think they're going to take all this money that we spend now
on war and death --"
"And make them spend it on life."
-- Edith Keeler and Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever",
stardate unknown.
%
"It's hard to believe that something which is neither seen nor
felt can do so much harm."
"That's true. But an idea can't be seen or felt. And that's
what kept the Troglytes in the mines all these centuries. A mistaken idea."
-- Vanna and Kirk, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5819.0
%
"Life and death are seldom logical."
"But attaining a desired goal always is."
-- McCoy and Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2821.7
%
"Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here."
"You admit that?"
"To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor"
-- Spock and McCoy, "A Piece of the Action", stardate unknown
%
"No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war."
"He talks of peace if it is the only way to live."
-- Colonel Green and Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain",
stardate 5906.5.
%
"That unit is a woman."
"A mass of conflicting impulses."
-- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9
%
"The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile."
"Yes, the philosophy of 'none,' meaning 'all.'"
-- Spock and Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4
%
"The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity."
"And in the way our differences combine to create meaning and
beauty."
-- Dr. Miranda Jones and Spock,
"Is There in Truth No Beauty?", stardate 5630.8
%
"The release of emotion is what keeps us healthy. Emotionally
healthy."
"That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy
release of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you."
-- McCoy and Spock, "Plato's Stepchildren", stardate 5784.3
%
"There's only one kind of woman ..."
"Or man, for that matter. You either believe in yourself or
you don't."
-- Kirk and Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1
%
"We have the right to survive!"
"Not by killing others."
-- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye", stardate 5710.5
%
"What a terrible way to die."
"There are no good ways."
-- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
%
"What happened to the crewman?"
"The M-5 computer needed a new power source, the crewman merely
got in the way."
-- Kirk and Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer",
stardate 4731.3.
%
... bacteriological warfare ... hard to believe we were once foolish
enough to play around with that.
-- McCoy, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
%
... The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when they get
to know each other.
-- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5
%
... The things love can drive a man to -- the ecstasies, the
miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious
failures and the glorious victories.
-- McCoy, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7
%
A father doesn't destroy his children.
-- Lt. Carolyn Palamas, "Who Mourns for Adonais?",
stardate 3468.1.
@ -46,14 +150,6 @@ Another war ... must it always be so? How many comrades have we lost
in this way? ... Obedience. Duty. Death, and more death ...
-- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
%
... bacteriological warfare ... hard to believe we were once foolish
enough to play around with that.
-- McCoy, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
%
"Beauty is transitory."
"Beauty survives."
-- Spock and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
%
Behind every great man, there is a woman -- urging him on.
-- Harry Mudd, "I, Mudd", stardate 4513.3
%
@ -66,14 +162,6 @@ able to break it, but, I'll bet you credits to Navy Beans we can put a
dent in it.
-- deSalle, "Catspaw", stardate 3018.2
%
"Can you imagine how life could be improved if we could do away with
jealousy, greed, hate ..."
"It can also be improved by eliminating love, tenderness, sentiment --
the other side of the coin"
-- Dr. Roger Corby and Kirk, "What are Little Girls Made Of?",
stardate 2712.4
%
Change is the essential process of all existence.
-- Spock, "Let That Be Your Last Battlefield", stardate 5730.2
%
@ -89,13 +177,13 @@ man. And nothing can replace it or him.
Conquest is easy. Control is not.
-- Kirk, "Mirror, Mirror", stardate unknown
%
Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing.
-- Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7
%
Death. Destruction. Disease. Horror. That's what war is all about.
That's what makes it a thing to be avoided.
-- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon", stardate 3193.0
%
Death, when unnecessary, is a tragic thing.
-- Flint, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7
%
Do you know about being with somebody? Wanting to be? If I had the
whole universe, I'd give it to you, Janice. When I see you, I feel
like I'm hungry all over. Do you know how that feels?
@ -132,39 +220,25 @@ mistakes.
Every living thing wants to survive.
-- Spock, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3
%
"Evil does seek to maintain power by suppressing the truth."
"Or by misleading the innocent."
-- Spock and McCoy, "And The Children Shall Lead",
stardate 5029.5.
%
Extreme feminine beauty is always disturbing.
-- Spock, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5818.4
%
Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected.
-- Spock, "The Squire of Gothos", stardate 2124.5
%
Fascinating, a totally parochial attitude.
-- Spock, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8
%
Fascinating is a word I use for the unexpected.
-- Spock, "The Squire of Gothos", stardate 2124.5
%
First study the enemy. Seek weakness.
-- Romulan Commander, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
%
Four thousand throats may be cut in one night by a running man.
-- Klingon Soldier, "Day of the Dove", stardate unknown
%
"... freedom ... is a worship word..."
"It is our worship word too."
-- Cloud William and Kirk, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
%
Genius doesn't work on an assembly line basis. You can't simply say,
"Today I will be brilliant."
-- Kirk, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3
%
"Get back to your stations!"
"We're beaming down to the planet, sir."
-- Kirk and Mr. Leslie, "This Side of Paradise",
stardate 3417.3
%
He's dead, Jim
-- McCoy, "The Devil in the Dark", stardate 3196.1
%
@ -192,26 +266,11 @@ nor am I frightened of it. It simply exists, and I will do whatever
logically needs to be done.
-- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2812.7
%
"I think they're going to take all this money that we spend now on war
and death --"
"And make them spend it on life."
-- Edith Keeler and Kirk, "The City on the Edge of Forever",
stardate unknown.
%
I thought my people would grow tired of killing. But you were right,
they see it is easier than trading. And it has its pleasures. I feel
it myself. Like the hunt, but with richer rewards.
-- Apella, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8
%
I'm a soldier, not a diplomat. I can only tell the truth.
-- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3198.9
%
I'm frequently appalled by the low regard you Earthmen have for life.
-- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3
%
I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is the Enterprise.
-- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.0
%
If a man had a child who'd gone anti-social, killed perhaps, he'd still
tend to protect that child.
-- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4731.3
@ -225,6 +284,12 @@ If some day we are defeated, well, war has its fortunes, good and bad.
If there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them.
-- Spock, "This Side of Paradise", stardate 3417.7
%
I'm a soldier, not a diplomat. I can only tell the truth.
-- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3198.9
%
I'm frequently appalled by the low regard you Earthmen have for life.
-- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3
%
Immortality consists largely of boredom.
-- Zefrem Cochrane, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8
%
@ -278,12 +343,8 @@ It would be illogical to kill without reason
It would seem that evil retreats when forcibly confronted
-- Yarnek of Excalbia, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5
%
"It's hard to believe that something which is neither seen nor felt can
do so much harm."
"That's true. But an idea can't be seen or felt. And that's what kept
the Troglytes in the mines all these centuries. A mistaken idea."
-- Vanna and Kirk, "The Cloud Minders", stardate 5819.0
I've already got a female to worry about. Her name is the Enterprise.
-- Kirk, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.0
%
Killing is stupid; useless!
-- McCoy, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8
@ -300,18 +361,9 @@ Landru! Guide us!
Leave bigotry in your quarters; there's no room for it on the bridge.
-- Kirk, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
%
"Life and death are seldom logical."
"But attaining a desired goal always is."
-- McCoy and Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2821.7
%
Live long and prosper.
-- Spock, "Amok Time", stardate 3372.7
%
"Logic and practical information do not seem to apply here."
"You admit that?"
"To deny the facts would be illogical, Doctor"
-- Spock and McCoy, "A Piece of the Action", stardate unknown
%
Lots of people drink from the wrong bottle sometimes.
-- Edith Keeler, "The City on the Edge of Forever",
stardate unknown
@ -323,7 +375,7 @@ Madness has no purpose. Or reason. But it may have a goal.
-- Spock, "The Alternative Factor", stardate 3088.7
%
Many Myths are based on truth
-- Spock, "The Way to Eden", stardate 5832.3
-- Spock, "The Way to Eden", stardate 5832.3
%
Men don't talk peace unless they're ready to back it up with war.
-- Col. Green, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4
@ -352,11 +404,6 @@ No one can guarantee the actions of another.
No one may kill a man. Not for any purpose. It cannot be condoned.
-- Kirk, "Spock's Brain", stardate 5431.6
%
"No one talks peace unless he's ready to back it up with war."
"He talks of peace if it is the only way to live."
-- Colonel Green and Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain",
stardate 5906.5.
%
No one wants war.
-- Kirk, "Errand of Mercy", stardate 3201.7
%
@ -440,14 +487,6 @@ Suffocating together ... would create heroic camaraderie.
Superior ability breeds superior ambition.
-- Spock, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9
%
"That unit is a woman."
"A mass of conflicting impulses."
-- Spock and Nomad, "The Changeling", stardate 3541.9
%
"The combination of a number of things to make existence worthwhile."
"Yes, the philosophy of 'none,' meaning 'all.'"
-- Spock and Lincoln, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.4
%
The face of war has never changed. Surely it is more logical to heal
than to kill.
-- Surak of Vulcan, "The Savage Curtain", stardate 5906.5
@ -457,11 +496,6 @@ pattern. We don't fear it as you do.
-- Proconsul Marcus Claudius, "Bread and Circuses",
stardate 4041.2
%
"The glory of creation is in its infinite diversity."
"And in the way our differences combine to create meaning and beauty."
-- Dr. Miranda Jones and Spock, "Is There in Truth No Beauty?",
stardate 5630.8
%
The heart is not a logical organ.
-- Dr. Janet Wallace, "The Deadly Years", stardate 3479.4
%
@ -490,27 +524,12 @@ destroying or interfering with the creation of that which we love so
deeply -- life in every form from fetus to developed being.
-- Hodin of Gideon, "The Mark of Gideon", stardate 5423.4
%
... The prejudices people feel about each other disappear when they get
to know each other.
-- Kirk, "Elaan of Troyius", stardate 4372.5
%
"The release of emotion is what keeps us healthy. Emotionally healthy."
"That may be, Doctor. However, I have noted that the healthy release
of emotion is frequently unhealthy for those closest to you."
-- McCoy and Spock, "Plato's Stepchildren", stardate 5784.3
%
The sight of death frightens them [Earthers].
-- Kras the Klingon, "Friday's Child", stardate 3497.2
%
The sooner our happiness together begins, the longer it will last.
-- Miramanee, "The Paradise Syndrome", stardate 4842.6
%
... The things love can drive a man to -- the ecstasies, the
miseries, the broken rules, the desperate chances, the glorious
failures and the glorious victories.
-- McCoy, "Requiem for Methuselah", stardate 5843.7
%
There are always alternatives.
-- Spock, "The Galileo Seven", stardate 2822.3
%
@ -551,10 +570,6 @@ There's nothing disgusting about it [the Companion]. It's just another
life form, that's all. You get used to those things.
-- McCoy, "Metamorphosis", stardate 3219.8
%
"There's only one kind of woman ..."
"Or man, for that matter. You either believe in yourself or you don't."
-- Kirk and Harry Mudd, "Mudd's Women", stardate 1330.1
%
This cultural mystique surrounding the biological function -- you
realize humans are overly preoccupied with the subject.
-- Kelinda the Kelvan, "By Any Other Name", stardate 4658.9
@ -600,12 +615,6 @@ Vulcans worship peace above all.
Wait! You have not been prepared!
-- Mr. Atoz, "Tomorrow is Yesterday", stardate 3113.2
%
War is never imperative.
-- McCoy, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
%
War isn't a good life, but it's life.
-- Kirk, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8
%
[War] is instinctive. But the instinct can be fought. We're human
beings with the blood of a million savage years on our hands! But we
can stop it. We can admit that we're killers ... but we're not going
@ -613,6 +622,12 @@ to kill today. That's all it takes! Knowing that we're not going to
kill today!
-- Kirk, "A Taste of Armageddon", stardate 3193.0
%
War is never imperative.
-- McCoy, "Balance of Terror", stardate 1709.2
%
War isn't a good life, but it's life.
-- Kirk, "A Private Little War", stardate 4211.8
%
We do not colonize. We conquer. We rule. There is no other way for
us.
-- Rojan, "By Any Other Name", stardate 4657.5
@ -628,10 +643,6 @@ development.
We have phasers, I vote we blast 'em!
-- Bailey, "The Corbomite Maneuver", stardate 1514.2
%
"We have the right to survive!"
"Not by killing others."
-- Deela and Kirk, "Wink of An Eye", stardate 5710.5
%
We Klingons believe as you do -- the sick should die. Only the strong
should live.
-- Kras, "Friday's Child", stardate 3497.2
@ -641,21 +652,10 @@ But when it comes to your job -- that's different. And it always will
be different.
-- McCoy, "The Ultimate Computer", stardate 4729.4
%
"What happened to the crewman?"
"The M-5 computer needed a new power source, the crewman merely got in
the way."
-- Kirk and Dr. Richard Daystrom, "The Ultimate Computer",
stardate 4731.3.
%
What kind of love is that? Not to be loved; never to have shown love.
-- Commissioner Nancy Hedford, "Metamorphosis",
stardate 3219.8
%
"What terrible way to die."
"There are no good ways."
-- Sulu and Kirk, "That Which Survives", stardate unknown
%
When a child is taught ... its programmed with simple instructions --
and at some point, if its mind develops properly, it exceeds the sum of
what it was taught, thinks independently.
@ -703,6 +703,9 @@ woman.
Yes, it is written. Good shall always destroy evil.
-- Sirah the Yang, "The Omega Glory", stardate unknown
%
You! What PLANET is this?!
-- McCoy, "The City on the Edge of Forever", stardate 3134.0
%
You are an excellent tactician, Captain. You let your second in
command attack while you sit and watch for weakness.
-- Khan Noonian Singh, "Space Seed", stardate 3141.9
@ -735,9 +738,6 @@ soldiers.
-- Kor, the Klingon Commander, "Errand of Mercy",
stardate 3201.7
%
You! What PLANET is this?!
-- McCoy, "The City on the Edge of Forever", stardate 3134.0
%
You'll learn something about men and women -- the way they're supposed
to be. Caring for each other, being happy with each other, being good
to each other. That's what we call love. You'll like that a lot.
@ -755,3 +755,4 @@ You're too beautiful to ignore. Too much woman.
Youth doesn't excuse everything.
-- Dr. Janice Lester (in Kirk's body), "Turnabout Intruder",
stardate 5928.5.
%

291
games/fortune/datfiles/zippy
View File

@ -1,4 +1,69 @@
%% $FreeBSD$
%
Talking Pinhead Blues:
Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel
TWENTY-SIX!!
Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been
DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff)
My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG
won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)
So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!
(on no, no, no.. Heh, heh)
%
... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
%
... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
%
... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
%
... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
%
... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ...
%
-- I have seen the FUN --
%
-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away
now. I fed the cat.
%
... I see TOILET SEATS ...
%
... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common
MISAPPREHENSIONS ...
%
... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
%
... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within
SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!
%
... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im
antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche
PIZZA ...
%
... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate
man!!
%
... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM
of a KOSHER DELI --
%
... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
Alley!!
%
... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
%
... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last
Tuesday?
%
... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued
OYSTER! Yum!
%
... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
%
... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
%
A can of ASPARAGUS, 73 pigeons, some LIVE ammo, and a FROZEN DAQUIRI!!
%
A dwarf is passing out somewhere in Detroit!
@ -81,8 +146,6 @@ BELA LUGOSI is my co-pilot ...
%
BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-BI-
%
... bleakness ... desolation ... plastic forks ...
%
Bo Derek ruined my life!
%
Boy, am I glad it's only 1971...
@ -93,6 +156,9 @@ But they went to MARS around 1953!!
%
But was he mature enough last night at the lesbian masquerade?
%
Calling J-Man Kink. Calling J-Man Kink. Hash missile sighted, target
Los Angeles. Disregard personal feelings about city and intercept.
%
Can I have an IMPULSE ITEM instead?
%
Can you MAIL a BEAN CAKE?
@ -220,8 +286,6 @@ today!
Has everybody got HALVAH spread all over their ANKLES?? ... Now, it's
time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
%
... he dominates the DECADENT SUBWAY SCENE.
%
He is the MELBA-BEING ... the ANGEL CAKE ... XEROX him ... XEROX him --
%
He probably just wants to take over my CELLS and then EXPLODE inside me
@ -229,23 +293,23 @@ like a BARREL of runny CHOPPED LIVER! Or maybe he'd like to
PSYCHOLIGICALLY TERRORISE ME until I have no objection to a RIGHT-WING
MILITARY TAKEOVER of my apartment!! I guess I should call AL PACINO!
%
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I
guess ...
%
Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan
females!!
%
Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No
thanks!
%
Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES
being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
%
HELLO, everybody, I'm a HUMAN!!
%
Hello, GORRY-O!! I'm a GENIUS from HARVARD!!
%
Hello. I know the divorce rate among unmarried Catholic Alaskan
females!!
%
Hello. Just walk along and try NOT to think about your INTESTINES
being almost FORTY YARDS LONG!!
%
Hello... IRON CURTAIN? Send over a SAUSAGE PIZZA! World War III? No
thanks!
%
Hello? Enema Bondage? I'm calling because I want to be happy, I
guess ...
HELLO KITTY gang terrorizes town, family STICKERED to death!
%
Here I am at the flea market but nobody is buying my urine sample
bottles ...
@ -334,14 +398,9 @@ I don't believe there really IS a GAS SHORTAGE ... I think it's all
just a BIG HOAX on the part of the plastic sign salesmen -- to sell
more numbers!!
%
... I don't know why but, suddenly, I want to discuss declining I.Q.
LEVELS with a blue ribbon SENATE SUB-COMMITTEE!
%
I don't know WHY I said that ... I think it came from the FILLINGS in
my read molars ...
%
... I don't like FRANK SINATRA or his CHILDREN.
%
I don't understand the HUMOUR of the THREE STOOGES!!
%
I feel ... JUGULAR ...
@ -378,10 +437,6 @@ I have accepted Provolone into my life!
%
I have many CHARTS and DIAGRAMS..
%
... I have read the INSTRUCTIONS ...
%
-- I have seen the FUN --
%
I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ...
%
I have seen these EGG EXTENDERS in my Supermarket ... I have read the
@ -430,19 +485,16 @@ I Know A Joke
%
I know how to do SPECIAL EFFECTS!!
%
I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
%
I know things about TROY DONAHUE that can't even be PRINTED!!
%
I know th'MAMBO!! I have a TWO-TONE CHEMISTRY SET!!
%
I left my WALLET in the BATHROOM!!
%
I like the way ONLY their mouths move ... They look like DYING OYSTERS
%
I like your SNOOPY POSTER!!
%
-- I love KATRINKA because she drives a PONTIAC. We're going away
now. I fed the cat.
%
I love ROCK 'N ROLL! I memorized the all WORDS to "WIPE-OUT" in
1965!!
%
@ -460,8 +512,6 @@ I represent a sardine!!
%
I request a weekend in Havana with Phil Silvers!
%
... I see TOILET SEATS ...
%
I selected E5 ... but I didn't hear "Sam the Sham and the Pharoahs"!
%
I smell a RANCID CORN DOG!
@ -470,9 +520,6 @@ I smell like a wet reducing clinic on Columbus Day!
%
I think I am an overnight sensation right now!!
%
... I think I'd better go back to my DESK and toy with a few common
MISAPPREHENSIONS ...
%
I think I'll KILL myself by leaping out of this 14th STORY WINDOW while
reading ERICA JONG'S poetry!!
%
@ -481,8 +528,6 @@ I think my career is ruined!
I used to be a FUNDAMENTALIST, but then I heard about the HIGH
RADIATION LEVELS and bought an ENCYCLOPEDIA!!
%
... I want a COLOR T.V. and a VIBRATING BED!!!
%
I want a VEGETARIAN BURRITO to go ... with EXTRA MSG!!
%
I want a WESSON OIL lease!!
@ -492,9 +537,6 @@ I want another RE-WRITE on my CAESAR SALAD!!
I want EARS! I want two ROUND BLACK EARS to make me feel warm 'n
secure!!
%
... I want FORTY-TWO TRYNEL FLOATATION SYSTEMS installed within
SIX AND A HALF HOURS!!!
%
I want the presidency so bad I can already taste the hors d'oeuvres.
%
I want to dress you up as TALLULAH BANKHEAD and cover you with VASELINE
@ -540,6 +582,31 @@ I'd like MY data-base JULIENNED and stir-fried!
%
I'd like some JUNK FOOD ... and then I want to be ALONE --
%
If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for
MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a
GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!
%
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old
houseboy ...
%
If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
%
If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
%
If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
%
If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!
%
If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
%
if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
%
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
%
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry
Bonzo??
%
I'll eat ANYTHING that's BRIGHT BLUE!!
%
I'll show you MY telex number if you show me YOURS ...
@ -595,9 +662,6 @@ wealthy CORPORATE LAWYERS ...
%
I'm having fun HITCHHIKING to CINCINNATI or FAR ROCKAWAY!!
%
... I'm IMAGINING a sensuous GIRAFFE, CAVORTING in the BACK ROOM
of a KOSHER DELI --
%
I'm in direct contact with many advanced fun CONCEPTS.
%
I'm into SOFTWARE!
@ -653,45 +717,6 @@ REGIONS!
%
I'm ZIPPY the PINHEAD and I'm totally committed to the festive mode.
%
I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ...
%
I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
%
I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
%
... ich bin in einem dusenjet ins jahr 53 vor chr ... ich lande im
antiken Rom ... einige gladiatoren spielen scrabble ... ich rieche
PIZZA ...
%
If a person is FAMOUS in this country, they have to go on the ROAD for
MONTHS at a time and have their name misspelled on the SIDE of a
GREYHOUND SCENICRUISER!!
%
If elected, Zippy pledges to each and every American a 55-year-old
houseboy ...
%
If I am elected no one will ever have to do their laundry again!
%
If I am elected, the concrete barriers around the WHITE HOUSE will be
replaced by tasteful foam replicas of ANN MARGARET!
%
If I felt any more SOPHISTICATED I would DIE of EMBARRASSMENT!
%
If I had a Q-TIP, I could prevent th' collapse of NEGOTIATIONS!!
%
... If I had heart failure right now, I couldn't be a more fortunate
man!!
%
If I pull this SWITCH I'll be RITA HAYWORTH!! Or a SCIENTOLOGIST!
%
if it GLISTENS, gobble it!!
%
If our behavior is strict, we do not need fun!
%
If Robert Di Niro assassinates Walter Slezak, will Jodie Foster marry
Bonzo??
%
In 1962, you could buy a pair of SHARKSKIN SLACKS, with a "Continental
Belt," for $10.99!!
%
@ -746,6 +771,13 @@ It's OKAY -- I'm an INTELLECTUAL, too.
%
It's the RINSE CYCLE!! They've ALL IGNORED the RINSE CYCLE!!
%
I've got a COUSIN who works in the GARMENT DISTRICT ...
%
I've got an IDEA!! Why don't I STARE at you so HARD, you forget your
SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER!!
%
I've read SEVEN MILLION books!!
%
JAPAN is a WONDERFUL planet -- I wonder if we'll ever reach their level
of COMPARATIVE SHOPPING ...
%
@ -780,17 +812,17 @@ Like I always say -- nothing can beat the BRATWURST here in DUSSELDORF!!
%
Loni Anderson's hair should be LEGALIZED!!
%
Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
%
LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of
Seagulls" HAIRCUTS!
%
Look DEEP into the OPENINGS!! Do you see any ELVES or EDSELS ... or a
HIGHBALL?? ...
%
Look into my eyes and try to forget that you have a Macy's charge
card!
%
Look! A ladder! Maybe it leads to heaven, or a sandwich!
%
LOOK!! Sullen American teens wearing MADRAS shorts and "Flock of
Seagulls" HAIRCUTS!
%
Make me look like LINDA RONSTADT again!!
%
Mary Tyler Moore's SEVENTH HUSBAND is wearing my DACRON TANK TOP in a
@ -843,9 +875,6 @@ My nose feels like a bad Ronald Reagan movie ...
%
my NOSE is NUMB!
%
... My pants just went on a wild rampage through a Long Island Bowling
Alley!!
%
My pants just went to high school in the Carlsbad Caverns!!!
%
My polyvinyl cowboy wallet was made in Hong Kong by Montgomery Clift!
@ -887,21 +916,19 @@ by SMALL BOYS selling FRUIT ...
%
Now KEN and BARBIE are PERMANENTLY ADDICTED to MIND-ALTERING DRUGS ...
%
Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
%
Now my EMOTIONAL RESOURCES are heavily committed to 23% of the SMELTING
and REFINING industry of the state of NEVADA!!
%
Now that I have my "APPLE", I comprehend COST ACCOUNTING!!
%
... Now, it's time to "HAVE A NAGEELA"!!
%
Now, let's SEND OUT for QUICHE!!
%
Of course, you UNDERSTAND about the PLAIDS in the SPIN CYCLE --
%
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
%
Oh, I get it!! "The BEACH goes on", huh, SONNY??
%
Oh my GOD -- the SUN just fell into YANKEE STADIUM!!
%
Okay ... I'm going home to write the "I HATE RUBIK's CUBE HANDBOOK FOR
DEAD CAT LOVERS" ...
%
@ -922,10 +949,6 @@ QUILTING BEES aboard a cruise ship to DISNEYWORLD if only we let it!!
On the road, ZIPPY is a pinhead without a purpose, but never without a
POINT.
%
Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of
DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY
VALUES!!
%
Once, there was NO fun ... This was before MENU planning, FASHION
statements or NAUTILUS equipment ... Then, in 1985 ... FUN was
completely encoded in this tiny MICROCHIP ... It contain 14,768 vaguely
@ -933,15 +956,16 @@ amusing SIT-COM pilots!! We had to wait FOUR BILLION years but we
finally got JERRY LEWIS, MTV and a large selection of creme-filled
snack cakes!
%
One FISHWICH coming up!!
Once upon a time, four AMPHIBIOUS HOG CALLERS attacked a family of
DEFENSELESS, SENSITIVE COIN COLLECTORS and brought DOWN their PROPERTY
VALUES!!
%
ONE: I will donate my entire "BABY HUEY" comic book collection to
the downtown PLASMA CENTER ...
TWO: I won't START a BAND called "KHADAFY & THE HIT SQUAD" ...
THREE: I won't ever TUMBLE DRY my FOX TERRIER again!!
%
... or were you driving the PONTIAC that HONKED at me in MIAMI last
Tuesday?
One FISHWICH coming up!!
%
Our father who art in heaven ... I sincerely pray that SOMEBODY at this
table will PAY for my SHREDDED WHAT and ENGLISH MUFFIN ... and also
@ -999,12 +1023,12 @@ hair stylist or my failure to refer five TEENAGERS to a good OCULIST?
%
Sign my PETITION.
%
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
%
So, if we convert SUPPLY-SIDE SOYABEAN FUTURES into HIGH-YIELD T-BILL
INDICATORS, the PRE-INFLATIONARY risks will DWINDLE to a rate of 2
SHOPPING SPREES per EGGPLANT!!
%
So this is what it feels like to be potato salad
%
someone in DAYTON, Ohio is selling USED CARPETS to a SERBO-CROATIAN
%
Sometime in 1993 NANCY SINATRA will lead a BLOODLESS COUP on GUAM!!
@ -1021,19 +1045,6 @@ to Beaver"!
Spreading peanut butter reminds me of opera!! I wonder why?
%
TAILFINS!! ... click ...
%
Talking Pinhead Blues:
Oh, I LOST my ``HELLO KITTY'' DOLL and I get BAD reception on channel
TWENTY-SIX!!
Th'HOSTESS FACTORY is closin' down and I just heard ZASU PITTS has been
DEAD for YEARS.. (sniff)
My PLATFORM SHOE collection was CHEWED up by th' dog, ALEXANDER HAIG
won't let me take a SHOWER 'til Easter ... (snurf)
So I went to the kitchen, but WALNUT PANELING whup me upside mah HAID!!
(on no, no, no.. Heh, heh)
%
TAPPING? You POLITICIANS! Don't you realize that the END of the "Wash
Cycle" is a TREASURED MOMENT for most people?!
@ -1056,13 +1067,8 @@ SPINAL COLUMN is fairly enjoyable!!
%
The FALAFEL SANDWICH lands on my HEAD and I become a VEGETARIAN ...
%
... the HIGHWAY is made out of LIME JELLO and my HONDA is a barbequeued
OYSTER! Yum!
%
The Korean War must have been fun.
%
... the MYSTERIANS are in here with my CORDUROY SOAP DISH!!
%
The Osmonds! You are all Osmonds!! Throwing up on a freeway at
dawn!!!
%
@ -1090,8 +1096,6 @@ This is a NO-FRILLS flight -- hold th' CANADIAN BACON!!
This MUST be a good party -- My RIB CAGE is being painfully pressed up
against someone's MARTINI!!
%
... this must be what it's like to be a COLLEGE GRADUATE!!
%
This PIZZA symbolizes my COMPLETE EMOTIONAL RECOVERY!!
%
This PORCUPINE knows his ZIPCODE ... And he has "VISA"!!
@ -1113,9 +1117,6 @@ Nipples, dimples, knuckles, NICKLES, wrinkles, pimples!!
%
TONY RANDALL! Is YOUR life a PATIO of FUN??
%
Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
%
Uh-oh!! I forgot to submit to COMPULSORY URINALYSIS!
%
UH-OH!! I put on "GREAT HEAD-ON TRAIN COLLISIONS of the 50's" by
@ -1128,6 +1129,9 @@ Uh-oh!! I'm having TOO MUCH FUN!!
%
UH-OH!! We're out of AUTOMOBILE PARTS and RUBBER GOODS!
%
Uh-oh -- WHY am I suddenly thinking of a VENERABLE religious leader
frolicking on a FORT LAUDERDALE weekend?
%
Used staples are good with SOY SAUCE!
%
VICARIOUSLY experience some reason to LIVE!!
@ -1241,6 +1245,9 @@ Xerox your lunch and file it under "sex offenders"!
Yes, but will I see the EASTER BUNNY in skintight leather at an IRON
MAIDEN concert?
%
YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN
DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!!
%
You can't hurt me!! I have an ASSUMABLE MORTGAGE!!
%
You mean now I can SHOOT YOU in the back and further BLUR th'
@ -1255,9 +1262,6 @@ CAREER!!
%
You were s'posed to laugh!
%
YOU!! Give me the CUTEST, PINKEST, most charming little VICTORIAN
DOLLHOUSE you can find!! An make it SNAPPY!!
%
Your CHEEKS sit like twin NECTARINES above a MOUTH that knows no BOUNDS --
%
Youth of today! Join me in a mass rally for traditional mental
@ -1279,6 +1283,10 @@ Yow! Are you the self-frying president?
%
Yow! Did something bad happen or am I in a drive-in movie??
%
YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
%
YOW!!! I am having fun!!!
%
Yow! I just went below the poverty line!
%
Yow! I threw up on my window!
@ -1292,6 +1300,8 @@ mill!
%
Yow! I'm imagining a surfer van filled with soy sauce!
%
YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
%
Yow! Is my fallout shelter termite proof?
%
Yow! Is this sexual intercourse yet?? Is it, huh, is it??
@ -1305,26 +1315,21 @@ Yow! Maybe I should have asked for my Neutron Bomb in PAISLEY --
Yow! Now I get to think about all the BAD THINGS I did to a BOWLING
BALL when I was in JUNIOR HIGH SCHOOL!
%
Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!
%
Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
%
Yow! We're going to a new disco!
%
YOW!! Everybody out of the GENETIC POOL!
%
YOW!! I'm in a very clever and adorable INSANE ASYLUM!!
%
YOW!! Now I understand advanced MICROBIOLOGY and th' new TAX REFORM
laws!!
%
Yow! Now we can become alcoholics!
%
YOW!! The land of the rising SONY!!
%
Yow! Those people look exactly like Donnie and Marie Osmond!!
%
YOW!! Up ahead! It's a DONUT HUT!!
%
Yow! We're going to a new disco!
%
YOW!! What should the entire human race DO?? Consume a fifth of
CHIVAS REGAL, ski NUDE down MT. EVEREST, and have a wild SEX WEEKEND!
%
YOW!!! I am having fun!!!
%
Zippy's brain cells are straining to bridge synapses ...
%

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@ -1,3 +1,4 @@
# $FreeBSD$
ANAL
ASEXUAL
Astro