* Reformat several attributions according to ../Notes (mostly whitespace)
* Spell out some names that were pointlessly abbreviated * Remove a couple of incidental duplicates * Harry Truman had no actual middle name. The initial "S" was added to his name to make him appear more statesmanlike. Therefore it's not usually punctuated. * Format a couple of actual fortunes to fit into 72 columns
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@ -678,7 +678,7 @@ extracurricular activity except you."
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"Well, gee, doesn't Louise count?"
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"Only to ten, Mudhead."
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-- Firesign Theater
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-- Firesign Theater
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%
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GREAT MOMENTS IN AMERICAN HISTORY #21 -- July 30, 1917
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@ -1780,7 +1780,7 @@ If the input was short of exact.
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A conclusion is simply the place where someone got tired of thinking.
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%
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A CONS is an object which cares.
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-- Bernie Greenberg.
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-- Bernie Greenberg
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%
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A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it
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is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.
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@ -4475,7 +4475,7 @@ Attitude toward law is that the will of the majority shall regulate,
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whether it is based upon deliberation or governed by passion,
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prejudice, and impulse, without restraint or regard to consequences.
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Result is demagogism, license, agitation, discontent, anarchy.
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-- U. S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
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-- U.S. Army Training Manual No. 2000-25 (1928-1932),
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since withdrawn.
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%
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Demographic polls show that you have lost credibility across the
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@ -5431,7 +5431,7 @@ For years a secret shame destroyed my peace --
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I'd not read Eliot, Auden or MacNiece.
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But now I think a thought that brings me hope:
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Neither had Chaucer, Shakespeare, Milton, Pope.
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-- Justin Richardson.
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-- Justin Richardson
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%
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For your penance, say five Hail Marys and one loud BLAH!
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%
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@ -5720,7 +5720,7 @@ From the Pointless Comparison Collection:
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set off the flash bulb on your camera once.
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-- Peter Doms, manager of the Deep Space Network
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systems program at JPL.
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systems program at JPL
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%
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From the Pro 350 Pocket Service Guide, p. 49, Step 5 of the
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instructions on removing an I/O board from the card cage, comes a new
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@ -5770,7 +5770,7 @@ stockings and desolating the country.
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%
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Gauls! We have nothing to fear; except perhaps that the sky may fall
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on our heads tomorrow. But as we all know, tomorrow never comes!!
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-- Adventures of Asterix.
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-- Adventures of Asterix
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%
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Gay shlafen: Yiddish for "go to sleep".
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@ -8456,7 +8456,7 @@ came out to inform the public. They thought it was just a jest and
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applauded. He repeated his warning, they shouted even louder. So I
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think the world will come to an end amid general applause from all the
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wits, who believe that it is a joke.
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-- S. A. Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
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-- S. A. Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
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%
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It has been observed that one's nose is never so happy as when it is
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thrust into the affairs of another, from which some physiologists have
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@ -12839,7 +12839,7 @@ The Army needs leaders the way a foot needs a big toe.
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The assertion that "all men are created equal" was of no practical use
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in effecting our separation from Great Britain and it was placed in the
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Declaration not for that, but for future use.
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-- Abraham Lincoln
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-- Abraham Lincoln
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%
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The average income of the modern teenager is about 2 a.m.
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%
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@ -13497,7 +13497,7 @@ The moving cursor writes, and having written, blinks on.
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%
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"The National Association of Theater Concessionaires reported that in
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1986, 60% of all candy sold in movie theaters was sold to Roger Ebert."
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-- D. Letterman
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-- David Letterman
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%
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The National Short-Sleeved Shirt Association says:
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Support your right to bare arms!
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@ -13764,7 +13764,7 @@ Food and Gravel", which is what it tastes like.
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%
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The reason we come up with new versions is not to fix bugs. It's
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absolutely not.
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-- Bill Gates
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-- Bill Gates
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%
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The reasonable man adapts himself to the world; the unreasonable one
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persists in trying to adapt the world to himself. Therefore all
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@ -13988,7 +13988,7 @@ annoying than the piano when played by a sister or near relation.
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%
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The United States also has its native Fascists who say that they are
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"100 percent American"...
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-- U. S. Army (1945)
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-- U.S. Army (1945)
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%
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The United States is like the guy at the party who gives cocaine to
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everybody and still nobody likes him.
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@ -14098,7 +14098,7 @@ existence of a "hottest part" implies a temperature difference, and any
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marginally competent physicist would immediately use this to run a heat
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engine and make some other part of hell comfortably cool. This is
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obviously impossible.
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-- Richard Davisson
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-- Richard Davisson
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%
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There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the
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truth without lying.
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@ -15291,12 +15291,12 @@ Weiner's Law of Libraries:
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%
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Welcome thy neighbor into thy fallout shelter. He'll come in handy if
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you run out of food.
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-- Dean McLaughlin.
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-- Dean McLaughlin
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%
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"Well," Brahma said, "even after ten thousand explanations, a fool is
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no wiser, but an intelligent man requires only two thousand five
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hundred."
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-- The Mahabharata.
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-- The Mahabharata
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%
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"We'll cross out that bridge when we come back to it later."
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%
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@ -15762,7 +15762,7 @@ Whenever anyone says, "theoretically", they really mean, "not really".
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%
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Whenever I hear anyone arguing for slavery, I feel a strong impulse to
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see it tried on him personally.
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-- A. Lincoln
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-- Abraham Lincoln
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%
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Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.
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-- Oscar Wilde
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@ -16439,7 +16439,7 @@ You possess a mind not merely twisted, but actually sprained.
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%
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You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could
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know how seldom they do.
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-- Olin Miller.
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-- Olin Miller
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%
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You should emulate your heros, but don't carry it too far. Especially
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if they are dead.
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